Dear Insurance Adjuster dude-guy,

Thanks for your recent correspondence regarding my husband’s life insurance. It was especially helpful that you noted that my husband has had an “age change” since he took out the policy 3 years ago. I appreciate the reminder that we are getting old.

Yours,
Geezer-wife

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Dear woman in the grocery store with toddler in tow at 11:30pm,

Lady, it’s 11:30 at night. Don’t blame the toddler if she’s a tad fussy, and please don’t yell at her for wanting to lie on the floor in the middle of the frozen food section. Did I mention it’s 11:30 AT NIGHT?

signed,
another mother who understands that taking your child out close to midnight must have been your only option but wishes you would realize that the kid is tired, too.

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Dear daughter,

Please stop taking your diaper off and peeing all over the house. You’re worse than the dog.

Signed,
Your mother who would like you to be potty trained, but realizes that won’t happen until you stop screaming in panic every time you poop.

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Dear Christmas,

You’re coming up just a little too fast. Can you slow down, please? I haven’t started on my Christmas shopping yet, so if you could ask Santa to use his magic time stop fairy dust, or whatever it is he uses on Christmas Eve to make time stand still, I sure would appreciate it,

Yours,
Harried mother who is trying to figure out how to do a cross country Christmas when luggage costs $25 a bag.
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Dear man with the license plate Godlksu,

I value your sentiment, and your wish to spread the good news of the gospel wherever you go. You might want to rethink your license plate, though, or at least add another vowel or two, because at first glance, I read, “God licks you”, which I’m assuming wasn’t your point at all.

Sincerely,
A woman who likes that God likes me

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