By Tracy M
Hey Mamas. I know a few of you keep up with me over at Dandelion- but more than a few do not. You’ve followed me on my motherhood journey through hellacious pregnancies, unmedicated birth, lactation woes, the pain of long-term unemployment and the uncertainty of my future- and wow, that’s a lot woes!- there has been some good mixed in, right? My Target tales always got a laugh? Remember when Elvis Cow peed in my car? Or when Beanie hid under the bed with a pound of butter? Ah, yes…
So now I embark on a new journey. Three weeks ago, on my birthday no less, I filed for divorce.
That’s why I’ve been a little scarce around these parts. Life threw me a curve ball, and I had to get my batting helmet on. Or something like that- sports metaphors are good, but usually lost on me.
Meanwhile, my faith is solid, my kids are doing better than I first expected. I’m surprised at the weight that has lifted (I know, bizarre) from my shoulders since making this unexpected turn. I know I’m not the first LDS woman to find herself unexpectedly standing in this place. Like so many of us, I gave up my career when I became a mother. Now, I have to figure out how to be the mama, the life-raft for my kids, and make a living.
As I said at Dandelion:
There is a lot of personal pain that will remain just that- personal. This was not a step I took lightly or with anything but the most serious gravity. I tried everything humanly possible to keep from taking this step, but once the time came, I knew what I had to do. Publicly, all I will say is that sometimes the agency of others really sucks…
…[looking] to the horizon, and I can see tiny glimmers of light. I don’t want to get too excited to soon, but I really, really think things may be looking up. The road is hard and there will be bumps, I am well aware. I know there are hurdles I cannot yet see; being a single-Mama is nothing I ever planned to try. But I’m going to make it. I really, really am.
The Lord has abundantly blessed me- with friends, family, talents, faith and hope. Now is the time for me to pull myself up, dust myself off, count my blessings, and get to work. And that’s just what I intend to do.