By The Wiz
1. Waking my kids up on the first day of vacation to take them visting teaching at eight thirty in the morning to the Relief Society President’s house is my NEW FAVORITE THING. (It was fine, though, really.)
2. I believe that a shower isn’t really a successful shower unless your skin is bright red when you get out.
4. I don’t really want to outlive you all. Old age .. like, REALLY old (90s and beyond) freaks me out.
5. Let me clarify - old PEOPLE don’t freak me out. Just the thought of ME getting super old….I just don’t want to. Mostly because I’m afraid if I live too long, I will run out of money and then it’s either move in with my children and have their spouses HATE me, or it’s be a bag lady. Neither option sounds good.
6. Youth is not an accomplishment. It’s just youth.
7. Sometimes people know me and I don’t know them. This I obsess about. It’s very disconcerting.
8. I want a pool. I never thought I would, but I do. Go ahead and tell me I should send the money to Africa. You’re right. I should. I don’t have the money, anyway, so it’s a moo point. You know, like a cow’s opinion. It’s moo. (reference?)
10. I hate the phrase “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” Really, I do. I think it gets misused and instead of being a little reminder to use resources wisely, it now means: Sit on that hideous, germ-infested, hand-me-down couch until it literally falls apart, then go pick up another one off a curb somewhere that somebody’s thrown away, and THEN you can get to heaven. This bothers me.
11. Also, I have decided that the wonderful feeling you get when you are in a nice clean house is not worth the massive amounts of effort it takes to get there, and I have yet to find a way to make cleaning fun. I’ve tried timers, I’ve tried music, I’ve tried chocolate. I’ve done the cost/benefit analysis, and the price is too high. The only thing I like is robots. MORE ROBOTS. Is there a way to make cleaning fun? Don’t lie.
12. Nature Valley’s Roasted Nut Crunch Granola Bars, Almond Crunch flavor, may just be the best granola bar ever invented. (Roasted almonds, peanuts, and sunflower seeds.) Seriously good. SEND ME FREE BARS NOW, YES?
13. Generic Windex does not give you a “streak-free shine.” Real Windex does, though, and I want them nice folks to send me lots and lots of free Windex. HELLO?? PLEASE SEND ME FREE WINDEX! GENERIC SUCKS.
14. “Your house did not get dirty in a day and it will not get clean in a day.” This phrase also bothers me, because while it may be true that my house will not get clean in a day, it’s also true that my house DID get dirty in about 20 minutes.
15. And finally, my dog is scared of the wind. It’s very, very odd.