15 minutes before J’s playdate arrived yesterday, I worked a miracle by vacuuming my downstairs (you know, sort of), picking up all the random things my dog had chewed and strewn about the house, dumped all the toys in random bins, and wiped down all surfaces with Clorox wipes.  5 seconds before the mom and the son walked in the door(literally-J said they were pulling in the driveway!), I ripped all of the food for lunch I had invited them for out of the grocery sacks and placed it prettily on the table, so I looked prepared.  She told me my house was very clean, and the lunch was delicious.  Fooled yet another one!

Well, unless she was lying, and she really thought my house was a pit and the food sucked, and she’s just too nice to say anything.  Hmm, hadn’t thought of that one.  Oh well. (more…)

Writing is cathartic for me- it’s how I figure out who I am, and how I fit in the world. My mind is a cyclone, and unless I write things out, I tend to forget who I am, and be carried away on where ever the daily breezes blow. The thing is, I can’t write about the bucket of rocks that is my situation right now. It’s not even “mommy” related, unless the fact that I am a daughter and I have a mom counts- but it is LDS related, and certainly Christ related. (more…)

This is a guest post from Natalie.

I just had baby #4 2 days ago. (Yay me!)  Everything went as planned.  Got my water broken at 8:30 am, and got my epidural shortly before.  Baby was delivered at 11:30 and the epidural was taken out.  The epidural had no complications going in whatsoever, and I didn’t feel a thing during labor and delivery, which is how I like it.

Unfortunately for me, the effects of the epidural STILL have not worn off completely.  My right foot is all tingly and numb.  I can barely walk on it, okay, HOBBLE on it.  I limp wherever and forget about carrying the little guy because I’m afraid of losing my balance and falling (which has happened a few times now).

My questions is: has anyone else ever had this happen before?  I have an appointment with a neurologist in a few weeks because they want to wait and see if it goes away.  WILL IT GO AWAY?  I’ve NEVER had this happen before, and don’t know anyone else who has, either.

Thanks for your help!

1. “Deep-seated”  The phrase is DEEP-SEEDED!!!! It’s a farming/gardening reference, people!!!!  I know in speaking language, they sound the same, but please do not go about pretending to be college graduate, with lots and lots of education, and write a post and tell everybody that they should not mock your deep-seated issues. Because let me tell you honey, I started mocking you right then and there. UPDATE:  I AM TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THIS.  The phrase really is deep-seated.  It is not a farming reference. LESSON LEARNED: Always google your convictions before blogging.

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At our house tonight:

DH to J: Time for jammies and then bed.

(DH then pulls out the pajamas he has extracted from the dryer and tries to put them on, only to discover he has pulled out 2 bottoms.  Yes, they were on sale at Target, so I bought two pair.  Sue me.)

J:  Hey, look at me!  (Giggling wildly at the sight of himself in the mirror, with pajama bottoms on his head, giving him the look of a white rabbit who got hit by fire truck barf.)

DH: (After he put a T-shirt on J as a substitute for the pajama bottoms on his head) Ok, go pick out stories.

J grabbed the pajama bottoms, jammed them back on his head, and said, “NO.  Run around!”  And he took off like a shot, rabbit jammy ears waving. 

Me, to myself:  Well, at least he isn’t naked.

Seriously, who can even think of bedtime anymore?

And who needs toys? Stick some pajama bottoms on your head, and you’re good to go.

10 things you can say to your spouse that will NOT strengthen your marriage.  (Don’t ask me how  I know.  I just know.)

1.  That’s because your mother was a fascist. (more…)

I do not care that birthdays mark you as one year older.  I do not care that they mean my kids are older, and closer to leaving the house.  I Do care, however, that they mean parties.  And birthday parties are death.

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A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. (more…)

“Wow, the cop is sure moving fast!  I wonder who he is trying to catch?” wondered the mild mannered mother, coming home from picking up kids from preschool.  “Hey, he just ran a red light!  No sirens, or anything–he almost caused an accident!  Whoever he is chasing, it must be serious.”

No, the mild mannered mother was not me.  That was my friend, who lives in my neighborhood and whose child attends preschool with J. 

