By Tracy M
Potty training is not going well at our house. The practical wisdom is boys are harder to train, but my daughter is proving that an old wives’ tale. Case in point: the other day, still naked after her bath, she pooped on the bathroom floor. She was oblivious. When I pointed in out to her, she quizically looked at it, then at me, all rosy-cheeked and cute, and querried “Cookie, Mama?”
The girl is clueless. She’s two-and-a-half now, and there seems to be no wiring between her bottom and her brain. With my boys, I would let them go naked so they could see what was happening, they made the connection, and were quickly going in the potty with little prompting. With Abby, when I let her go naked, she just piddles all over the place and never even stops what she’s doing to notice. It’s horrible, and I had to follow her around with a bottle of floor cleaner. I’ve given up on the that route, but am fresh out of ideas.
Something’s got to happen, though- and soon. The size 6 diapers are screaming as I try and tape them over my 42 pound two-year old- and buying the new size 7’s is a line a line in the sand. How many would I get in a pack? Five? Nope. Not going there.
So Girlfriend better get her behind in gear and make friends with the potty.
Um, after I stopped laughing, I reread your words, and I’m so sorry to say it, but you’re gonna have to cross that line in the sand. If she doesn’t even recognize her own cookie-making skills, well, that’s a definite problem. Give it up and try later.
And just for solidarity, my girl was over three before she could smell her own poop. But she never did mistake it for a cookie.
Comment #1 by AhnaNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:03 amHave you tried making her clean up her own messes? That’s the advice I was given with my son.
Not that it worked for me. But, hey, maybe it’s worth a try.
Comment #2 by AnnaleeNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:04 amUgh - I’ve always been more nervous about potty training than about giving birth.
Comment #3 by emNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:39 amSo sorry.
Forcing doesn’t work… sometimes it just makes them take longer to train (ask me how I know… on the other hand, no, don’t!)
If she is only 2 1/2 she is still pretty young. I know some kids train by that age, but many don’t.
My only advice is to try cloth diapers. She might not like the way they feel, and it could motivate her.
Good luck!
Comment #4 by GingerNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:40 am2 1/2 is still young, even being a girl so I wouldn’t fret too much. Except did you say she’s 40-something Pounds? I guess I’d be in a hurry to quit buying them too!
My daughter will be 3 in a couple of weeks and I haven’t tried very hard. Reason being: if you wait long enough they just train themselves and there’s no work involved. I like it that way.
~ lol!! She will go in the potty but I have to constantly prompt and ask and reward and yadda yadda. Wouldn’t be a big deal if I wasn’t constantly on the go with my family of 8 but we’re just not ever home all day for a full week or so so I can get her all trained. Oh well.
p.s. my princess gags at the sight of her own poo. yah-teaching her to wipe IS going to be oodles of fun!
Comment #5 by RhondaLueNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:44 amTime to take a break…but you write about it with such good humor.
Do you have all the potty books you can check out from the library? And, one that is totally worth buying (amazon.com) is Everyone Poops. Great book. When I read it to my kids, I don’t try to read it with an agenda. Just with the same enthusiasm (oh goody!) I read all their books–maybe a little more enthusiasm.
Plus, it’s a great coffee table book. You probably already have it.
After awhile, the who concept of poop will sink in, and maybe she’ll ask to go potty, and then you’ll know you can try again.
GOOD LUCK! Hilarious! Don’t spend all her college savings on diapers!
Comment #6 by EmilyNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:46 amP.S. I’d be thrilled if you checked out my cooperative blog, we launched just 2 weeks ago and are having a ball with it. I feel like our blogs are secretly friends on the internet behind our backs. Weird, I know.
Comment #7 by EmilyNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:49 amUgh. I’m sorry, Tracy. My daughter wasn’t ready until she was three, but a week after her 3rd birthday, when she HAD to be trained, (for the start of preschool), she did it.
Did she really think it was a cookie? Maybe she just wanted a cookie for making you such a nice present!
Comment #8 by meemsNovember 17th, 2008 at 11:49 amif you combined all the potty training challenges of my boys in to one, they still wouldn’t have been as hard as my daughter. That’s probably not too encouraging. I hated it though, cause everyone was like, “Oh girls are so much easier” and I’m thinking “then why won’t my almost three almost four year old stop leaking on herself?” She’s fine now. At age five. and has been for many, many months. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. But it’s a crappy tunnel. Heh. No pun intended.
