By Melissa Mc
I hate having to teach a lesson where I am failing so miserably at the doctrine being taught.
Today it was making your home a Temple, from the May Conference talk by Elder Gary Stevenson, Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples.
He asks us to take a “virtual tour” of our home to see if it compares to the Temple – let’s take a peek behind Melissa Mc’s door, shall we?
Is it a place of love, peace, and refuge from the world, as is the temple? No, it is a place where children are fighting and mother coming unglued and everyone running for the doors.
Is it clean and orderly? No, it is a place with several loads of laundry sitting in baskets waiting to be put away, and several layers of dust on every horizontal surface (and if dust can settle on a vertical surface, it’s there too); and Barbie dolls in a state of half dress under her daughter’s bed, and hundreds of matchbox cars in every corner.
Do you see uplifting images which include appropriate pictures of the temple and the Savior? Well, I see lots of pictures, and one is a James Christiansen, but it’s of Shakespeare and his many characters, but most are slightly askew, and I think they are dusty too.
Is your bedroom or sleeping area a place for personal prayer? My bedroom is barely a place of 6 hours sleep and an occasional meeting with my husband…not much else goes on there.
Is your gathering area or kitchen a place where food is prepared and enjoyed together, allowing uplifting conversation and family time? Food is prepared here, but the children are mostly complaining about what has been cooked and how they don’t like it and how they wished they were eating rocks instead of what I fixed.
Are scriptures found in a room where the family can study, pray, and learn together? The scriptures are usually found under months of old magazines. But I learned today, that a lot of sisters keep theirs in their bathroom, because that’s the only place they get any time alone. May have to try that.
Can you find your personal gospel study space? If I could travel to Mars, possibly.
Does the music you hear or the entertainment you see, online or otherwise, offend the Spirit? Does The Disney Channel or Radio Disney count?
Is the conversation uplifting and without contention? I’m almost positive that whatever I say, does not count as uplifting or without contention.
Finally, he adds: That concludes our tour. Perhaps you, as I, found a few spots that need some “home improvement”—hopefully not an “extreme home makeover.”
I need to call Ty Pennington to see if there is anything he can do about my home’s abysmal state, but something tells me, he is busy with other projects.




Personal gospel study space? I can barely be in the bathroom for 4.5 seconds before someone is pounding on the door, let alone try to study the gospel. My kitchen is a place where children weep when a vegetable is placed before them, where we wipe dirty hands on our shirts, and where Goldfish and Cheerios are crunched under our feet. My bedroom is where unfinished projects go to die and where toys get put in timeout.
Comment #1 by Mayoress of crazytownAugust 23rd, 2009 at 6:40 pmIs it clean and orderly? Umm, not even close. I live here with 4 little people whose sole purpose in life is to undo everything I do.
Is it a place of peace? Yeah…at about 10 p.m. when everyone is snoring away and before sleepwalking has begun.
Apparently, you are not the only one to flunk this test. Want to play, “Whose Kitchen Is Dirtier?” next?
Oh honey, how I hear you!
Comment #2 by Tracy MAugust 23rd, 2009 at 6:40 pmI HATE those kinds of lessons. Not the ones you teach, I mean the kinds of lessons where no matter who you are or what you are doing, you are going to be found wanting. Who designs such a stupid quiz/questionaire anyways? Nobody is going to live up to that.
It’s so much more productive to have something where questions are like this:
Are your children in a home where they feel loved and secure?
Are there salient moments in their lives when they can feel the Holy Ghost? Doesn’t have to be all the time, just has to be at least now and then.
Are your children learning by example how to pray?
Are your children learning by example what a stable marriage looks like, and do they see you apologize to and forgive your spouse?
Is there gospel learning going on? Keep in mind that an FHE lesson where Stitch is the main character is STILL gospel learning.
The music question is okay, I guess. I think good music is important, and that’s an easy one.
But I think so often we miss the mark in building up mormon mothers, and the important, real, make a difference things that we do everyday get lost in stupid and demoralizing quizzes like this.
And I know for fact that your house is cleaner than mine.
Comment #3 by Heather O.August 23rd, 2009 at 7:23 pmPersonally, my home is an orderly, beautiful heaven of delight, full of helpful, kind, obedient children.
