By Heather O.

1. I have absolutely had similar experiences. When I was trying to decide whether or not to marry my husband, for example. I never did get a strong impression/answer. In the moment, though, it was insanely frustrating not to have an answer. But looking back I know it was the right thing. When I read your post, I IMMEDIATELY thought of one of Elder Oaks’ talks called, “Revelation.” It has very direct answers to the issues you are facing with prayer. I will just quote one of the many answers Elder Oaks provides:

   “Even in decisions we think very important, we sometimes receive no answers to our prayers. This does not mean that our prayers have not been heard. It only means that we have prayed about a decision which, for one reason or another, we should make without guidance by revelation. Perhaps we have asked for guidance in choosing between alternatives that are equally acceptable or equally unacceptable” (With Full Purpose of Heart, p.162)

   It was a BYU devotional, it’s in his book “With Full Purpose of Heart” and at the end of this chapter, it says that an abbreviated version was published in the New Era in Sept. 1982 which you can find on LDS.org

   Really, Melissa. Go read it. It’s just answers you’re looking for. I hope it gets better.

   Comment #1 by MarisaMay 22nd, 2008 at 12:46 pm

2. I am someone who receives answers to prayers rather easily. My husband, almost never. I just assume it’s a spiritual gift I’ve been given; he’s got other gifts. That said, I really do think anyone can receive answers to prayers. It’s a matter of recognizing how it works for you individually, I guess.

   First and foremost, lack of faith is a big issue. You really have to expect an answer. Not beg and plead for one, not hope desperately for one. Expect one. And be willing to hear it. Be willing to act on it even if it’s not what you want to hear.

   If you pray and your mind goes completely blank, that’s the whole stupor of thought thing, and whatever you were praying for or about is wrong.

   This may sound silly, but I recommend that you:

   1. Pray that you’ll learn how to recognize and receive answers to your prayers.
   2. Prepare yourself to pray. If there’s something important I want an answer to, I’ll often give myself a week. At the beginning of the week I’ll pray about how I’m going to be praying about whatever it is (usually the following Sunday), and I’ll pray that I’ll prepare myself spiritually for an answer, and that I’ll receive the answer I need. I’ll try to do whatever I need to do during the week to have the Spirit closeby—reading scriptures, fasting, etc.
   3. Pray and ask about things in a way that makes it easy to get an answer. Write down what you want to pray about beforehand. Ask yes and no questions: listen for an answer. Ask for an answer in the scriptures; then listen for which book and chapter to turn to (or just flip them open and see what jumps out at you). Give the Spirit a specific vehicle for answering. And then do your part to hear it.

   Sometimes you just don’t get an answer. Usually I take that to mean that the answer will become clear in a short while. It sounds like that might be the case for you: it became clear that the move wouldn’t work for your daughter’s condition.

   Comment #2 by Susan MMay 22nd, 2008 at 12:49 pm

3. Sometimes God tells me that either decision I make is okay with him. Nothing horrendous is going to happen either way so I’m left up to choosing without any burning feeling of right or wrong. Sometimes we have to make the decision first and then go to the Lord with it to feel that confirmation that what we’ve done is right or wrong.

   Comment #3 by KamiMay 22nd, 2008 at 12:50 pm

4. I think your non-answer was your answer, in my opinion. Very often (and this is all hind-sight here) in my life, when I have felt no confirmation, I realized it was because the answer was “no”.

   Other times, when I pray for things, nothing happens either way. I know exactly what you mean by the “heavenly echo” and wondering if God is listening.

   But you know what? He is! And I have a feeling that He loved you enough to let you make this decision on your own. He knew you would find out your child wouldn’t have the necessary care in the new location, so I’m betting He knew He didn’t have to tell you what to do. The answer was in your hands. Of course, this is speculation, because I honestly don’t feel comfortable telling you what God is trying to teach you…but! I do know that He listens.