Comment #9 by MommyJNovember 17th, 2008 at 12:17 pmI really think 3.5 is the magic age for potty training–They basically do it them selves and are in charge for the rest of their lives. It can be hard to see children who are big for their age as the young children they really are. Don’t worry, no one starts kindergarten in diapers (even in really terrible environments) so she’ll (and you’ll) be just fine.
Comment #10 by carriemNovember 17th, 2008 at 12:41 pmAgh! I hope it works out soon. I will have to face that someday.
Comment #11 by RachelNovember 17th, 2008 at 12:45 pmThey’re making size 7’s? WHY DID NO ONE INFORM ME?
How long until the size 8’s are available?
Comment #12 by madhousewifeNovember 17th, 2008 at 12:48 pmBefore I became a parent, potty training was one of the things I was most scared of. I was just sure it would be awful. As my daughter got closer to the age, I thought, “Oh, it can’t possibly be as bad as I think.” It was, it was every bit as bad as I thought it would be, and worse. My daughter seemed completely ready to potty train at age two (including for permission to use the potty), so we went for it. Well, she wasn’t psychologically ready, so we had to back up and try again. She was finally pottytrained at 3. She seemed to have the opposite problem of your daughter. She would hold her poops in. Oh the constipation! The painful bowel movements! The tears! The hours of standing in restrooms public and private telling her stories to try and help her relax. It was a nightmare.
Comment #13 by PmomNovember 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pmMy youngest daughter is not yet 2. I probably won’t try with her until she is 3, because I am still traumatized by the experience with her older sister. Luckily, she is only in size 4’s now, but the $$$ certainly start to add up,
I have 5 children. 3 of them are old enough to use the potty. But those 3 kids didn’t learn to use the potty until they were ages 5, 4 and 4. That’s right folks. We had a loooong run with diapers. I have no concept of what it must be like to have a 2 year old who wants to use the potty.
They may not have learned to use the potty as soon as I would have liked, but they all got it eventually. Even my autistic child learned to use the potty! I know it feels like it might never happen, but it usually does sooner or later. Good luck.
Comment #14 by apple pieNovember 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pmThis is so timely because I just started potty training my first this morning! And now I’m scared. She hasn’t done anything in the potty yet and I think has the same issue as your daughter because she’ll sit on it and then stand up and clap and expect her treat even though she did nothing. She doesn’t seem to really understand what it means to pee pee in the potty. So she’s currently watching Dora while she sits on her little training potty so that she can “accidentally” go in it without thinking about it and know what it looks like when she’s actually gone in the toilet. I have no idea if this will be a good or bad thing, but it’s all I could think of.
Good luck with yours! May we both have success by the end of the week (or month? year? Yikes!)
Comment #15 by StarababaNovember 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pmSorry I have no advice for you — only sympathy. I have faith that someday my kiddos will learn to use the potty, but not any time soon. Since I can’t talk with the oldest yet, and the second has chronic diarrhea, potty training is nowhere on the horizon. But it would be really nice to stop spending all my money on diapers.
Comment #16 by VadaNovember 17th, 2008 at 1:45 pmI’d try using cloth diapers or cloth training pants at least part of the day so that she can start to connect feeling wet with what’s going on–it might help! Save the disposables for when you take her out of the house and for bedtime, but use cloth the rest of the time! (I feel your pain…)
Comment #17 by MichelleNovember 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pmI have 3 girls. no.1 was 3yrs 1mo. old, no.2 was 1mo. shy of 3 and no.3 was 2 and a half. I learned with the 1st not to push the issue too hard. We started at 18 mo. because I was told by many that was when you should start! I totally know better now. She will probably just decide one day to do it and then do it. Just keep talking about it often and talk about how fun it is and wouldn’t it be great to be a big girl.
Comment #18 by CassiBNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:02 pmIt’s not worth it to stress. Good luck.
My MIL potty trained my first because I was working. #2 didn’t completely understand until after 4. Same with #3. #4 sometimes asks to go potty (2 1/2), and half the time it works, but I’m waiting a while. Not worth the stress to have a power struggle over crap. Know what you mean about the diapers. So Sorry.
Comment #19 by mormonhermitmomNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:10 pmMy youngest daughter was just potty trained. She was three and putting poop in the potty was our hardest thing too. I waited till she was three to even begin and I had her in pull-ups so I didn’t have to do the clean the poop out of underwear in the toilet situation. I hate cleaning out the underwear. It helped for the poop, but she soon reverted back to just using the pull-ups to pee too so I took them away and it clicked, she was around 39 months though.
I don’t know what to say but to wait, ’cause it ain’t no cookie, and I definitely wouldn’t want to find those crumbs on the floor or in her room.