Comment #4 by EAugust 23rd, 2009 at 7:53 pmI wanted to bark when I read this article, Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples. What an unrealistic portrayal of what a home should be. It sounds unlived in. I think it sets up unrealistic expectations that we feel guilty about not achieving. And of course, was written by a man. lol
Comment #5 by CDAugust 23rd, 2009 at 8:46 pmcorrection, I wanted to barf, not bark.
Comment #6 by CDAugust 23rd, 2009 at 8:47 pmYeah, but those are the ones where we tend to learn the most. That said…as someone who found himself at age 33 with nine (9) kids (hers and mine), I understand all the resentment towards this talk, particularly when it was given by a _man_. I know the impact talks and articles like this had for years on my wife, viz., frustration, feelings of inadequacy, and so on.
On the other hand, I have spent my whole life hearing talks about all the things I should be doing as a husband, a father, a priesthood holder, and a member of the Church, and I can tell you all the ways I have fallen short, how it pains me to know what a better father I could (and should) have been, all the things I know look back and wonder why I didn’t do a better job on. And I do my best to gently encourage my sons and step-sons to focus on what’s really important.
The shoe fits on either foot. ..bruce..
Comment #7 by bfwebsterAugust 23rd, 2009 at 9:09 pmHmmm. Definitely “The Best of Both Worlds” could be related to the celestial kingdom and earth life…right? I take the Mary and Martha approach to life…I try to have enough “Martha” to keep it all together and enough “Mary” to keep it real. If Jesus were to pay me a visit, I don’t think he would be worried about what my house looks like.
Comment #8 by KatieAugust 23rd, 2009 at 9:18 pmglad you clarified, CD. I was wondering about the barking.
Comment #9 by The WizAugust 23rd, 2009 at 9:29 pmok, sorry but if there are children in the home it is NOT going to go by all of those guidlines EVER. maybe for grandparents (with kids visiting for a short time), but not for parents. Unrealistic expectations. No wonder so many suffer with not feeling like they are enough.
Comment #10 by AprilliumAugust 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 pmMay I say, though, that for me, this issue has gotten easier as the kids have gotten older. I may eat my words when I have teenagers, but right now, with all of them in elementary school, even with 1/2 day kinder, it’s better.
Comment #11 by The WizAugust 23rd, 2009 at 9:45 pmI can’t live anywhere loud laughter is frowned upon…
Comment #12 by Tracy MAugust 23rd, 2009 at 10:25 pmWonder what his wife said when he got home after giving that talk?
Comment #13 by mormonhermitmomAugust 23rd, 2009 at 10:37 pmAs someone who tends to project perfection on everyone else’s lives and saves all the criticism for her own, this is a wonderfully humorous and timely reminder. Sometimes I forget that I belong to a church of sinners - I really do. Thank you for sharing Melissa and thank you Heather for your questions too.
p.s. I hope the Holy Ghost isn’t too offended by Yo Gabba Gabba. Does weird count as uplifting?
Comment #14 by ZinkaAugust 24th, 2009 at 12:23 amI am not LDS anymore, but my loving, sweet mother still mails me her Ensign every month when she is done with it. When I read this article, your blog and all of the comments from over worked tired but loving mothers, I thought “how do I compare?” Just because I’m not LDS (still very religious! Yes ladies, you can still be religious in another religion!) Doesn’t mean I can’t take some of the aspects and help my life be better. That is all it is. Guide lines to be better. God asks us to be perfect. PERFECT! No degree of error! He cannot tolerate the LEAST AMOUNT OF SIN! And believe me, I AM a sinner. I have yelled at my daughter. I have sworn when I stubbed my toe, been angry when I burnt dinner and left my house a mess because I wanted to be lazy. God cannot dwell in a home like that. And He could not dwell with me.
Comment #15 by NaomiAugust 24th, 2009 at 8:33 amThat is why what Jesus did is SO powerful! As long as we are trying for that perfection, as long as we are doing our best (which believe me is not often enough for me!) Jesus will be the guide, and the protector so that God may enter our home no matter the state of it and Jesus will say, “blame me, take it out on me whatever problems are in this home, whatever dirt, bad words, discontent or maliciousness is in this home, it’s all on me now”
Oh how sad that makes me feel that Jesus is getting blamed for my messy home! But how grateful it makes me feel too!
Zinka: Just to make it even more confusing, Yo Gabba Gabba was created by some LDS guys.
Comment #16 by Susan MAugust 24th, 2009 at 8:48 amI think I would try serving my kids a bowl of rocks one night to see if they would eat it.