   Sometimes, for me, it’s just a gut feeling. The Holy Ghost doesn’t give me the words, or the solutions, or the dreams. On Tuesday, I spent half the morning in fits of tears and praying for Heavenly Father to help fix my life and current depressive state. My gut told me to write a blog post. Wha? So I did, and wouldn’t you know it? The answers I needed came quickly –but not from inside. From other people.

   Honestly, prayer is such a personal thing. Individual inspiration is such a personal thing. It’s so different for everybody –but you are so wise to seek out the answers to how God communicates with you. Because He does! He loves you, and He communicates with you. I would think back on your life and try to figure out how He has done this and how you felt when He did…that might help your current situation and feelings of being ignored. D&C section 6 is also a good place to find some answers, although more universal; but it has helped me!

   Sorry this is so long. I didn’t mean it to be! But good luck! I hope you find some peace with this soon…

   Comment #4 by cherylMay 22nd, 2008 at 12:52 pm

5. What Susan said.

   Also, I don’t think the Lord micromanages our lives- by that I mean, I don’t necessarily think he puts lots of obstacles in our path- it just happens. Obstacles and difficulties are part of life in a fallen world- and it’s how we deal with them that involves God.

   That, and some people are really are gifted with receiving answers easier than others.

   Comment #5 by Tracy MMay 22nd, 2008 at 1:51 pm

6. I feel ya. Soemtimes I get clear answers that come as thoughts in my own head, seeming like I actually thought of these things. Like for example I will pray that my kids will get along better. Then within a few hours or days I’ll suddenly think: hey! I bet my kids would get along better if I did____ or if I had them _____! And it’s not like God is telling my heart these things or anything. they are just things that I thought of that I hadn’t thought of before. And that’s how I think he answers a lot of my prayers. So maybe that is like the thing with your move. You thought of all those reasons not to move….but maybe that was God’s way of giving you an answer.

   The only tricky part about this is (and I think this is the case for a lot of people no matter how they feel their prayers are anserd): was that MY idea, or God’s? Was that a sign? Or was that just a coincidence? It gets muddy, but I have found that with the really big things, if the spirit feels like it’s there: if it just feels okay or right *enough* for the moment because you have to make a choice NOW, then it will be okay and it’ll work out in the end.

   Comment #6 by mellocelloMay 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm

7. Sometimes the answers to my prayers are in such a still, small voice that I am not sure I heard correctly! And, like you, I often don’t think I have heard anything at all. I have also had strong impressions that I should do a certain thing only to later find out that it was a bad idea. I used to really wonder how that could be. Once I took a job that I felt impressed was the answer to my prayer and on day 3 of it decided I just had to quit. I didn’t get it! Why the two different impressions?? But later on, looking back, I realized the strength that quitting required of me, and that made me feel strong. I realized that I didn’t need to be desperate and take any job that came along, but to hold out for the right one because many other factors turned out to be more important. I also find that I see more answers to the prayers I pray for others. Maybe that is part of my lesson.

   Comment #7 by LisaCMay 22nd, 2008 at 3:07 pm

8. I’m glad that there are others who easily receive answers to prayers. I don’t, but I’m glad others do.
   That said, it’s not very helpful for those who get easy answers to tell the rest of us “I really do think anyone can receive answers to prayers.”
   Some of us just don’t. It’s like saying, “I really do think anyone can get pregnant, you just have to try harder.”
   How can you know that?

   Comment #8 by JessawhyMay 22nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm

9. I have absolutely had those experiences. Worst was about 2.5 years ago when we were trying to decide where to find our next child (we’re adoptive parents) and I got a huge fat nothing for months on end. Fasted - nothing. Temple - nothing. Finally got some spiritual feelings that made me think I was maybe somehow miraculously pregnant. False. 9 months after that we brought home our daughter in foster care, 2 days old. 18 months later than THAT, we are set to adopt her. All the nothings make sense now, because I was not asking about the right path (foster care) until many months later. So my best advice is, hang on. Sometimes the nothing is your answer and in time it will make sense.