Comment #20 by LaceyNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:17 pmEvery time I wipe Josh’s large 2 1/2 year old butt after Ainsley’s itty bitty baby bum, I just think “this is not right”. He’s 3 in Feb, and we’ve been working on it. With no luck at all. But with lots and lots of cleaning products.
Comment #21 by Julie PNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pmI have 4 kids, my oldest girl self trained at 23 months, my son at 3 and 1/2, my other 2 girls about 2 and 1/2. The common denominator? I used cloth diapers, and then cloth training pants. They were wet and cold and uncomfortable. Pull ups (imho) are pointless, except for early stages, and at night time. Where is the incentive for potty training if you are unable to feel the wet and discomfort? That’s just my opinion. I did work in day care for a number of years primarily with 2 year olds and that was also the pattern I saw then.
Comment #22 by pollyNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:24 pmIn any case good luck, still a messy job ahead.
Polly, I agree on the pull-ups, and have not used them on any of my children.
Glad I was able to provide a laugh to so many of you!
No, she really thought it WAS a cookie. *sigh*
Comment #23 by Tracy MNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:48 pmI know that it’s not funny when you’re dealing w/ it but I have to admit to sympathy chuckles when reading this & a few of the comments. And not to scare you but I Did know a kindergartner who wasn’t potty trained. Mom worked too far from the school so Dad would come & change the diaps. That being said it was because the Parents didn’t train the child. He was more than ready around 3 1/2 but they didn’t want him to grow up. He even still drank a bottle @ night.
I would also suggest the cloth diaper/underwear route. My kids were (looking back) pretty easy to train. My Hubby worked w/ our son who wanted to stand like Daddy & our daughter didn’t like the wet during the day. Night? Different story w/ the girl. Didn’t have one dry diaper @ night (not lots of wet but definitely wet) until about the age of 4. Because it was only night I continued to use pampers! But my mom swears that all 5 of us were trained by 20 months because of the cloth diapers.
I wish you luck by the case load. It’s still pretty stressful when you have to wash/change & you’re ready to be done!
Comment #24 by Sues2u2November 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pmI am absolutely dreading training my next child (who turns 2 at the end of the month). My first just finally learned to consistently poop in the potty over the summer at almost five years old. Because she always tried to hold the poop in she would have wet accidents all the time as well.
She almost went to kindergarten not trained - it seriously happened two weeks before. She still occasionally has potty accidents (every three weeks or so) and I have to encourage her to poop daily or she’ll just hold it. It was an absolute nightmare for me.
After she turned 4, I just stopped asking friends for advice because it was too embarassing - all of their kids her age had been trained for ages. I don’t think any of them have a clue that she wasn’t trained until three months ago.
My parents and in-laws would offer advice here and there as if I hadn’t tried everything! Sorry I have no suggestions, since obviously I wasn’t so good at the whole process, and I don’t mean to scare you , I just had to vent.
Comment #25 by KarlaNovember 17th, 2008 at 2:59 pmGive up.
Don’t try again until she’s 3.
My boy was the same way, he didn’t care, he’d pee and move along. She’s obviously not ready, so instead of going through extraordinary measures, just wait until she is.
Comment #26 by AzucarNovember 17th, 2008 at 3:12 pmI tried potty training my daughter at about the time she turned 2. I’d take her to the bathroom every two hours or so and just let her sit on the potty for a few minutes. But she got tired of that game after a while. I didn’t want to put up with the fighting and I’m not a big fan of cloth diapers (bad memories of my youngest sister), so I let it go. The thing was, she understood the concept; she just wasn’t interested.
When she was getting close to 3, I bought training pants and plastic covers. We had about a week of occasional accidents, and then she was done. She’s now 6, and I can count on two hands the number of accidents she’s had. And I can’t recall a wet bed ever.
My son is now 2.5, and he’s barely starting to recognize when he’s poopy. We only know that because he’ll suddenly stop and then say, “My diaper is fine.” Potty training him may be eventful.
Comment #27 by LauraNovember 17th, 2008 at 3:22 pmDS was 3.5 before he even recognized his body’s need to urinate. From then until age 5 he still didn’t have much notice, or holding power. Now at age 10, he has about 5 minutes tops. We were building a house at the time and he mostly peed in the woods, like Dad. For pooping, he was aware by 4 and just lazy after that. I had him in undies and he never peed them, just left piles and kept on playing. I finally made him wash them out in the tub. It only took two washings and he decided that it took less time away from playing to actually do the deed in the toilet than washing out his undies. I would also occaionally find little poops outside on the property from when he was too lazy to come in until he was about 6.5. My niece was 5 when she was finally trained. She just had no interest in stopping what she was doing long enough to go to the toilet. She hated being wet and wore cloth undies, but took forever to get trained.
