By Tracy M
Hey Mamas. I know a few of you keep up with me over at Dandelion- but more than a few do not. You’ve followed me on my motherhood journey through hellacious pregnancies, unmedicated birth, lactation woes, the pain of long-term unemployment and the uncertainty of my future- and wow, that’s a lot woes!- there has been some good mixed in, right? My Target tales always got a laugh? Remember when Elvis Cow peed in my car? Or when Beanie hid under the bed with a pound of butter? Ah, yes…
So now I embark on a new journey. Three weeks ago, on my birthday no less, I filed for divorce.
I’ll just let that hang in the air for a few…
That’s why I’ve been a little scarce around these parts. Life threw me a curve ball, and I had to get my batting helmet on. Or something like that- sports metaphors are good, but usually lost on me.
Meanwhile, my faith is solid, my kids are doing better than I first expected. I’m surprised at the weight that has lifted (I know, bizarre) from my shoulders since making this unexpected turn. I know I’m not the first LDS woman to find herself unexpectedly standing in this place. Like so many of us, I gave up my career when I became a mother. Now, I have to figure out how to be the mama, the life-raft for my kids, and make a living.
As I said at Dandelion:
There is a lot of personal pain that will remain just that- personal. This was not a step I took lightly or with anything but the most serious gravity. I tried everything humanly possible to keep from taking this step, but once the time came, I knew what I had to do. Publicly, all I will say is that sometimes the agency of others really sucks…
…[looking] to the horizon, and I can see tiny glimmers of light. I don’t want to get too excited to soon, but I really, really think things may be looking up. The road is hard and there will be bumps, I am well aware. I know there are hurdles I cannot yet see; being a single-Mama is nothing I ever planned to try. But I’m going to make it. I really, really am.
The Lord has abundantly blessed me- with friends, family, talents, faith and hope. Now is the time for me to pull myself up, dust myself off, count my blessings, and get to work. And that’s just what I intend to do.






And as they are on your personal blog…you are sounding so positive. May things continue to look up, be positive, and good, no GREAT, things come your way!
Comment #1 by KellieOctober 23rd, 2009 at 9:55 pmContinued prayers…
I just fell into your blog tonight. And just read your divorce post. I too a mormon momma am going through a divorce. With 3 little kiddies. I never ever wanted to be a single mom. Love your blog. Good luck to you.
Comment #2 by CandiceOctober 23rd, 2009 at 10:39 pmTracy- My heart goes out to you and your children. Good luck with whatever life brings in the next few months.
Comment #3 by GingerOctober 24th, 2009 at 4:29 amTracy - You’ve been in my prayers, and will continue to be. Thanks for sharing your optimism and faith with us.
Comment #4 by Melanie2October 24th, 2009 at 5:00 amMaybe you’ll get grief from die-hards about getting divorced, but maybe you won’t. Either way, I think that if you are feeling this weight lifted, that’s significant, and like you said, you haven’t made the decision lightly (do most people?). Good for you for being courageous.
Comment #5 by JanelleOctober 24th, 2009 at 7:19 amJanelle, I’m only slightly worried about grief from the old-guard. But if they knew… If they KNEW what I’d been through- it doesn’t matter. Because the Lord DOES know. So I dare anyone to give me crap…
Thanks for all the well-wishes.
Comment #6 by Tracy MOctober 24th, 2009 at 7:42 amKellie- thank you.
Candice- prayers right back to you, too. Maybe we can learn how this works together.
Ginger- thank you.
Melanie2- thank you.
Tracy, I can guarantee you that people will give you crap, whether or not they know the backstory. People in general, but especially Mormons, have a strong need to believe that there’s only one true way to do things, and it’s the way they’re currently doing them. Also, the Church has an unfortunately simplistic rhetoric about divorce, which means that you’ll hear a lot of ridiculous things that have zero relevance to your situation, despite seeming to be addressed to you.
But a lot of people have got your back, and it’s a very strong back. You’ll be just fine. We love you!
Comment #7 by KristineOctober 24th, 2009 at 9:03 amI pray that your ward is above the norm, that your ward keeps you even closer and loves you even more. My sister said that as soon as she was found to be divorced, she magically became invisible. No more dinner invites. No more playdates.
It sucks that mormons don’t know how to deal with divorce. They don’t know that support is needed, similar to a surgery or birth. Meals may not be needed, but there is still a need!