I was the one the cop was chasing. (more…)

If you are a mother of daughters, or if you are a daughter of a mother, then you need to read this book.  You’re Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation by Deborah Tannen.  I swear it should be required reading, but I am a communication geek, so this felt like being back in one of my classes again (in a good way).

The Big Three of appearance :Hair, Clothes, and Weight.  (more…)

Boomama is hosting a donation event for a woman who is in need of a kidney transplant. (What would you call that?  Not a telethon–a blogathon, or something?)  I don’t know either woman, but the need for a kidney transplant certainly hits close to home.  So far they have raised $4500, and are asking for $1.50 donations.  C’mon, everybody can spare a buck fifty, or even five bucks, to help a mom with 2 kids who is about to lose her health insurance and is facing getting kicked off the donor list because of financial reasons.  And if she gets kicked off that donor list, she dies.  Period.  Please consider donating to this worthiest of causes.  Ok, I might be a little biased, but she sure could use some help.

Ok, public service announcement over.

That’s what we used to call her, as we tooled down the road.  Big and beige and bulky, the massive automobile seemed to fill the lane, terrorizing other vehicles into submission.  My sister used to mutter, “Munch, munch, munch,” as she drove, inevitably causing the rest of us to giggle.

As teenagers, it was the car we hated. 

As a mama, it is the car I covet.  A mama muncher.  I realize it fully now. It is my destiny. (more…)

…but I discovered that tonight my 3 year old brushed his teeth with a tube of Balmex diaper rash ointment instead of toothpaste.   I called Poison Control, he’s fine, we just might have a diarrhea day tomorrow.  

I guess I shouldn’t keep them in the same drawer.  He’s never done that before, although once I did catch him brushing his teeth with my Oil of Olay lotion.  Mysteriously, his teeth looked younger and more moisturized.  I guess tomorrow his teeth are guaranteed to be rash free.

J’s fondest dream came true today.  He had a play date with his favorite friend.

This friend has, among other things, a beautiful house, a trampoline with big fun beach balls and a net attached, remote control cars, and, the most glittering jewel in the crown, Game Cube. (more…)

The Place:  The Gap

The Time: Last Night

At first they appeared to be normal jeans, maybe a little grungy in color, but jeans all the same.  (more…)

I think my mom must have been way busier than I thought.

My family consisted of 6 kids, 3 dogs, (one of whom was old, ugly, blind, and incontinent), 2 cats, and a variety of rodents that inevitably met gruesome and untimely deaths.  (Yeah, whoever thought a couple of gerbils would survive long in a house with 3 dogs and 2 cats was a little bit too optimistic.) As a kid, this was just par for the course.  As a mother, the whole thing makes my stomach turn and my head spin.  (more…)

Yup, I’m done. It took five years of living in the cold Pacific Northwest winters, but as of today, I’m done. Kaput. Let’s go home now. California here I come. Joke’s over.

Seventeen degrees this morning, and I had to run carpool. It positively dumped snow on us last night, and while my DH was kind enough to shovel and salt in the pre-dawn darkness, who knew that your car doors can freeze closed? So here’s me, three kids bundled up in all their winter puffiness, baby under arm, frozen keys in hand, and I can’t get the &*%$#@# car doors open! (more…)

The other night, DH and I were sitting in our computer room as I paid bills and he read something.  He came over to talk to me, and burped in my face.

“Yuck!” I think I said.

“Sorry, it just happened”, is what I think he said.

“Well, it’s gross”, I KNOW I said.

“Sorry, babe, you married me.”  He picked up his book, and  said something like, “You know, it’s a sign of love.  I never used to do this in front of you when we were dating.  But now that we’re married, and I’m secure in our relationship, I can do things like this. You should look at all this stench as a good thing.”

He started to walk out of the room, book in hand, and I hollered after him, “Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to be gross!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, go blog about it”, he said.

So here I am, blogging about it.  And here is my conclusion.

Men are gross.

I’m convinced.  I think most of the time, most of us are a bunch of whiners. (more…)

So, I have a question for you - what have been your favorite callings, and what are your “nightmare” callings?  (more…)