Comment #28 by JCNovember 17th, 2008 at 3:42 pmBest of luck.
We’re currently working with our 47 month old (she turns 4 next month) and she FINALLY started pooping on the potty last week. She had peeing down about 6 months ago, but we took a break and went back to diapers when there was no progress in the poop department after a couple of months. We tried training her when she was 2 1/2, but that only last for a couple of weeks since she wasn’t making any progress– she just didn’t get the concept. She’s a stubborn thing that doesn’t like change and wants to be treated like a baby. She understands that drinking makes her pee and eating makes her poop, but she just didn’t want to poop in the potty. She was finally motivated enough by a toy castle that she chose as her reward- it was sitting on top of our fridge where she could see it and remember that she could play with it IF she pooped on the potty! Now she takes herself to the bathroom all the time when we are home. It’s a different story when we are out and about.
I’m hoping my 2nd daughter will be easier…
Comment #29 by ErikaNovember 17th, 2008 at 3:43 pmWhen our darling daughter was making cookies in the bathtub at age 2 1/2 we cured her of it by giving her a cold shower each time she did it, that ended the bath cookies. Mind you our little darling was leaving cookies on purpose so she could play with them, ya not so yummy cookies.
That didn’t get her potty trained (that was us bribing her to take her to monsters inc on ice) but it stopped the bath cookies dead in there tracks.
Comment #30 by SarahNovember 17th, 2008 at 4:35 pmNo words of wisdom (because I have 0 kiddos), but I do have a funny nephew with a funny story.
My whole family was gathered at my parents’ home when we noticed my nephew hunkering down behind the piano. (He had recently begun potty training and knew he was supposed to go to the potty) He was quickly spotted and taken to the bathroom by my mom. When he got done going #2 in the potty, my mom yelled in excitement “HOT DOG!”
Now, every time he goes #2 in the potty, he points at his creation and yells in excitement: “Hot Dog!”
Comment #31 by ClareNovember 17th, 2008 at 4:39 pmWait for a few months, then try it again. With my first daughter, I kept trying and trying, then gave up and tried again three months before she was three, and she got it almost instantly. With my second and third, I waited till they were almost three and they both potty trained in like, two days, I’m not even kidding.
They’re either ready or they aren’t. BOO. THEY SHOULD BE READY WHEN WE SAY THEY SHOULD BE READY. ;>
Comment #32 by SueNovember 17th, 2008 at 5:36 pmI’d also suggest cloth. I’ve bought all mine new, but I hear tell you can get great deals on eBay. That’ll at least keep you from having to buy diaper after diaper just to throw them away, and you could probably sell them again after and recoup some of the costs unless you’re planning on having more kids.
Comment #33 by FirebyrdNovember 17th, 2008 at 6:04 pmI wasn’t going to start Lu till she was three. Exactly one month after she turned two she told me “I go on the potty now” and she DID. Almost no effort on my part. Don’t worry, Cubby made me earn it (he was 4!!!). What I leanrned what when they are ready they pretty much do it themselves. Currently Norah wasn’t to go on the potty and tries to all the time, but it isn’t really possible right now (both b/c of her motor skills — lacking — and the schedule. Maybe I can have her talk to Abby!).
It is so frustrating when the kids just don’t get it…. and there is something about having to buy the bigger diapers…… sigh.
Comment #34 by bekNovember 17th, 2008 at 7:06 pmI’m surprised no one has mentioned my method–graphic potty cartoons! My daughter was 2 1/2 and tooned out at the very mention of the potty. I saw a potty training movie at the local library and checked it out. It was all about a little girl named “Prudence” who learned all about her body parts and their functions (it even showed them in animation). (There was also a version for boys.) The entire process was talked through on my daughter’s level and she sat there wide-eyed, watching it about 8 times in a row. I wasn’t shocked when soon after she asked to sit on the potty. She was trained in a week. Bless the local library…
Comment #35 by MegsNovember 17th, 2008 at 7:24 pmI have a ton of cloth diapers, and used them on my boys. I got lazy later on. The problem, and I’m not kidding, is she’s too big to pin them, and the Bummies wraps don’t fit either- I’m sure if I really wanted to, and I may, I can come up with a solution. I grow gigantic children. What can I say?
Comment #36 by Tracy MNovember 17th, 2008 at 7:28 pmThere must be pullups in her size, right? Or, gulp, “adult” diapers?