   Comment #9 by anaMay 22nd, 2008 at 3:20 pm

10. Sometimes I get answers easily, sometimes I don’t. But mostly I go on with life and pray that He’ll let me know if I’m about to do something wrong. Believe it or not, that’s actually worked out quite well for me.

    Comment #10 by moniqueMay 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm

11. I have found over the years that it’s so important to be praying in the right way. We are not told to just go to HF and say, “What should we do?” We are told to study it out in our minds, make a decision and THEN bring it to the Lord. Then he will tell us if that decision is right or wrong…or sometimes it will be neither. There have been plenty of times when I haven’t received answers to prayers and just went about doing what I thought was right. There was a fantastic talk in Gen Conference in April about Prayer by Elder Bednar. I’m not going to sum it up, just go read it. I learned a lot. I also love what Tracy M said. God doesn’t micromanage us. Sometimes it’s just not a huge thing that he needs to get involved in. Good luck.

    Comment #11 by Jamie JMay 22nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm

12. Jessawhy-

    We know everyone will receive answers to prayers because God has revealed to us through the scriptures and through His prophets that He answers prayers. He says it over and over and over again. Many women here have said that the answers to their prayers don’t always come in the same way as others’ answers come. Some feel the silence and then later know why there was silence. Some are still struggling with the silence. But that doesn’t mean Heavenly Father isn’t aware of their heartache, nor that He will never answer their pleas.

    And besides, Melissa asked for help. Everyone here is trying to do that by sharing their experiences with her; easy answers or not…

    Comment #12 by cherylMay 22nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm

13. I feel very similarly. I feel like I don’t ever get any answers, good or bad. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. Like maybe God is talking and I’m just too thick to get it. I’ve heard many times that we should work out for ourselves what we should do, come to a decision, and then take that decision to God. If it’s right, calm feeling, if it’s wrong then pit in stomach kind of feeling. I don’t ever feel anything but worry over trying to hear or feel any reply!

    Maybe I’m trying too hard. I know God sometimes works in mysterious ways. But sometimes I wish I could here that distinct voice in my head that so many people talk about. What I really need is for God to club me over the head. Then maybe I’d get it!

    Comment #13 by apple pieMay 22nd, 2008 at 5:07 pm

14. Here is my first (of countless others) memory of not receiving answers to prayers:

    I must have been about ten years old. I was reading a story in the Friend magazine about a child who prayed about Joseph Smith being a prophet. The kid in the story had the typical warm feeling, happiness, etc. that signaled God’s answer. I remember putting the magazine down and deciding to pray like this kid. I knelt by my bed and prayed and prayed, listening for God’s answer, waiting to feel anything about Joseph Smith.

    Twenty-five years later, I still haven’t received an answer to that question.

    Obviously, I learned very young that I will not experience what other people describe: a burning in the bosom, a light inside, a warm feeling, etc. Because of this, here are the decisions that I have made without praying first:

    college, college major, graduate school, first job, getting my tubes tied after my second child, etc., etc.

    I don’t pray for answers. I figure things out on my own and make the decision that seems to make sense to me.

    However, I feel that God is intimately involved in my life, and I am constantly mindful of Him and His will. One of the most helpful scriptures that I ever read about this topic is Doctrine Covenants 11:12-13:

    12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.
    13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy.

    This exactly describes how I experience revelation. For me, it’s not an overt, specific answer. It’s an overall perspective on my entire life.

    Comment #14 by AngieMay 22nd, 2008 at 6:45 pm

15. I think your reluctance to accept the job and the “cons” that kept coming to your mind ARE an answer. To have a persistent, nagging feeling that something isn’t right (child #3 won’t have access to care) is an answer. God has given us incredible, reasoning brains for a purpose. Perhaps the trouble for you is accepting that the line between your own thoughts, concerns, opinions and guidance from God is going to be blurry. Best wishes.

    Comment #15 by Barb @ getupandplayMay 22nd, 2008 at 7:08 pm

16. A book that really helped me with prayers is Gene R Cook, Receiving Answers to Our Prayers. Really an easy read, I have since recommended it to a few friends with the same issue and it has helped them as well!

