By The Wiz
Do NOT tell your kids about Santa. Ever. Because it’s possible your 5 year old son will figure out how to get onto the roof and look for your chimney. He just wants to ascertain the size, to make sure Santa and a BIG bag of loot can fit in. It’s possible you will find this out because of your next door neighbors. (ht:wbpraw)
Do NOT get caught up on your laundry. Folded and put away clothing will be your despair when you realize your 5 year old son (what IS it with that age?) has locked himself out of his room and you can’t get in, because you lack breaking and entering skillz. You will be forced to deal with the dilemma: send him to school in what he wore yesterday (and slept in)? Or keep him home so the teacher won’t get all judgey and start a file on you? (Yes, he often sleeps in his clothes. I so don’t care - not picking that battle.)
Do NOT get library books and give them to your kids to read. Even with your highly technical system of: library books go HERE, please put them HERE, you will end up paying for that book, not to mention late fees.
Do NOT join a gym and try to exercise. The universe will mock you, and it knows when you want to go in. You will end up with a fevered child on one of those days, only to be faced with a dog that suddenly had a seizure the next day. You will spend those days at various doctor’s offices, realizing that THIS is why people don’t exercise. Satan doesn’t want them to.
Do NOT try to figure out why your house smells bad. Just light a candle and deal with it. Otherwise your husband will mock you as you walk around with your nose sniffing things like a search and rescue dog. (Your husband might not have as strong a sense of smell as you do, and thus thinks you are delusional).
Do NOT Google any symptom, ever. Just trust me on this one.
So, how was your week?
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