The toys in the Happy Meal come from “Shrek the Third”.

The toy babies make noise.

A lot of noise.

One of the noises resembles a pooping sound.

This sound is delightful to small children.

They will hit that infernal sound button over and over, just to hear the $*&%# thing poop.

This sound will make you want to ram this thing right down Ronald McDonald’s white and pasty throat, and kick that stupid clown halfway to China.

Or maybe it’s just me.

“Do you want me to pick up laundry soap with the milk on my way home?” asked DH.

“No, I have a coupon for Gain at Target.  I’m going to be better about using coupons.  Might save us some money, huh?”

Yeah, right. (more…)

After six years, we’ve gone and done it. Yesterday we did away with our anniversary. (more…)

Some days, I feel like I’m living in a nature show. (more…)

If you live in Utah, have we got a show for you!  Click here to learn about the benefit concert for Parker, a little boy with health problems whose medical bills are out of control.

It should be a great night, and what’s better than going on a date with your husband while knowing you are supporting a family in need?  WHAT’S BETTER??? HUH??? HUH?  That’s right - Absolutely NOTHIN’.

Of course, you can take your kids too.  If you want.  You know.

Go ahead.  Call me weak.  Tell me that if I had exercised harder, ate better, or prayed more, than my brain would be functioning correctly.  Bring it on.  Because seriously, folks, you can’t tell me anything that I haven’t told myself. (more…)

The last few days:

In Home Depot, buying knobs for the baby’s dresser: Hmm, yes, I could use that Snicker’s Bar.

Pulling out of Home Depot, passing a smoothie store: No, don’t need a smoothie.  The Snicker’s Bar was plenty.

Passing another smoothie store on the way home:  Well, shoot, buying those knobs was kind of stressful, I deserve a smoothie, don’t I?  No, not a power smoothie with all that good ginsing.  How about a strawberry chocolate banana smoothie with ice-cream instead of yogurt? (more…)

Everybody seems to be telling me that making lists will solve all my problems.  My realtor especially.  She’s a HUGE fan of lists.  I am too, really, truly I am, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. But I’ll try again - A list - Why I am special.

1. I am special because I am organized enough to get my car inspected in March when it isn’t due until April.  Unfortunately, I don’t get around to actually registering my car in May, and at that point the inspection is expired and I get to do it again.  Ah, me. (more…)

Just a quick note to tell you that if you missed the Scrubs musical the first time, it’s on again tonight.  “Everything comes down to Poo” “Guy Love” you know, the greatest hits of our time.  Enjoy.

This was forwarded to me in an email, and I definitely thought it was a hoax. Turns out, it’s not. Hand sanitizer, if ingested (like, say, if your toddler decides to lick his hand to see how that fruity smell tastes) can be fatal to small children.  Not to be an alarmist, just passing on an FYI.

Yet another excuse as to why my kid is a little grubby.

 Last night, this was a very important question. (more…)

This is a guest post by Starababa.

It seems to be a universal truth that almost from the moment of conception, most girls want to be in love. And to exacerbate the problem, they seem to fall in love rather easily. I was just reading The Wiz’s profile about how she wants to marry Mr. Darcy and it reminded me of the crush I also had all growing up on a certain fictional character, one I’m sure you’re all familiar with:

Gilbert Blythe. (more…)

I took my time getting ready for church today.  I washed, dried, and curled my hair, even using my mostly full, rarely used bottle of hairspray to keep it in place.  I put on jewelry for the first time in days, and carefully applied my make-up.  Since it is a glorious spring day, I chose not to wear the slimming black ensemble I have for the very pregnant, and instead chose a bright, springy dress that, granted, could sort of be described as mumu-like, but is a color that I have been told I look good in.  I went to church, hoping that the grooming effort could somehow hide the fact that I do, indeed, resemble a member of a bison herd.

They still laughed at me. (more…)

I used to feel morally superior.  I used to be above reality shows (unless they were on Bravo, which, for some reason, in my little brain, is COMPLETELY different).  I thought that most people who went on reality shows were attention seeking exhibitionisits, and watching them was only encouraging their sheer idiocy.

Then a while ago I took a mental break from my life (which is currently a huge pile of steaming dung) and watched American Idol for the first time ever, and was appalled by Sanjaya, and yet intrigued by Melinda. 

And now Melinda’s gone, and it actually DEPRESSED me, and the fact that this reality show affected me emotionally just pissed me off even more, and THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T WATCH REALITY SHOWS.  (Unless, you know, it’s ‘Project Runway.) 

Bring on the scripts!  I’d rather get invested in the lives of fictional people - which somehow makes me feel better about myself.  I need so much therapy.

At the risk of inviting every sicko on the internet trolling for po*n, I offer the following:

I’m hot. (more…)

This looks like a fun way to get involved in helping kids in Afghanistan.  Some pilots  are asking for donations of soccer balls that they can distribute from their helicopters to local children, which will hopefully improve relations between them and the locals.  The link should take you to their blog, where you can get details about what kind of balls you can send, the address you can send them to, etc, etc.    This operation will be in effect until December 2007, so y’all have plenty of time to get everything ready.  J and I just sent off a box of stuffed animals to Iraq (hat tip to TftcCarrie), and it was a good experience for us both.  This is a great opportunity to do something simple that could be helpful both to our troops as well as some kids who like to play soccer. 

Happy packing!

After dinner my two year old was a mess. There was strawberry shortcake all over Penny’s cheeks and chicken enchilada gumming up her fingers. I told her to come with me to wash up but she ran to her room and hid. We have a rule that she can’t play until after washing up and so I carried her to Time Out.

As soon as I set her down in the corner she looked up at me sweetly.

“I have a great idea, Mom!” (more…)

There is a heated debate going on over at Times and Seasons about how to make Mother’s Day better.  I don’t want to poach the topic, but I did want to send you here, an article I read in the Smithsonian about the inventor of Mother’s Day, and what her original intent was in creating this holiday.  Ironically, she spent her entire life trying to undo what she had done, simply because she felt that something as sacred as honoring mothers had turned into something cheap and commercial. 

She has a point. (more…)

This article from the NY Times about adoption is a great read for Mother’s Day.  Heartwrenching, but worth your time. Thanks to my friend JL for sending it on to me.

Have a good one, ladies.

This is a guest post from Jamie.  You can visit her at her blog at http://www.jamiewearsflipflops.blogspot.com/

I had a conversation with my mom today. She started out by saying, “I know you kids struggle with me not being active in the church.” (more…)