Comment #8 by Rachel R.October 24th, 2009 at 9:18 amI have a fantastic ward, and a great network of support, but like Kristine (she is someone I rely on and love) said, I know it may be hard. I almost feel bad for the first person to assume I did something wrong. I’m thinking of just standing up in RS and giving the whole ward the 411 to nip the gossip-grapevine in the bud.
Comment #9 by Tracy MOctober 24th, 2009 at 9:22 amGood for you, Tracy. You go girl!
Comment #10 by wbprawOctober 24th, 2009 at 10:42 amI’m sorry.
Kudos for your bravery!
Don’t forget to get priesthood blessings and get to the temple when you can.
Best wishes and prayers!
Comment #11 by StrollerbladerOctober 24th, 2009 at 10:51 amTracy, you’ve been on my mind. You are one of my favorite bloggers to read, and I pray that you will have the strength and love you need to get through this.
Comment #12 by Emily M.October 24th, 2009 at 10:56 amHonestly? This is your road & we travel w/ you to some extent but only you know you. I wish you & your family only the best. It sucks to have to go against the norm but you have to look after what’s best for you & your family. I hope that you will be insulated from the heckling of others until it just doesn’t matter anymore. AND it’s great that you have a fantastic word w/ a great support network.
Best wishes.
Comment #13 by Sues2u2October 24th, 2009 at 10:56 amTracy–
I’m sorry to hear the news. Sorry in a ‘this really sucks your marriage and life didn’t turn out like you planned and what a crazy new development’ sort of way. But happy for you in a ‘although this really sucks, you sound super optimistic and happy and obviously you’re doing you’re best so great job!’ sort of way. I agree that sometimes the Mormon community can be judgmental about these things–I think it’s getting better. In the same way we understand abuse and addiction so much better than even 15 years ago. My mom was a divorced mother of 2 in Salt Lake City in the early 80’s–and she was a mere 25 herself. Not easy. She had some bad experiences, but also some people who truly rallied around her and gave her love and support.
And I have to say that I’m super excited and inspired to see all the work put into a fabric line! That’s great. And to see you at the fabric show in Houston. Seriously, so wonderful and inspirational….I’m sure a couple of those ‘big wigs’ remember their first show too.
Comment #14 by MiggyOctober 24th, 2009 at 11:38 amI’m so very sorry that you’ve got more woes to navigate with the divorce. I am sure it is a decision you didn’t make lightly. May you be guided to do the things which are best for all as circumstances unfold. I wish you the best. My husband was married for 6 years before he and I met. The divorce was the best Christmas gift (she told him she wanted out on Christmas day) he ever got. I hope the road you’re traveling will bring you to greater happiness.
Comment #15 by CynthiaOctober 24th, 2009 at 1:00 pmI’m so very sorry that you’ve got more woes to navigate with the divorce. I am sure it is a decision you didn’t make lightly. May you be guided to do the things which are best for all as circumstances unfold. I wish you the best. My husband was married for 6 years before he and I met. The divorce was the best Christmas gift (she told him she wanted out on Christmas day) he ever got. I hope the road you’re traveling will bring you to greater happiness.
Comment #16 by CynthiaOctober 24th, 2009 at 1:00 pmNothing but love for you and your family coming from this little corner of the world.
I’d choose you over Martha any day.
Comment #17 by berzerkcarrottopOctober 24th, 2009 at 1:36 pmIf anyone gives you crap, I will personally kick their bootie!!!
Comment #18 by Melissa McOctober 24th, 2009 at 2:25 pmBest of wishes for you and the kids, and a grand vista when when you come out of the tunnel.
Comment #19 by mormonhermitmomOctober 24th, 2009 at 3:55 pmI’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through so much. Life is hard. And it is hard when we all have agency and others make choices that hurt us unbearably. I pray that you’ll have the guidance you need to get through these hard times, to find the strength you need to be the best mom to your children, and to find happiness and peace.
Comment #20 by TiffanyOctober 24th, 2009 at 4:29 pmBest wishes from me too. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I don’t, so I’ll leave it at that.
Comment #21 by Molly in the Jello BeltOctober 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pmI’ve been there. I feel your pain.
Comment #22 by KamiOctober 24th, 2009 at 9:55 pmGood luck to you and your kids. We have a good friend whose divorce recently became final. He has convinced the kids that it was all Mom’s fault and he just wants to get the whole family back together , and yet she just told us that: a) he’s marrying his girlfriend in a couple of months, and b) he’s going to jail next week. And SHE’S the bad guy?
Again, good luck to you. I pray that it doesn’t get ugly.
