By Heather O.
It’s been an eventful week. Ok, it’s only Tuesday, but still, I’d like to share with all of you, dear readers, what I have learned this week.
ON FOOD, ESPECIALLY GINGERBREAD
Little boys like building gingerbread houses. It takes about a day and a half for them to build one from scratch.
Little dogs like to eat gingerbread houses. It takes about 10 minutes for them to eat one built from scratch.
Little dogs can vomit a shockingly enourmous amount of gingerbread tainted puke.
Only the best of men, and I mean the VERY best of men, will clean up canine emesis while their wives huddle under the covers, shaking at the vision of the vomit encursted horror that resembles their (yes, carpeted!) upstairs hallway.
Lesson to be learned: How much does it cost to rent a carpet cleaner?
When applied by a 3 year old, the contents of a caramel apple dipper sauce packet from McDonald’s can make a little dog’s back very, very sticky.
A wet scrub brush with shampoo on it will not clean off the contents of a caramel apple dipper sauce packet from McDonald’s from a little dog’s back.
Our bathtub can fit 1 naked 3 year old, one panicked dog, and a fully dressed but very wet mother.
Panicked dogs like to try to escape. They also pant a lot.
Lesson to be learned: How does one clean wet dog hair off of the wall?
MORE ON HYGIENE, THIS TIME TOWARDS THE NETHER REGION
Little boys think walking around with poopy bits of toilet paper trailing from their still poopy bums is very, very funny.
Little dogs like to eat poopy toilet paper, and lick poopy 3 year old bums. Little boys also think this is very, very, funny.
It is very hard to crate a dog when he is trying to go after a poopy piece of toilet paper while the 3 year old, laughing like a maniac, is shaking his naked poopy bum in the dog’s face.
Little dogs will search the bathroom for poopy toilet paper after you let them out of their crates, and, finding none, will settle for eating the gingerbread vomit encrusted paper towels he finds in the kitchen trash can.
Lesson to be learned: What is the best method for bribing DH to come home early to help clean up 3 year old poop after he spent the morning cleaning up dog vomit?
ON ANIMALS IN GENERAL
Snakes make very good pets.
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