    Hugs to you, it sounds like a difficult choice you had, but it also sounds like you made the right decisions.

    Comment #16 by SheridanMay 22nd, 2008 at 7:13 pm

17. You were able to determine that medical services that your child needed were not available. Isn’t that an answer to prayer? You found the info that you needed in order to make the decision.
    So many answers to prayers for me have been when I have a big problem and I feel like all the research or conversations I have help me learn what I need to know, help me come up with ideas, etc. I try to give God credit for them.
    I like the story of the rabbi/priest/or whoever, who fell off a cliff. As he was falling a helicopter comes by and the pilot tells him to grab hold but the guy says, “No, my God will save me.” Then a bird comes…same thing. Then a parachuter comes, same thing. Finally he hits the ground and goes to heaven. The guy asks God “Why didn’t you save me?” God says “I sent a helicopter, a bird and a parachuter but you turned them down.”
    So, the point is that it is very possible that the Lord is sending you answers by helping you get the info you need to make the decision.

    Comment #17 by JKSMay 22nd, 2008 at 7:47 pm

18. Faith. Still a tricky concept for me too. But I know that with out faith, prayer doesn’t work.

    Also, I truly believe that if you are doing your very best and doing the things he’s asked of you, he will not let you make a bad decision. Something will come up in your life to deter you. The Lord has many ways of answering prayers, and the warm/fuzzy spiritual feeling isn’t always it. Often it’s people around us, or the circumstances change, or whatever. I think you got your answer. Just keep doing what is right.

    Comment #18 by LynnetteMay 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm

19. I only read a few of the other comments.

    In RS this past Sunday, it was said that we have to EXPECT an answer. But we also have to accept what is God’s will. My favorite passage in the scriptures is in the Bible Dictionary under prayer. It was paraphrased in “Dawson’s Creek” (my guilty pleasure…): Prayer doesn’t change God; Prayer changes me. I think in the BD it says that the child’s wants/needs are brought in line with God’s plan (more or less).

    I’ve found things after I’ve prayed about them. And I know that if I pray for something, I’ll get an answer. My husband practically rolls his eyes when I tell him to pray about getting his homework done or something seemingly minor, but hey, I found my hamster - and the cat wasn’t trying to eat it - because I prayed.

    But even though I know I’ll get an answer, I’m not always sure that I recognize it. Basically, for me, I’m such an indecisive person that if I am not questioning something anymore, that’s my answer. I suppose it’s also a gut thing. If I feel in my gut that something’s right, it is.

    I think expecting an answer and being open to any answer are the keys. And, as was also mentioned in RS, give credit where it’s due. Don’t take credit for an idea that the Spirit gave you. Also, DO what you’re supposed to if you get an answer. If you act on it time and time again, it’ll happen more often.

    Comment #19 by Erin MarieMay 22nd, 2008 at 9:58 pm

20. (I went back and read some more comments…)

    Jessawhy - I do believe that everyone can get answers to prayer. It’s not comforting to hear that when you’re someone who struggles to get answers, but it’s true. Some just require more practice than other.

    Angie - I decided once that I hadn’t ever prayed about the Book of Mormon, so I did. Nothing. I don’t remember exactly how long I prayed, but eventually, I just told myself, “You know, you already know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. If he was, then the Book of Mormon is true. You already know that. Why do you need another answer?” Some things just fit together like that.

    Comment #20 by Erin MarieMay 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm

21. Some really good comments on here. For me, praying and asking “What shall I do?” has never worked. I always go with the Oliver Cowdery school: study it out in your mind, then ask if it is right. For example, a couple months before my husband and I married, his father called him up because he’d heard that I had started taking birth control. I sat and listened to my fiance’s side of the conversation as his dad gave him a verbal beating, or what my father-in-law thought was calling him to repentance. I was very seriously upset. We’d read a lot, and thought a lot, about when we should start having children, and felt strongly that we should wait. I went home and knelt down, and told Heavenly Father, “I am on birth control because it feels like the right thing to do for me. I still think it is right for me. If it is not, please let me know, because I want to do what you want me to do.”

