Cheating16 Oct 2008 07:19 pm
By The Wiz
Tonight, my bread maker and my wheat grinder sat idle as I opened a package that said Boboli.
Even though I have no home grown herbs or freshly picked tomatoes in the house, I smeared the ’sauce packet included!’ on top of said Boboli.
I then opened a bag of pre-shredded mozzarella cheese and threw some of that onto my precious creation.
Next came some pre-packaged, pre-sliced pepperoni.
On another Boboli, after the sauce and cheese, I lovingly placed canned pineapples and packaged deli ham.
I threw them both in the oven and called it dinner.
I then pulled out some strawberries and cut up the ones that weren’t moldy. It turned out to be about half the package.
The end.
I’m sure you served hand-made pasta and fresh squeezed orange juice earlier in the day. Oh, wait a minute, no! Your kids are only allowed one meal now! Oh, the humanity …
Comment #1 by Ardis ParshallOctober 16th, 2008 at 7:26 pmYou’re mocking me, aren’t you. (sigh)
Ardis, you are pee your pants funny, you know?
Comment #2 by Heather O.October 16th, 2008 at 7:30 pm{snicker} Not you, Heather, your rumor-mongering friend!
And I what my who huh?
Comment #3 by Ardis ParshallOctober 16th, 2008 at 7:37 pmMocking AND belittling.
Comment #4 by The WizOctober 16th, 2008 at 7:46 pmI don’t get no respect. I’m going to bed.
Comment #5 by Heather O.October 16th, 2008 at 8:13 pmOkay, if you’re going to cheat with the pizza crust, surely you can do better than Boboli. Check out Mama Mary’s crusts…they’re the only ones I use when DH doesn’t make the dough. I like the thin crust variety.
Comment #6 by WingnutOctober 16th, 2008 at 8:28 pmIf you feed your family that kind of trash your kids will end up obese and have diabetes.
Comment #7 by Alison WonderlandOctober 16th, 2008 at 8:30 pmDoom, I tell you Doooooooom!!!!!!
Good job Alison, it’s been far too long since we had a good dooming around here!
Comment #8 by mo mommyOctober 16th, 2008 at 8:41 pmAnd I have to agree, you’re on quite a roll Ardis…
Dude. I’m so depressed. I seriously thought that was how you’re supposed to make homemade pizza.
Comment #9 by MommyJOctober 16th, 2008 at 8:49 pmWhat’s pizza? Ohhhhhhh, you mean the stuff I can’t eat anymore cuz I’m celiac. Yesh, I remember now.
Let me tell you how to REALLY cheat when you make “homemade pizza” You pop a DiGiorno in the oven, call it done.
Comment #10 by mellocelloOctober 16th, 2008 at 9:13 pmAhhhh…memories, in the corner of my miiiind…
I laughed out loud when I read this in google reader. Then when I popped over to make a comment, I found the other comments even funnier. Thanks for the good laugh. Behold my dinner tonight:
Reached into the dark corner of my food storage shelf and pulled out 2 cans of beef stew left over from when my husband was the scout master over two years ago.
Actually ruined an add-water-only corn muffin mix because I didn’t read the instructions and I was supposed to boil the water first.
Used refrigerator biscuits instead. The end.
Comment #11 by Steph @ Diapers and DivinityOctober 16th, 2008 at 9:30 pmBoil the water first? Kinda takes the simple out of add-water mixes, doesn’t it?
My son made pre-packaged Alfredo noodle crud and threw in a can of cooked turkey. We shall live to cook a better meal. Some other time.
Comment #12 by JamiOctober 16th, 2008 at 9:51 pmOoh! I just have to say that Homestyle Bakes has a GREAT chicken-gravy-on-mashed-potatoes-topped-with-biscuits meal out now… had that twice recently and loved it BOTH times!!! (Simple tastes, LOL… but I do make my own WW bread on occasion, I promise!)
And it ain’t cheatin’ if you have to assemble it, IMHO
.
