We have fungus.

Remember the termites? Well, the same I LOVE MY JOB bug guy came back to check our crawl space, and came out with bad news. Again. Fungus, growing on our wood, infesting it to the point where the wood is seriously weakened, giving me visions of standing in my kitchen one moment, then waist deep in mud the next as the floor crashes out from underneath me.

I was smarter this time, though, and sent DH under there with a digital camera, so I could see for myself. Because again, even though I have braved 3 MRIs in my life, and could possibly last long enough under the crawl space to snap a few photos before I would start screaming, MRIs don’t include spiders crawling up your pants.

Sadly, DH’s pictures confirmed what SUPER DUPER I LOVE THIS STUFF bug guy had said.

So there goes our tax return.

Stupid bugs. Stupid fungus. Stupid humidity. Stupid universe.

But on the good news front, I got into the cleaning zone and completely cleaned out all of my bathroom cupboards, a favorite place for unidentified crap to accumulate. The crap became overwhelming, to the “I can’t believe we’re living with all this crap” point, so I rolled up my sleeves and did a purging that would make Fly Lady proud.

I found 12 sticks of deodorant.

At least we won’t be stinky while we pay bug people to rid our home of spores.

Speaking of stinky, I tried a new conditioner this week. It’s from Costco, and I bought it because I had a $2.00 coupon, or something like that. It’s the Fructus (or whatever) brand, and y’all know Costco. You can only buy one size–big–so I bit the bullet and bought it, coupon in hand. I had high hopes though. I mean, the conditioner comes in a bright green bottle, it has all kinds of swirly colors on it, and the name is vaguely unpronouncable. This stuff’s gotta be good.

So, the other day, I got it out, put it in my hair, and screamed.

Okay, you know how you sometimes have these flashes of memory of when you were a kid, a memory that is triggered by a certain smell? When I was a kid, I took a summer class at the zoo, where we got to go behind the scenes with the animals, and we all had to pick one animal to follow all summer. I picked the orangatans, because they’re so cool looking, and so smart. I spent a lot of time that summer in the orangatan’s pen.

This conditioner brought me right back. Man, that stuff is GROSS.

And who tests this stuff, anyway? Was somebody absent that day? How on earth did conditioner that smells like a zoo animal get by quality control?

But because it’s from Costco, I have like 3,000 more washes before I run out. And now that all my money is going towards getting rid of fungus, I can’t very well just chuck 42 ounces of conditioner down the drain, can I? It seems…I dunno…un-American. So I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and have hair with essence of Stinky the Orangatan for the next few months.

Good thing I have lots of deodorant to mask the smell.