    Nothing spectacular happened, but I felt good about my decision, so I kept with it. (My father-in-law later apologized, too.) My thinking is that God loves me enough that he will stop me from doing something really dumb or wrong if I’ve prepared, done my best, and put my heart in the right place. So if he doesn’t tell me no, I’m going right ahead.

    Comment #21 by CrystalMay 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 pm

22. Revelation can be tricky stuff to figure out. I’m still learning, but the two big things that I’ve learned along the way are:
    1 - God speaks to people in different ways. The burning in the bosom thing doesn’t happen for me, and I almost never get an answer when I’m on my knees, but I’ve learned that if I stay in tune as I go throughout my day, I’m given the insight & direction I need. Praying to ask God how he speaks to me was really helpful in figuring that out.
    2 - I’ve discovered that 90% of the time when I’m deciding between two things and getting no answer, the problem is that there is a third option that is perfect that I hadn’t considered. The other 10% are cases where both options would be fine, and God wants me to decide for myself. It can be hard to tell them apart, but I’m trying to look out for other options more often than before.
    Good luck - I know how incredibly frustrating it is to be willing to do what God wants you to do, and having no idea what He wants.

    Comment #22 by ErinMay 23rd, 2008 at 5:38 am

23. I second what Marisa and Susan M. said. What you said reminds me of my own personal struggles with faith, and subsequently with prayer. For me, I know that I feel, and am, closer to the Spirit and Heavenly Father when I align my life with the Gospel. *Please know that I am not trying to infer that you are out of sync with the Gospel, only giving my personal perspective. I greatly struggle with faith, Melissa, please don’t feel alone or bad. It seems that Elder Oaks’ talk would be comforting and helpful. Also Scriptures; I know that I have received inspiration through the Scriptures. Thinking of you during this trying time.

    Comment #23 by AnonMay 23rd, 2008 at 7:35 am

24. I recently was struggling with receiving an answer and was talking to my husband about my frustration and confusion with not receiving an answer. His response was, “Well that sounds like a stupor of thought.” The confusion about not receiving an answer was actually my signal that the answer was “no.” And I’m glad I followed that, I see now it was the right decision.

    In general though I do have a hard time seeking answers, but I’ve found that often it comes from me asking the wrong questions. As I pray and study over an issue I refine my questions. Once I finally find the right question, then I get my answer. So using your example, for me asking “should we take this job or not?” may have been the wrong question and I would get that empty plunk. But as I studied out the situation, maybe the right question is, “would this new job be materially damaging to child #3?” If that was the right question, I’d get an answer. But maybe the question is really tangential, for example, “In which place will I be the most effective visiting teacher?” No joke, that was the question I needed to ask when we were deciding about a job. It wasn’t until we asked, where will we most benefit in a ward that we got an answer.

    Comment #24 by SeekerMay 23rd, 2008 at 10:07 am

25. Oh, and I forgot to add that I think Erin is completely right. We all receive answers differently. If I looked to get answers the way my husband does — huge manifestations of truth — I’d never think I got answers. I’ve had to test to see if what I was feeling really was an answer.

    Comment #25 by SeekerMay 23rd, 2008 at 10:10 am

26. EVERYTHING feels like a stupor of thought to me and then I feel guilty that I am not in tune enough blah, blah, blah. A vicious circle for me and prayer and I have to teach about prayer to my primary class on Sunday-yikes! Panic! Some of the comments have been very helpful-thanks for your openness & honesty.

    Comment #26 by CarrieMay 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 am

27. My sister read thsi book on revelation from Gerald N. Lund. I’m partly through it, and I lurve it. Lots of great insights on how to discerns the spirit’s Whisperings.

    Comment #27 by Working Mormon WifeAugust 1st, 2008 at 10:33 am

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