By Heather O.
There’s a post over at M* that I think is weird. It just is. There’s a lot of weird stuff out there, but this comes from people that I thought were sort of rational. Ok, maybe that’s stretching it, but still, I think the whole post is weird. It’s about kids, and how many is too many. Huh? So, I posted a small little thought about how I thought this was an inappropriate topic, especially for people who are not in control of the baby situation at all. And, of course, I got slammed for being oversensitive, and some pretty seriously nasty stuff was said about how dare anybody even take their families outside, for fear of offending people who can’t have kids, or even how dare we all write things, because we could even offend people who can’t write! Oh, the HORROR!
I responded, I think, in a very controlled way .
But I think the topic of being oversensitive or insensitive calls for a little discussion. After all, haven’t we all been called oversensitive at one time or another?
Ok, when you are pregnant, you can not in any way hide that fact from a person who is struggling with infertility. That can be a sensitive and tricky situation. But I have a friend who is currently pregnant, and we get to talk and laugh about all the pregnancy stuff, and I feel no prickling of anger, jealousy, or anything else around her. She is fun to be with, mostly because she is my friend, and I feel great about her pregnancy and pending joy. I wholeheartedly wish her tons of it.
Yet there is another woman I know who is pregnant, and she drives me so crazy to the point where I can’t even talk to her. She has told me to “get busy” having babies, and wonders why we don’t have more kids. I have had a woman tell me that she wondered if I was putting off having more kids because of my career (yeah, like the 8-10 hours a week I am working is just going to ROCKET me to the top!), and I get prickly a little bit with her, too. I have one woman who tells me that her 4 kids are just a handful, that if I ever want more kids I should just come over the HER house and I would be cured of that need immediately. When she says that, I just want to punch her in the face.
Hmm… would that be considered oversensitive?
Ok, maybe a little, but I guess my point is that it is not situations that are insensitive, or topics that are insensitive, it is people. People can be just jerks about stuff, and I get annoyed when I think somebody is being a jerk, especially about something that is painful for me. And then they tell me that I’m just being oversensitive, that I just have to deal with my pain because it’s not up to them to make allowances for a painful private situation.
Maybe not, but a few allowances probably couldn’t hurt.
I mean, after all, I don’t pretend I can’t walk or talk, but I don’t ask my disabled friends how many marathons would be too many.
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