By The Wiz
When I was little, occasionally we would go visit Daddy in his office. And while there, my siblings and I would tear apart his office in search of his hidden candy. Of course, his candy was often NASTY candy, in the form of circus peanuts, but hey, candy is candy. (What is the deal with circus peanuts anyway? They’re orange, they’re shaped like peanuts, somewhat marshmallow consistency, and yet - they’re banana flavored. To quote Miss Congeniality - “How bizarro is that?”)
Anyway, I always wondered why he hid his candy. Why not have it in plain sight? Why not bring some of it home to his loving children instead of keeping it stashed in his office? Plus, logicallly, if he was hiding candy in his office, then perhaps he was hiding candy somewhere in the house. So I would search, and while my search did not often bear fruit, occasionally a bag of jelly bellies would surface. Again, what’s with the gross candy? Jelly Bellies? Why couldn’t Dad like chocolate candy bars or Jolly Ranchers?
Well, I now completely understand the need to hide candy from children. You see, here’s the secret I never knew as a child: Candy was not invented to destroy baby teeth alone. Adult teeth is just as susceptible. And while adults don’t eat it as often as children do, occasionally, there is a need for sugar. And hidden sugar is often the only available sugar.
So I buy cheap cookies and put them in the cookie jar. I buy Pepperidge Farm Milanos (or Bordeaux) and hide them in the medicine cabinet. If you look hard enough, you might find the occasional Three Musketeers or Skor bar stashed as well. Let me make this clear - it is not all of the time, it is not even most of the time. But it is some of the time. Am I the only one that does this? Does the mean I’m like the alcoholic that hides liquor in the toilet bowl? Do I need a 12-step program?
Do you hide things from your children? And where do you hide it? Because my kids are starting to figure out that the medicine cabinet occasionally yields yummies other than medicine. They’re not stupid. And, after all, they probably think just like I did as a kid: If it’s in the house, then it’s fair game. After all, Mommy didn’t mean to hide it, she just stuck it in the wrong cupboard. Probably just an accident.
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