Personally, I keep my Ensigns in the bathroom and over the course of a week I manage to get one article read. And I only have 1 kid!
Since I just flunked this quiz, I’d better go do some laundry…
Comment #17 by Lindsay1138August 24th, 2009 at 9:07 amReally? Some LDS guys created that wacky show? Wow.
Naomi, thank you for reminding me too that the Atonement is the greatest gift ever. I forgot to mention in my peculiar myopia of thinking I’m the “only” sinner in Mormondom, I truly appreciate and acknowledge it’s because of His Atonement we can all be saved. It’s a horrible kind of pride to get wrapped up in one’s sins and not turn them over to the Lord. I know. Thank you for the reminder that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Comment #18 by ZinkaAugust 24th, 2009 at 9:13 amNaomi and Zinka: Thank you both!
Comment #19 by Melissa McAugust 24th, 2009 at 9:57 amOur homes metophorically should be temples, places where God is welcome. Literally making our home a temple is laughable.
Every now and then as I’m sitting in the temple I imagine my children living there. It’s all I can do to keep from laughing aloud. That carpet wouldn’t last a week. I doubt it the lovely couches last a month. I can almost hear them shouting until the chandeliers began to quake.
I WISH I had a team of volunteer cleaners from each ward in the region show up every night at nine to buff up everything in my home to perfect cleanliness. It would also be cool to have my home closed for two weeks twice a year for deep-cleaning.
Comment #20 by JamiAugust 24th, 2009 at 10:51 amFunny, I loved that talk. Not because my home is a perfect oasis of calm and order (I have five kids, who are we kidding here) but in part because it gave me something aspirational–in a nuts and bolts kind of way (because I deseperatly want home to be the same kind of peace as the temple)–and partly because it made me think I could carve out small corners of calm and peace at a time. I used to believe that I couldn’t read my scriptures unless I could be assured at least 30-60 minutes of uninterupted meditation and study time, like the missionary days of old. So I went for many years with frustratingly meager access to scriptures. But I’ve lately been trying to just carve out 5 minutes at a time–even if it means I hide from my children or I read in the carpool line at the elementary school. It’s working. And often, I can stretch the 5 minutes to more when no one is killing anyone else. For me, the difference has been changing my outlook–making talks like these less sticks with which to beat myself and more stars by which to guide my choices.
It has made my relationship with my Savior more of a working one and one in which I can feel the healing peace of His Atonement as a daily balm and let it grow and refine me bit by bit. It has also most definitely helped to lessen the dead-empty-can’t-even-keep-my-head-above- water feeling I was operating under before. But, had I heard that talk even 1 month earlier, I would have been on the same train Melissa Mc was. Funny the difference a few days makes!
Comment #21 by angie fAugust 24th, 2009 at 10:53 amI have been made aware, quite powerfully, twice this week (oh, make that *3* times now) that I really need to work on this in my life. I was reading through my patriarchal blessing a couple days ago and again yesterday morning, and was struck by a line in it: “With your Christlike love and attributes, your home should be a place of heavenly atmosphere and bliss.” I’d always read that to go something like, ‘because I’m so Christlike, my home will be wonderful…’(Yeah me!)…until yesterday morning, when I realized it said that my home *should* be a place of heavenly atmosphere and bliss. In other words, I *should* be working on that, and with the qualities I have, it will be attainable. Then I got a priesthood blessing yesterday after church (thanks, Segullah), and in it, too, I was admonished to get my house in order to protect my family from the workings of Satan and to help them be strong in their testimonies and in this world. And now this post this morning. Clearly, the Lord is trying to get through to me to make this a priority in my life NOW.
I’ve often wanted to ponder on the “If Jesus was coming to my house” question, but haven’t ever gotten to sit and think about it very long at a time, but something I have decided about all of that is that it’d be best for me if I didn’t have advance notice of his arrival (I know what kind of a monster I turn in to when I’m getting the house ready for a visit from my mom), so I wouldn’t want the pressure of having everything perfect, but I *would* want it to not be totally embarrassing and distracting and chaotic. I need to come to a better “we live here, but we also want the spirit here” kind of compromise. Too clean=cranky, edgy, anxious not-filled-with-the-Spirit Mom. Too messy/cluttered/busy = not-filled-with-the-Spirit Mom. I need to work more on finding that place in the middle.