Comment #23 by CS EricOctober 25th, 2009 at 2:50 amGood on you for being strong enough to do what you feel is necessary. I am not brave enough to get out, and worry constantly how my lack of courage is affecting my kids.
Good luck for the future
Comment #24 by namakemonoOctober 25th, 2009 at 4:06 amIt is so sad when a marriage ends, and I don’t think anyone makes that step lightly. I am so sorry for what you are going through, and I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel.
Comment #25 by m2thehOctober 25th, 2009 at 10:50 amTracy–I recently came across a really old blog (but I didn’t know it at the time.) My response to reading it was the only thing that came to mind. I put all your names on the temple prayer roll. They were all still there when this divorce decision was made. Strange. But on further reflection it occurred to me that everyone can use a blessing at a time like that, regardless of the exact circumstances that brought it all about. I also want you to know that even though some would consider me “old guard” there is no judgement coming from this quarter.
Comment #26 by Marjorie ConderOctober 25th, 2009 at 12:29 pm(((((Hugs)))))
I think that I read and commented on your other blog, but I wanted to mention - again, I’m sorry.
I went through divorce a few years ago. I have to say, I didn’t get “crap” from other Mormons. In fact, my Mormon relationships brought me peace, comfort, and aid. I stayed strong and active in the Church. I didn’t feel judged. Usually, women would come up to me every week - offering me words of solace and encouragement.
I also attended the temple often. It was hard at first, but I know that regular temple attendance gave me the peace I needed at the time (being a single, working mother is tough!). It also prepared me for future blessings.
I really hope that you are able to see the silver lining in your trial. I’ll keep checking on your blog. and for now–>
you’re in my prayers.
Comment #27 by cataniaOctober 25th, 2009 at 1:04 pmAw Tracy, as a single parent for some time now, let me introduce you to something wonderful when hubby left: FREEDOM!
Comment #28 by merrybitsOctober 25th, 2009 at 6:25 pmI too hope your ward is above the norm of invisability. I still don’t think they know I exist. Or care if I do. And I’ve been divorced for 9 years. And even tho they knew that he had left…. they kept asking how he was… and not how I was….
So….. yes. FREEDOM! it is wonderful.
Comment #29 by BrendaOctober 25th, 2009 at 6:32 pmBig, deep breath. You’re going to make it. It’s going to be okay. You rock.
I think Mormons can surprise you. Give them a chance. And yes, we’ve got your back.
Comment #30 by Heather O.October 25th, 2009 at 6:37 pmBest of everything for you and your kids in this new world. One day at a time…
Comment #31 by mitsyOctober 25th, 2009 at 8:25 pmTracy, I admire your courage and attitude. There will be hard times - but things were already hard, weren’t they, so it’s just a shift in focus. You can do great things! Continued love and prayers.
Comment #32 by Michelle AMOctober 26th, 2009 at 8:39 amSo many people have your back…support and love you…and believe in you! Cherish that. You can do anything…
Comment #33 by KellieOctober 26th, 2009 at 10:51 amA single friend in our ward said almost the exact same thing about “…the weight has been lifted…”. It was a relief for her. And even though single parenthood has been so trying for her, there is peace, comfort and love in her household that she hasn’t felt in years. I can’t say I’ve been there, but know that just because we’re married doesn’t mean that our sisterly support has disappeared. We feel with you, we cry with you, we scream with you and we can laugh with you, too.
You can do it.
Comment #34 by JodyOctober 26th, 2009 at 1:16 pmTracy,
I wish you all the best in your journey. May you continue to have incredible strength and find peace as you move forward.
Much love.
Comment #35 by JessawhyOctober 26th, 2009 at 7:57 pmi’m sorry sister. share your pain and hope with us. those that love you want, even need, to to hear/bear it.
god will bless you and your family
Comment #36 by daveOctober 27th, 2009 at 6:45 amTracy, we are over in San Antonio and have some family in Houston if you need any help.
Comment #37 by Matt W.October 27th, 2009 at 7:06 amThank you everyone, for kindness and encouragement…
Matt, I actually live in the northwest, and was just in Houston for a trade-show, but I truly appreciate the kindness of your offer.
I do feel the prayers. It feels like that wagons have been circled around me and I am being protected…
Comment #38 by Tracy MOctober 27th, 2009 at 7:56 amBest wishes to you and your children. (edited) Knowing that things are going to be all right is such a blessing when navigating deep waters.
Comment #39 by ResearcherOctober 28th, 2009 at 4:36 pm((HUGS)) You got anyone giving you grief…send them our way.
Comment #40 by SarahOctober 31st, 2009 at 10:34 pm