By Heather O.
Born and raised in the province of Maissade, northwest of Port-au-Prince, Madame Dentes Delfoart followed rural tradition and replaced her name with that of her husband, Dentes, along with the honorific “Madame”. She makes ends meet by doing what she calls “a little selling”, which means she operates a sort of convenience store out of her storage shed. Mme. Delfoart, 41, seems to never stop moving. Busy days become busy nights, and throughout, her house draws a steady stream of visitors–both family and friends. Food isn’t plentiful, but she is able to scrape together enough to feed anyone who happens to be present at mealtime. Having joined the neighborhood Pentecostal church in 1985, both Dentes and Mme. Delfoart attend services regularly and consider themselves deeply religious.
EXCERPTS FROM INTERVIEW:
How do you spend your day?
When I wake up, I wash and make coffee. My husband goes to the garden and brings in some bananas or potatoes, and I make food for the day. I give beans to Fifi and Lucianne [her daughter and her niece] to put in the fire and they cook the food. Fifi and Lucianne are the ones who wash the clothes. Before, I used to do it.
What takes up most of your time?
My business. What I do most of the day after I feed the children is go out for many hours into Hinche [the nearest town] to buy things for my business–for my selling from my home. If I have nothing else to do, I take a rest.
With the business, does your family have enough money?
I do not have enough money to take care of my life. Just yesterday I was trying to find someone to lend me money to go to Hinche to buy things for my business. But our family is not poor–not really poor. When we are fine, we are fine; when we are not fine, we are not.
Did you ever go to school?
I have no formal education. My mother could not afford to send me to school, but she taught me to sew and cook and clean the house, and how to go to the river for water and tend the garden.
When you look back at your life since that time, what’s your proudest accomplishment?
That I joined the church and regularly pray to God.
Do you have a specific hope for the future?
That Jesus will come.
What would you change about your life if you could?
I cannot change my life.
You lived with Mr. Delfoart for a long time before marrying him.
Yes, I didn’t think that I would get married.
Why?
It is the man who decides to marry the woman. If a man does ask for her hand, she can accept. I wanted to be married, but as long as Dentes didn’t ask to marry me, I couldn’t get married, because a woman never asks a man to marry.
Is your life now with Mr. Delfoart what you expected at the time of your wedding?
I thought I would marry this man, and that we would love each other for life and die together.
Is your marriage happy?
Yes, I am happy. I love him very much.
NOTES: Women fill some powerful roles in Haitian society, such as Voodoo priestesses, traditional healers, and midwives, though men hold most of the political power. Women provide primary health care to much of the population, and deliver 80 percent of the babies. Giving birth is a marker of adulthood for women, and new mothers are often waited on hand and foot for weeks.
Haiti is incredibly poor. More than 40 percent of couples don’t get legally married; they simply can’t afford the wedding expenses. A scarcity of jobs has left many men unemployed, and since household duties are define as women’s province, women do the bulk of the work, including small-scale marketing of produce. Although low-wage manufacturing is dominated by women workers, Haitian law does give pregnant women the right to three-months of company subsized maternity leave.
Interview and notes by Maggie Sterber
For Friday: Pama Kondo and Fatoumata Toure, co-wives who live in Mali.




“But our family is not poor–not really poor. When we are fine, we are fine; when we are not fine, we are not.”
I want this written on a wall in my home. Most people in the world never consider the get ahead mentality we’ve adopted. I love this.
“I cannot change my life.”
This is hard to digest as well as somewhat enlightening. It’s hard to hear someone, especially a woman, say she is powerless to change her life. I immediately want to make that different. And yet, there is something so peaceful and simple in the idea that, again, it is not about changing the circumstances of our lives, but finding the peace within them.
Beautiful interview. Thank you for the post, Heather O.
Comment #1 by solMarch 26th, 2008 at 9:42 amI agree with everything sol said. Each one of those comments by Mme. Delfoart struck me hard –very hard. I also love how she said that her proudest acheivement had to do with religion.
Fascinating. I love this series, Heather!
Comment #2 by cherylMarch 26th, 2008 at 9:54 am“I agree with everything sol said”
I would like you to begin every comment with this. Thank you.
Comment #3 by solMarch 26th, 2008 at 10:19 amI agree with everything sol said too
Comment #4 by KrisMarch 26th, 2008 at 10:32 amI love these eye-opening glimpses into other womens’ lives. Thanks for the post.
Comment #5 by Mother of the Wild BoysMarch 26th, 2008 at 10:33 amI think it’s interesting how she doesn’t complain in her answers, even though the questions (some of them) are leads to complain. “what would you change about your life?” Most people would probably say something negative about their lives and how they would change that. And the question about “is her life with her husband how she imagined it would be?” That question wasn’t even answered. She said what she thought it would be like, but she didn’t say if it *is* like that. Again, she doesn’t complain,even when the most natural thing (to me) for her to do would be to talk about her hardships, since someone *is* asking.
I think complaing must be a side effect of living the kind of life I do. I have everything I need, but I think so much about the things I *want* and that leads to unhappiness at times, and to complaing. While people who live with less than I could ever imagine do not think to complain about what they lack (from what I have expereinced from these types of situations, anyway. Which is not much, so I’m trying not to generalize here). Maybe they are working so hard, they don’t have time to complain. Maybe they see the blessings much more clearly because they have “done without” and they know how bad it can really be. It’s a perpesctive I wish for, becuase I know I gripe WAY too much about stupid things. But even though it would be great to have that kind of thankful attitude that a lot of people who live in poverty have, I would rather not have the experiences that would make me have that attitude. I feel bad saying that, because it’s like I’m making it a choice that would lead to a better outlook on life, while for many, many people it’s NOT a choice, it’s life.
Sorry if that did not make a shred of sense. I’m not as eloquent as some. So… I guess what I’m saying is,
Comment #6 by mellocelloMarch 26th, 2008 at 11:57 pmI agree with everything sol said.
I’m really enjoying this series. Thank you.
Comment #7 by bythelbsMarch 27th, 2008 at 1:27 amThe acceptance is humbling. I wish I could be more accepting and worry less but I guess it’s that get ahead mentality sol mentioned.
Comment #8 by Al-anonMarch 27th, 2008 at 7:23 amYeah, what Sol said.
I read the story on the people in Haiti who eat mud cookies about a month ago and made a wild oath that I would never, ever say I was poor again. I have never eaten mud. I am not poor.
I think the thing that impresses me the most about this series is how amazingly resilient people are.
Comment #9 by JamiMarch 27th, 2008 at 7:46 amI agree with everything sol said. ;o)
Comment #10 by Lady of Perpetual ChaosMarch 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pmwhat now I attend about webpage then we Love us for your very bestthing. We would like to save its.
Comment #11 by youlovemarketSeptember 29th, 2011 at 3:36 am