Comment #13 by kannieOctober 16th, 2008 at 10:46 pmMommyJ - That IS how I make homemade pizza. No making the dough or sauce myself. No guilt. I do feel bad there wasn’t a vegetable to be seen, however….
mellocello- DiGiornio is good, it’s true. I have a good friend who’s also celiac. She misses pizza too. And certain cereals.
Comment #14 by The WizOctober 16th, 2008 at 10:56 pmWhatever happened to Dominoes?
Comment #15 by wbprawOctober 16th, 2008 at 11:02 pmWon’t deliver here. I live in out in boonyland.
Comment #16 by The WizOctober 16th, 2008 at 11:10 pmThat’s pizza in my house.
We had FFY night, which means everyone scrounged whatever they could find. Abby ate two containers of yogurt and some crackers she found on the pantry floor. Jeffrey had leftover soup from last night and the last of the breakfast pie I made yesterday when I was being a good mama. Bean had… ta-da-da! peanut butter Ritz crackers.
I think DH ate a box of popsicles and a diet coke. I had the dregs of a box of croutons and some baby carrots.
Bet you feel better now!
Comment #17 by Tracy MOctober 16th, 2008 at 11:27 pmI don’t know, but our Dominoes is gone and they still (cruelly, I might add) play commercials for it.
And Wiz, you haven’t truly cheated until you’ve run into Costco, grabbed a box of salad from the produce fridge, prepaid for your “food court” pizzas, picked up and been on your merry way!
Comment #18 by SallygirlOctober 16th, 2008 at 11:51 pmThis made me LOL! And last night my kids had Pizza Hut while we went to a friend’s house for a party.
Comment #19 by meemsOctober 17th, 2008 at 5:54 amMy kids had poptarts for a pre-soccer game snack and then came home to have a bowl of cereal for their “real” dinner last night.
Comment #20 by ModdyOctober 17th, 2008 at 6:57 amYou’re just bitter because your last attempt at making bread from your machine ended in an unidentifiable glob and your husband yelling, “Abort! Abort! Abort!”
Comment #21 by Heather O.October 17th, 2008 at 8:01 amLast night DH and I had Papa Johns (because we had a coupon for free pizza for donating $10 to the high school band). The kids (who can’t have regular pizza because it has wheat, and milk, and soy in it) had hot dogs and coconut milk yogurt.
Comment #22 by VadaOctober 17th, 2008 at 9:08 amPap John’s at my sisters house during a game. Now that’s cheating.
Comment #23 by Molly DoeOctober 17th, 2008 at 10:35 amDinner? What’s that?
Comment #24 by JewelsOctober 17th, 2008 at 11:22 amWhat ever happened to just picking up some hot dogs from 7-11? A gift from Jesus, I tell you.
Comment #25 by merrybitsOctober 17th, 2008 at 11:39 amWe had homemade spinach lasagna. Of course, we also had the sister missionaries over. Once when I was a kid we forgot the missionaries were coming, and they showed up when us kids were sitting down to some kid made burritos (refried beans, cheese, cold tortillas, no veggies or sides or dessert in sight, the end.). I can still remember their surprise - after getting used to good meals every night I’m sure they were less than excited. Since today was the first time I’ve ever had the missionaries come, I wanted to make sure we had something “real.”
Comment #26 by ThoraOctober 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pmHamburger helper over here … what a bunch of cheaters we are
I think my family would have been impressed with your “homemade” pizza though!
Comment #27 by JodiOctober 17th, 2008 at 7:57 pmHah. We “invited” my in-laws to go out for dinner with us tonight (which always results in them paying for our food, because they’re nice like that). So, no cooking for me today, which is great, since we found out today my DH is leaving on a business trip on Sunday for a week and we decided spur of the moment to have myself and le kiddo go to visit my family in Utah for the week, and I certainly don’t need any more dishes to catch up on tomorrow.
And I won’t have to cook at all for a week! Hooray! Yummy mommy-made food.
Comment #28 by kaduseyOctober 17th, 2008 at 9:05 pm