Comment #37 by ENovember 17th, 2008 at 7:46 pmThanks for that idea, Megs! My oldest is completely uninterested (and he doesn’t understand the concept of bribery). I’m not ready to force the issue, but I would like him to be more aware and/or interested. I never thought of trying a video, but I bet it would help.
Comment #38 by VadaNovember 17th, 2008 at 8:04 pmE, I will, so help me, clean up poop cookies all over my house before I buy adult diapers!
Comment #39 by Tracy MNovember 17th, 2008 at 8:30 pmThat video is called “Once Upon a Potty” if I’m not mistaken.
Comment #40 by The WizNovember 17th, 2008 at 9:10 pmMy son also liked a really obnoxious video about going potty. It didn’t really work to get him trained though.
This whole conversation gives a new meaning to “making cookies.”
Tracy, I don’t have any advice for you unless you live where it is very warm in the winter months. And if you do, my advice is to let her run around naked in the backyard all day long, going where and when she needs to. Then have her clean up her business and talk with her about what is going on. She’ll go from realizing: I *went* potty, to I’m *going* potty, to I *need to go* potty in a little while. That was the only way I could train my little girl. But…if you can’t let her run around naked, then I say go with the adult diapers. (Just kidding!!) Maybe training underwear covered with come type of swimsuit bottom???
Comment #41 by mellocelloNovember 17th, 2008 at 9:14 pmYes, I do believe it was “Once Upon a Potty”, and it was quite entertaining for my husband and I as well. Hilarious songs and discussions:)
Comment #42 by MegsNovember 17th, 2008 at 9:28 pmI have lots of sympathy and not much advice for you. I will say that we prefer to think of our motivational efforts (attempts?!) as rewards not bribery.
I have 6 kids. What worked for one didn’t work for another. Some were easier to potty train; others more difficult. One was an agonizing 4.5 years old. My youngest is now 6 and still has the occasional accident overnight, although that is continually getting easier for her to control.
IMO, potty training is the worst part of parenting!! Okay, I realize there really ARE worse things. (But not many…) I am so glad I will never have to go through this again.
Tracy, I’d try to be patient. Grimace as you buy those large diapers for a while longer. Talk about it positively, but don’t push her. She just doesn’t seem ready. Good luck!
Comment #43 by Michelle AMNovember 17th, 2008 at 10:28 pmfirst thing i want to say is that I have never potty trained a child, but I do know from my nursing school courses (random stuff pops up everywhere) that kids are not ready until at least 18 months, as their spinal cords literally are not myelinated (err… yeah just read the point) until at least then. I’d imagine that in a big child, it may take even longer for that to happen. I bet she has no idea, honestly, as her nerves just don’t feel that sensation yet in order to send a signal to her brain. I totally plan on letting my child wait, but to save the money, try larger cloth diapers. read up on which ones are best for bigger kids first, I think there are a few good choices. It’s not as gross as you think.
Comment #44 by rebekahNovember 18th, 2008 at 5:34 amOne of my children completed potty training fairly early. The cutest thing about it was that he made the comment once that maybe the dogs and the trucks will be able to use the toilet when they are older. With the next child, who happened to be a daughter, we tried to push her to finish potty training once it seemed that she had made most of the transition under her own choice. When she rebelled against the transformation of potty training into an important parental expectation, we stupidly persisted in trying to make it happen, and the result was a long and unpleasant experience with potty training. For the next child, it seemed that potty training started later, ended earlier, and was less unpleasant, because we tried to minimize parental pressure. Of course, the differences may have all been the luck of the draw.
Comment #45 by Steve SNovember 18th, 2008 at 8:41 amI had the same problem with my daughter. She refused to recognise that she needed to go potty. I finally told that I was not buying diapers or pull ups any more and that she would just have to go in the potty. That did not work, she found a corner in her room to go in, so I told her that any clothes that she peed or pooped in would be taken away. Three days later the accidents stopped and she was going in the toilet every time!
Comment #46 by NicoleNovember 18th, 2008 at 9:18 amUh. And here we are celebrating that our four year old is finally able to poop in a diaper instead of a bag.
Although he only weighs 25 pounds so he looks two.
And that is good enough for me.
I’ve never been more excited to change diapers. It feels like such a blessing.
Okay. I’ll walk away now. hee,hee
Comment #47 by Tammy and ParkerNovember 18th, 2008 at 12:47 pmCongrats Tammy. We are so happy for you and Parker. I don’t know if he’s happy about it yet, but just not having a bag stuck to him all the time, has got to be nice.
Some day you might get bath cookies too.
Comment #48 by SarahNovember 18th, 2008 at 11:08 pm