Ladies, I’m happy to report on our stake conference last week where we were able to hear from President Hinckley. As usual, his talk was direct and refreshing. His topic was the marital relationship. Some of you may have already heard him read the letter that he received from a woman. She asked him if there was anything more to hope from life than being “barefoot and pregnant” and expressed concern for her daughters being raised in the church turning out as miserable as she was. Then the prophet put the smack down.

I didn’t write down his words exactly, but this is pretty close to what he said:

I am tired of hearing this complaint. Of course the church believes in families. The scriptures say to multiply and replenish the earth. But we do not specify a number. That decision lies between the couple and the lord. The problem this woman is facing is between her and her husband, not the church.

My husband and I were sitting in the very back of the cultural hall, listening and as he spoke, you could see all the couples ahead of us giving each other excited looks. Of course, this is not news. We are told that not everyone has to have 10 kids. But for some reason there is pressure to produce. Maybe because the past generations have had different notions of righteousness and duty. Maybe because martyrdom is so hip. But I tucked this talk away in my pocket and intend to pull it out whenever I’m asked by my in-laws where their next grandbaby is.

I was thrilled when I found out I was expecting my second baby. I’ve always assumed I’d be one of those Mormon moms who would have 5 or 6 kids. My husband and I both come from double digit families and loved the experiences we had growing up. We always assumed our kids would have the same experience. But at six months pregnant, I had an unexpected, persistent thought. Two children could really be the perfect size for my family. I didn’t have to have more. Two children would work really well for us. I didn’t say anything to my husband, not wanting to hijack my plans for a larger family. But the peaceful feeling remained throughout my pregnancy and after delivery.

When my baby was about a month old, my husband and I were enjoying a quiet evening together after the girls had gone to sleep. My husband gave me a careful look then said, “honey, I think two kids is the right number for us.” He then braced himself, waiting for me to explode. He was shocked when I smiled instead and said that I’d been feeling that way as well for months. We began talking about it. It turns out, he had had this same strong impression right about the same time I had months ago.

As a happy mother of two, this joint revelation to myself and my husband has made my daily mothering less stressful. I enjoy the children I have without stressing that I’m falling behind in procreation. Who knows, maybe a time will come when we feel inspired to increase our family but for now, our decision has brought peace to our relationship and family, knowing we’re working under the Spirit’s direction. The expectations others have for us don’t bother us anymore since we know our family is being guided by the gospel and the Lord’s individual plan for us.

We women of the church can only be second class citizens if we let ourselves. Be it one or sixteen kids, it’s a number the Lord will help you determine. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!

End Rant.