Comment #22 by StrollerbladerAugust 24th, 2009 at 11:09 amWhen I go to someone else’s house and see toys scattered everywhere and crumbs on the kitchen floor and junk mail all over the table, I relax. Because it looks like my house and I don’t have to impress them.
It feels good to come home, and that matters to me more than the cleanliness does. I clean it up when it gets too dirty, but just kind of dirty doesn’t justify the work of cleaning.
That was a good post.
Comment #23 by Molly in the Jello BeltAugust 24th, 2009 at 12:49 pmFunny and right on.
Sigh. No temple here. Just a grumpy mom yelling at her kids on their last day of summer. Nice.
Comment #24 by KerriAugust 24th, 2009 at 1:49 pmA couple of months ago I had to speak in Sacrament Meeting about making our home a sanctuary from the world. I SO hear ya! Besides, we always compare our worst to everyone else’s best. I bet if you went looking for the things that you’re doing right, you’d find quite a few of those as well.
Comment #25 by Lady of Perpetual ChaosAugust 24th, 2009 at 1:58 pmsee, I wonder what our kids would say about our home. We look at it from the mother’s perspective, but maybe, just maybe the kids know that home is where they are loved, cherished, admired…
Now, mind you, I have yelled at my kids. My parents yelled at me, but by darn I knew that I was loved and in times of pain I wanted to go home and be with the family. So… all us ornery, dirty, non laundry doers with dust in every corner of the home… maybe we just have provided the best temple EVER!
Comment #26 by SunshineAugust 24th, 2009 at 2:24 pmWe just moved in…so I’ll just consider mine a temple in progress.
It’s getting there extremely slowly.
Comment #27 by SarahAugust 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pmFirst off, CD your bark mistake made me LOLAPMP (laugh out loud and pee my pants!)
My house is like a temple in some ways when my children are not home. But they get home and there is much contention. I don’t know how to stop that. I try to be calm and nice, but they don’t seem to follow my lead!
Comment #28 by Enjoy BirthAugust 24th, 2009 at 4:02 pmI know right, some of that may have to wait till the kids grow-up and move out. I’m working on it though…. 1 day @ a time.
Comment #29 by Liz SAugust 24th, 2009 at 5:08 pmI didn’t read through all the comments so maybe someone already offered this suggestion, but one thing that helped me cut through the guilt and through the clutter was flylady.net. If you’re really ready to make changes, she can give you a workable system that won’t wear you out flogging yourself for not being perfect. But if the point of the post is just commiseration, then sister, you’re not alone and most of us are there most of the time. It might help my house look more like a temple if there was a recommend desk and a changing room near the front door so we could cordone off all the nonessential stuff. But, unlike the temple, the school papers and the bicycles and the muddy boots and the library books and the bills and the groceries and the garbage pail and maybe even your Barbies and the Matchbox cars actually ARE essential to the ordinances going on under our roofs… which are, raising children and managing a multi-person household and being disciples, in the messy world.
Comment #30 by jeansAugust 24th, 2009 at 7:18 pmKeeping scriptures in the bathroom really does work. I read the entire BoM one year while I would brush my teeth. Mind you, I’m a dental hygienist, so I probably spend a little more time at it than most, but still. A little toothpaste splatter on a cheap blue copy doesn’t make it any less true.
Comment #31 by mitsyAugust 24th, 2009 at 9:21 pmJeans, I LOVE this:
Comment #32 by StrollerbladerAugust 24th, 2009 at 10:35 pm“But, unlike the temple, the school papers and the bicycles and the muddy boots and the library books and the bills and the groceries and the garbage pail and maybe even your Barbies and the Matchbox cars actually ARE essential to the ordinances going on under our roofs… which are, raising children and managing a multi-person household and being disciples, in the messy world. ”
BEAUTIFUL!!
I wonder if he ever took responsibility to make his home this way. When he saw the flaws in his home, did he feel it was *his* responsibility to fix them?
My daughter is about to have a bone marrow transplant. You should see the cleaning list they have given us. How many of you wash your walls and ceilings?? I will have to do that every week! And that’s just one item on the list. What frustrates me the most is the transplant doctors didn’t even know that there was a cleaning list! They’ve never actually cared for a transplant child so they have NO IDEA what it’s like and what we have to do let alone the emotional toll. These talks make me feel a little like I’m talking with the clueless doctors - you try doing it for awhile and then we’ll talk.
