By Heather O.
Today I was out running errands, and I got stuck behind a station wagon. And I’m not talking about some new sleek cool station wagon. I’m talking about a station wagon that looks like it barely lived through the 70s, wood paneling and all. Seriously old school.
This station wagon had a bumper sticker on it that said, “My beagle is smarter than your honor student.” Well, I’ve already discussed how I feel about bumper stickers in general, and maybe it was because it was just before lunch, but seeing that bumper sticker really turned my snark on.
Oh great, I thought, another person who anthropomorphizes dogs, or hates kids. What a lame bumper sticker. And beagles may be smart, but why would you want one as a pet? They’d bay at you every time you left the house.
We stopped at a light, and then I noticed a furry kind of head in the front seat. At first I thought it was the aforementioned beagle of brillance, but then I realized it was a humanoid.
Wait, I thought, is that a kid? Oh my gosh, this lady has a kid in the front seat. Look, it’s a little kid who can’t possibly be old enough to sit up front. He looks like he’s just a tiny guy! Heck, he’s craning his little head just to see over the dash! And that old car is practically a death trap, and there’s a little kid in the front seat? Holy COW that’s dangerous!
And my thoughts grew darker and darker as we both turned into the strip mall parking lot. I was able to turn, though, and I took the opportunity to take a good long look at the kid in the front seat as I passed the car.
The “kid” was at least 80. Perhaps older. Poor woman was so small that indeed, she couldn’t even see over the dash.
So, take note, mothers. The next time you are tempted to call protective services on another mother, make sure the person they are taking care of is not a member of the AARP.
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