By The Wiz
Alternate title: WOULD YOU MOVE HERE ALREADY SO YOU CAN HELP ME PICK OUT JEANS?
Hmmm…THIS size is a SMIDGE too tight, but boy, does your butt look sexy. However, it is a little tight at the waist, creating a small “muffin top” look, and you’re not too sure if putting them on often is going to be so much of a pain that you skip wearing them altogether, and if they shrink at all, you won’t wear them at all, thereby making the purchase moot. (moo?)
On the other hand: THIS size is a tad loose, mostly in the butt area, and if they stretch at all, you won’t wear them, because nothing bothers you more than wearing jeans that don’t fit, and constantly pulling them up is a pain, and you stopped wearing belts long ago because after three pregnancies you just forgot they existed. But, they fit really well in the waist area, and if they shrink at all, it would be GREAT, but if they stretch, again, moo.
At this point, you MAY call somebody and yell at them for not living near you. You know, hypothetically. Strong friendships can handle it. She might ask if your weight is going up or down. You wish you knew the answer to this question.
You consider going out and finding another brand. You decide against it. This may be foolish, but buying jeans is stressful enough, and you don’t want to go through this with every brand you try. Seriously, bringing two to three sizes of two to three styles into the dressing room gets a little tiring. Also, the wash on these jeans was QUITE PERFECT.
WHEN DID SIZES STOP BEING UNIVERSAL? WHY CAN’T I JUST PICK UP THE SAME SIZE IN ALL BRANDS? AND WHEN DID “ODD” NUMBERS SHOW UP IN SIZES?
I used to like shopping alone. I used to be able to tell, all by myself, if something looked good or not. I’m not sure when I lost this skill.
Also, if you can tell me how to make my new jeans shrink just a teeny tiny little bit, my butt will thank you.