Comment #33 by SeekerAugust 25th, 2009 at 9:52 amOh, and strollerblader, I totally agree. Try teaching your child creativity and artistic expression on a white carpet! Doesn’t happen. Different purposes for the different temples.
Comment #34 by SeekerAugust 25th, 2009 at 9:53 amYou know, this really hit home with me. Sometimes I think I spend too much focusing on cleaning and not enough time actually raising my kids. So I’ve worked hard to change my balance. I don’t think anyone of us could live up to the standards of cleanliness in the temple. If we did, all we would do at home is clean and clean, never parent or live. And the temple isn’t really a place of living.
I had an interesting experience this last year. I was very ill in the beginning of February and March. So ill that I could hardly get out of bed. I had prioritize the most important things to do. So I made dinner, did dishes occasionally and made sure that I was coherent when my kids came home from school. I had structure in the late afternoon so that my kids could do their homework and prepare for the next day. I felt good about that. I didn’t clean, organize or anything. Since I was trying to recover from illness and then later, trying to stay pregnant (turns out I was pregnant while I was so sick) I just did my best. Then my awful landlord threw a huge fissy fit about the house not being clean enough to show so he could sell it. As we tried to resolve the situation, I realize my most important responsibility at this stage was to be a great mom to my kids, not the housekeeper so that my landlord could sell his house. I had chosen the better part.
We’ve since moved and I’m working on a feasible organization system that works. And I’m happy where I’m at. And if I fail the quiz, so be it. I’ll do my best to make my home a temple of a real family.
Comment #35 by TiffanyAugust 25th, 2009 at 2:05 pmThey guy who created Yo Gabba Gabba was LDS??? Really???
Methinks he ate one too many helpings of green jello sald with carrots! That show is just strange!
But I am with ya….”yeah Sistah!”
Comment #36 by seashellsAugust 25th, 2009 at 4:00 pmI spent two hours this morning cleaning my carpets, the water that came out was a dark turkish coffee brown (think black mud and you’d be about right). I have accomplished one thing. But that’s good. My kids will come home from school and maybe not even notice, and in a few weeks my carpets will need recleaning. I’ve decided to allow myself not to be perfect because I cannot live up to the expectations I have of myself.
Comment #37 by Natalie HAugust 27th, 2009 at 9:06 pmI totally failed the first quiz but I scored big points on Heather O’s one. Let’s make Heather write an article for the Ensign.
There is absolutely no way our homes can be as serene and clean as the temple! But the work we do in our homes can be exactly the same - loving, serving, teaching, learning, praying, worshiping. However, our homes are “in the world” so will be combined with worldly things - TV, computer, music, contention, loud (clean) laughter(!), frustration, anger, sorrow, etc. It’s what we learn from those things and how we find a balance for ourselves and our children that’s important. Does that make sense?
Comment #38 by Paula BakerAugust 28th, 2009 at 8:32 amSo timely……I had the lesson on Sunday. The Thursday before I was banging my head over the breakfast bar……the one with the rice crispies glued to the floor underneath. I realized I was sick of being angry that I could never keep anything clean….so I threw up my hands and took on a new motto,’A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.’ I ’shared’ this little uplifter durning the lesson on Sunday. Of course everyone laughed. I obviously keep cleaning so that we are not overcome by deathly piles of laundry and dishes, but I am letting things go a little. I don’t love the dust on EVERY horizontal surface that is not covered in coupons and picture books….but I love to kiss and cuddle and play more. So until I can figure out how to balance better I do the minimum and say………A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
Comment #39 by Amy MSeptember 1st, 2009 at 8:28 amI so needed to read this today! Thank you!!!! I failed the quiz too, but I’m still working myself to death and I think I have some pretty happy well-adjusted kiddos. I always tell myself, people LIVE in this house. Thank you for the additional questions Heather O. So true.
Comment #40 by MollySeptember 1st, 2009 at 10:20 pmI have found that for me and my family it is better to take moments to teach and pray with than trying to do everything all the time every day.
There are just some things that I do to make sure that we have a heavenly home. Like family dinners and family prayer and at breakfast I read a few verses of scripture to my kids while they eat.
In the meantime I clean the kitchen when by the end of the day, the laundry gets done when we have run out of underwear and the floor gets vaccummed when I remember to.
Comment #41 by EmilySeptember 3rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm