By Heather O.
I like to run in the mornings. But once a week, I go to a bonafide gym to attend a weight training class that kicks my butt.
After the class, I run on the treadmill for 2 miles for as fast as I possibly can. I like to think there are ultimate pacing benefits to this, but mostly I do it because it makes me feel good. Then I pick up my daughter from the gym’s daycare, and we go swimming at the pool. It’s a sacred ritual, and I love it.
This week, we had a different instructor at the class. We were working on our pectoral muscles, and she was showing us how to do the exercise correctly, as doing it wrong, or “cheating”, if you will, could cause injury.
“And I can tell I’m doing it right, well, because, okay, this is too much personal information, I know, but I have implants, and when I do this correctly, my muscles push my breasts into my armpits!” She laughed, and then said, “But hey, I nursed 3 babies for 4 years. I calculated how much money I saved our family by not buying formula, and then told my husband that I earned these.” We did a few more reps, and then she continued.
“I mean, my MIL was horrified. She told me ‘It’s just vanity run amok!’ And I told her that hey, there are people who won’t leave the house without make-up. That’s vanity, too.”
And she continued to count out the reps, having switched from pecs to hamstrings, and I thought, “And there are people (like me) who take hours out of their day to come to the gym so that their butts look good. Is that vanity run amok?”
This class came on the heels of an awesome institute lesson where we discussed this talk by Elder Bednar. It was one of those times when you hear something that just screams Truth. When, like JS said, you know it’s truth because it’s tastes good.
Basically, the talk is about charity, and how Christ was an example of charity. And it wasn’t the normal trite stuff, like He loved everybody, He was gentle and kind and meek, He did good things. I mean, yeah, Christ was all those things, but Elder Bednar talked about how Christ is the ultimate example of charity because during the moments of His greatest anguish, when another person’s instinct would be to turn inward to suffer, He turned outward. Healing the guard’s ear, worrying about Mary, comforting the robbers who hung on crosses next to His. Turning outward to comfort others while you yourself are suffering–that is what charity means. And it is not something we gain easily, it is not something that comes without effort or strengthening from the Lord. But when charity owns us, when our instinct is to turn outward instead of inward, it is powerful stuff.
Which brings me back to my gym class. There is nothing quite like exercise to make you turn, well, inward. You are focusing on your body, on your muscles, on what you look like. It’s sort of, um, vain. Right?
I think that instructor was right. Everybody is vain, in one degree or another. Every woman I know wants to look nice to feel good about herself, and whether she accomplishes that through make-up, hair dye, boob jobs, or craziness like running at 6am in 25 degree weather, I think the motivations are basically the same.
So my question is, is vanity an enemy to charity? Can a person be vain and charitable at the same time? We all know that vanity CAN run amok (with some occasionally tragic results), but are there degrees of vanity that are “allowed”? Are vanity and pride the same thing?
Okay, so that’s more than one question. Sorry. You can address all or only one in your comment
And I do urge you to take a look at Elder Bednar’s talk if you get the chance. It really does taste good.
UPDATE: Just found a quote from Elder Maxwell that goes along with this: “Empathy during agony is a portion of divinity.”
Okay, WOW.




I think we have to care for and respect the gifts we have been given, which definitely includes taking care of our bodies and spirits. When I care for my body I show God that I am grateful for it. I am a better person when I shower and wear decent clothing, and then I am more fit to serve. Is vanity an enemy of charity? Yes. But there are levels of what we call “pride” and “vanity” that are not problematic. We all need to determine those levels ourselves.
Comment #1 by kewDecember 11th, 2009 at 11:21 amI think in this, like all things, moderation is key. The poor beauty queen undergoing her tenth plastic surgery is at one end of the spectrum, and the person who utterly neglects their hygiene and appearance is at the other.
Hopefully most of us are somewhere closer to the middle.
Even people who devoted their entire lives to others- Mother Theresa, Ghandi- still bathed and kept themselves presentable.
Exercising is taking care of your body so you can live a fuller life. It it makes you butt nice too, all the better for your marriage.
I have noticed that I feel better about myself, am more willing to serve, and am better on top of my own life when I eat well and exercise. I stop doing those things when I am depressed or feeling crummy about myself. Outward manifestations of inward turmoil and pain.
That’s a lot of words for a point I’m not even sure I made…
Comment #2 by Tracy MDecember 11th, 2009 at 12:03 pmI’m going to answer her questions: REFUSING (not preferring, but refusing) to leave the house without makeup? Yep. Vanity run amok. Literally spending hours a day JUST to make your butt look good? Yep. Vanity run amok too. Paying 10,000 bucks so that someone can slice you open simply to increase your sex appeal–and don’t tell me it’s about being “attractive” or “feeling good about oneself.” It’s wanting huge boobs. We know what it’s about– well . . .
Comment #3 by HeidiDecember 11th, 2009 at 12:06 pmI should rephrase. Instead of “don’t tell me that,” which sounds more aggressive than I intended my tone to be, I should have said “I don’t believe that.” That’s a more accurate reflection of my attitude.
Comment #4 by HeidiDecember 11th, 2009 at 12:13 pmElder Maxwell once talked about how when we reach out to comfort others whose pain is less than our own it’s very Christlike. And, of course, everyone’s pain is less than Christ’s. Elder Bednar’s thoughts reminded me of that.
Comment #5 by mbDecember 11th, 2009 at 12:32 pmThe vanity questions–I think there’s a difference between being “neat and comely” (taking care of ourselves) and being prideful. C.S. Lewis talked about how you can reach a level of selflessness where you take as much pleasure in others’ accomplishments as you do your own–but this implies that you do take some level of pleasure in your own accomplishments. And I think that could include a workout well done or maybe even makeup artfully applied. As my Mom says, “Even an old barn looks better with a new coat of paint.”
For me, I guess, the question is whether something will contribute to your health and well-being. (Workouts and looking nice pass the test, fake boobs, not so much.)
Half the women in my ward have breast implants. They’re all thin and rich. When we first moved here, I was terrified to go to church since I am neither of those things. But they are also some of the most kind, loving, charitable people I’ve ever met. So I don’t think one has much to do with the other.
One of my best friends has had a tummy tuck, breast implants, eyelash extensions, yada, yada, yada - but I think most of that stems from - oddly enough, considering how pretty she is - raging insecurity. But she is also constantly organizing clothing drives and yard sales for charity and volunteering at anything and everything and is always right there with dinner/babysitting/help whenever someone has a need. I don’t know if I’ve ever met a more service oriented/charitable person in my life. She just ALSO has self esteem issues and the money to throw at them.
Comment #6 by SueDecember 11th, 2009 at 12:35 pmI can’t believe you started a fake boobs post - considering how well they always go…..
It is a great talk, though. Thanks for linking to it.
Comment #7 by The WizDecember 11th, 2009 at 1:19 pmI’m not sure if this will make sense…but here it goes…
When I’m pondering questions like these I always try to take it back in my mind and look through the lens of history and see if there’s a comparison that works for me. The gospel and it’s principle’s are timeless, that’s why it doesn’t matter that we–in Modern day America and elsewhere–are commanded to read from ancient texts daily {frequently, whatever} because the principle’s of the gospel will hold up just as much 1,000 years ago as they will today. If this is vanity run amok today, what did that look like 600 years ago? Or 200 years ago? Is there a standard I can see that lasts the test of time. This doesn’t always work but it sorta helps me put things in perspective.
For example–is this akin to several BOM warnings about the prideful people wearing expensive and fine apparel? Obviously we still care about expensive clothes as a form of vanity, but since they didn’t have boob jobs back then was that the ancient equivalent? What about the Pioneer women? What would they think about vanity–I think most of them probably understand the desire to look comely and clean–obviously we have different standards of what it means to look ‘put together’ today vs. back then–but they had standards of dress that most likely they didn’t deviate from–hair pulled up, long dresses, etc. So do our current desires to look nice match equal what the pioneer women considered looking nice? {again this might not be making sense…but it makes sense in my head…}
Personally I have a hard time believing that anyone living outside this time period would understand our infatuation with our looks. I also like working out, I fret about my weight and I care a little too much about my appearance–and while I think all people in all time probably wish to have a nice appearance, do I think it’s the same as it is today? No I don’t–my sense is we’re definitely more vain, but it’s disguised to look ‘normal.’
Comment #8 by MiggyDecember 11th, 2009 at 1:25 pmFair enough. I can understand that.
Speaking of self esteem, here is what Pres. Benson says about it:
“If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.”
I’m not trying to chastise anybody here–just throwing out food for thought.
Comment #9 by Heather O.December 11th, 2009 at 1:27 pmI like the quote by CS Lewis. I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking pleasure in your own activities, etc. Aren’t men supposed to have joy? I think pleasure is a form or degree of joy.
I used to think that breast implants were all about vanity. I don’t think so anymore. I don’t think I will ever get them, but I don’t judge women who do. I can’t say what their motivations were (they can but I won’t ask). You can make the argument that braces on teeth are vanity too, counterbalanced by oral health.
At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter—these things overlap. Is someone who spends $25 on jeans less of an individual than someone who spends $250? Of course not. Same goes for boob jobs, braces, or makeup. What really matters is that you try to be the best you can be in word, deed, action, etc.
Comment #10 by AmyDecember 11th, 2009 at 1:29 pmI’m not sure about that, Miggy. I think stuff like this has been around forever–it just takes different forms. I mean, foot binding–hello? Mankind has done some pretty messed up stuff in the name of cultural norms.
Sorry for the fake boobs post, Wiz. I really don’t want to get into a morality discussion about plastic surgery—that’s been done before. I just sort of wanted to think through comparisons between vanity and charity, inward focusing vs. outward focusing. And focusing inward doesn’t only have to be about looks. It can be about a lot of other things, too.
Comment #11 by Heather O.December 11th, 2009 at 1:33 pmPoint taken Heather. However I think this is a much deeper obsession that spans generations, social class, race, gender, etc. than it has historically. Sure women of a certain social class had their feet bound–but I can’t imagine a peasant in ancient days spending their meager earnings on beautifying themselves at the expense of basic needs. But having recently lived in the ‘hood in NYC I often saw people in lower income situations wearing designer labels head to toe, using expensive cell phones, etc, etc. I’m not saying this is only something that can be seen among the lower class, but in general I think there is a shift in that ‘luxury’ used to be for the upper class, but now the middle and lower class are sacrificing for the same ‘luxury.’ From my perspective appearance seems to be more important than ever among ALL people and because of that I think it taints our perspective of what a ‘normal’ or healthy view of ourselves and our appearance truly is.
Comment #12 by MiggyDecember 11th, 2009 at 2:01 pmI could definitely get behind that. Sometimes I want to take a camera, take pictures of people at the mall or at a park or something,and show it to the young women to say, ‘Here. This is what NORMAL people look like’.
But I probably won’t ever do that, because I’m sure me taking random pictures of strangers is sure to skeeve some of those strangers out.
Comment #13 by Heather O.December 11th, 2009 at 2:28 pmVanity is about being noticed, standing out in a crowd.
Recently I heard a General Authority woman talking about what she wears to meet with Pres Monson. She said that there are two suits hanging in her closet, one is red and the other blue, which one did we think she wears to visit the prophet? Everyone said in unison, “BLUE”. This led me to think, if that’s what we should wear to visit the prophet, is that how we should dress everyday too?
If we are charitable we want other people to feel they are important - we don’t want it to be all about us. We are all God’s children, no one over another. But when we focus on our looks we are saying, “Look at ME!” This leads me to think that it is difficult to be vain and have a charitable heart. I believe that doing charitable things is different than having an overall charitable character.
The woman who is insecure, vain, and does charitable things - is that really Charity (with a capital “C”)? I think there is a huge difference between giving people our old clothes, making 3 dozen cupcakes for the bake sale and having Charity. Not that those other things aren’t worthwhile, but they could be done for many reasons not associated with Charity.
Beyond all of that - What about women being more than just their bodies?!!
Comment #14 by jendoopDecember 11th, 2009 at 7:09 pmJendoop–
Thanks for your comment.
As for women being more than just their bodies, I think vanity can go far beyond just what we look like. It can even creep into our charitable acts, which, as you point out, may or may not indicate a charitable character. I knew a woman who was sort of intense about doing the most for new move-ins, and while I definitely applaud her for wanting to make people in a new area feel welcome, there was an odd sort of competition quality about it. And when charity becomes competitive, well, what is it then?
My, but these things can get complicated.
Comment #15 by Heather O.December 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pmOne of my favorite statements when discussing body appearance/shape is this: Everybody has a shape, even me. round is a shape! That being said, I have struggled with obesity for many years. After recently finding myself undergoing a heart cath at age 45, I decided that it was time to take care of my temple. 10 days ago I underwent gastric bypass. The responses I have come upon are many and varied- from “that is a super extreme measure” to “just push back from the table” to “copout way to get healthy” to the occasional “kudos!”. Am I vain? yes. Do I regret it? NO!!Esp. when I now have the ability to help those around me, and truly learn the meaning of charity. And who is being charitable here? Those of us judging another for physical changes she made?
Comment #16 by hennchixDecember 11th, 2009 at 8:13 pmi also like the talk bednar gave to the young adults in may, where he discussed “the false idol of body image”–and elder holland’s a few years ago with “the great and spacious makeup case.” i definitely think there is cause for concern in zion.
Comment #17 by anitaDecember 11th, 2009 at 9:01 pmI also believe that we serve better when we take good care of our bodies, which includes exercising. and there’s always that whole “even an old barn can use a good coat of paint” quote.
Comment #18 by Molly DoeDecember 11th, 2009 at 9:21 pmNow obviously everybody has a different line for what passes as good stewardship and vanity. If we’re neglecting other responsibilities to work out/do make-up/pay for boob jobs, then I would say it’s vanity. But if it’s something we do to show respect for our body, then I would say it’s good stewardship.
Some women go for the boob jobs, and yet are not completely superficial. They compare it to working out at the gym for hours to get a nice butt, to keep hubby happy. Would hubby be happy even without the boob job? Yeah. But if you want it and you can afford it, why not?
Moving away from the boob tangent, I guess I believe that the attitude behind the actions makes more difference than the actions themselves.
I haven’t read others’ comments, but my two comments are these:
vanity = pride
We need to take care to not worship idols.
Comment #19 by StrollerbladerDecember 11th, 2009 at 11:11 pm◦J. Golden was once asked his opinion of women wearing cosmetics, which some General Authorities in the early part of the 1900s frowned upon. When asked, J. Golden said: “Well, a little paint never hurt any old barn.”
::shrug:: just my opinion.
Comment #20 by AshleyDecember 12th, 2009 at 8:51 amafter fininshing nursing my second child (and most likely last given how difficult pregnancy is for me) I went out and bought some wonderful Victoria’s Secret bras. Let me tell you girls, it was like a boob job for $50!! And it was fantastic! And it continues to be fantastic! Was it vain? Probably. And then again not. I think the Lord wants us to feel good about ourselves, about who we are and how we look (and the for the strength of the youth manuel encourages a careful and tidy appearance, and definately discourages the braless look ;cD )
This is just like anything else… it’s about balance, balance, balance. If you’re keeping a membership at the gym while your family starves because the fee is eating your budget, then yeah, you might want to take a look at what is really motivating you. But if you go because it’s good for you and you enjoy being healthy and teaching your children about health and exercise, then rock on wit’ yo’ bad self!
I think if you are absolutely obsessed with your appearance that is a bad thing. But if you exercise or dress nicely or even end up having surgery in order to be healthy and attractive, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Honestly, there are a lot of women in my ward who would be more attractive if they would pay a little more attention to what they wear and styled their hair and wore a little makeup. I’m not saying to become a fashion plate–I’m just saying wear clothes that fit and take a little bit of pride in how you look. And say just no to jumpers!
I realized that I was just slobbing through the day, wearing sweats and a pony tail and no makeup, and is that what I really want to present to the world? that I’m sloppy and I don’t care about how I look? So I now make an effort to get dressed–usually in jeans and a t-shirt–and while I often end up with a ponytail at least it’s combed neatly, and I even put on a small amount of makeup just so it shows I tried.
I think we are doing our daughters a disservice when we go overboard on either side–if we won’t leave the house without makeup, that’s an extreme. But if we look like a bag lady, is that really much better?
Comment #21 by m2thehDecember 12th, 2009 at 9:15 amI think vanity and taking pride in your appearance have some differences between them. It is one thing to take the steps necessary to feel happy with how you look and feel that Heavenly Father would also be happy with how you present yourself, and another thing entirely to, say, not attend church regularly because you don’t wake up early enough on Sunday mornings to take a long shower, do all your makeup, curl your hair, etc, etc (I had several roommates who would not attend church at all if they did not end up with the time for their entire self-prettifying routine). I’ve always felt Heavenly Father cares a lot more about us attending church than if we manage to be at our very prettiest while there (if it comes down to a choice between the two).
As far as my personal appearance, I need to exercise more to keep myself at my healthiest. I know this, and God knows this, and it is one of those things I need to work on. But I don’t wear makeup. And I don’t think anybody (including Heavenly Father), cares that I do not wear makeup. I have some that I use for very rare very special occasions like anniversaries, but generally I don’t like it much and don’t really know how to use it well and honestly would rather spend the money it would require on other things. I try to wear clothes that make me happy that I think I generally look okay in. Sometimes I wear big t-shirts that aren’t really flattering but are cozy and comfortable and perfect for the work I need to do that day (baking or toddler playing or yard work or whatever) because I don’t have to worry about ruining them or about constantly checking to make sure everything is staying in place and nothing is riding up or poking out or whatever. I also don’t style my hair. I generally try to have hair cuts that look nice having just been washed and brushed, because that’s generally all I’m willing to do with it.
Sure, I would probably look “cuter” if I put on some makeup every day and styled my hair every day and spent more money on my clothes. But generally I think I look alright, and I am pleased with my appearance, and certainly don’t feel like Heavenly Father happens to care about whether or not I wear makeup or spend time styling my hair. And if other people are going to judge me for my choices regarding my appearance, then so be it.
Ultimately, I think anything that is selfish or self-centered could interfere with charity. Vanity, laziness, apathy, obsessions with hobbies, competitiveness. Everybody has “natural man” tendencies towards things relating to the self that can easily get in the way of caring for, serving, and truly loving others.
Comment #22 by kaduseyDecember 12th, 2009 at 10:44 amHeather, When I made the comment about women being more than their bodies I meant it as a question towards those who are pro-plastic surgery. To me, when we spend so much time, money, and effort on our appearance it says that that is what we value- appearances. Now, to go even further than that by putting your body under harm (and surgery is harmful) to look a way that you feel is pleasing says to me that your actual health is secondary to how you look.
And as for Heavenly Father being pro-bra. I think Heavenly Father wants us to dress in a way that is respectful to ourselves and Him. Drawing attention to our sexually stimulating body parts by enhancing them… I’m not so sure that is being respectful to ourselves and him. (After all we haven’t been discussing nose jobs here.)
This counsel has been given “Never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not arouse those emotions in another person’s body or in your own body.” (from True to the Faith) Isn’t augmenting one of the parts of a woman’s body that is sexually stimulating to men seeking to stimulate others in some way?
Comment #23 by jendoopDecember 12th, 2009 at 11:15 amI see nothing wrong with Victoria’s Secret bras if we are wearing modest clothes over them (which means not too tight, and no cleavage showing). The bras hardly make my breasts bigger, they mostly hold them up in their pre-nursing shape and keep them from sagging to my belly button after nursing six kids. =)
And you could argue that they are more modest than other bras because my Body By Victoria bras are fare superior in keeping a certain part of the breast from poking through, which according to my husband is the most stimulating part. (I hope my wording was genteel enough.)
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think wearing Victoria’s Secret bras automatically means we are stimulating the opposite sex.
Comment #24 by AliDecember 12th, 2009 at 1:11 pmP.S. That talk by Elder Bednar rocks. So much to ponder and process, especially in relation to vanity.
Comment #25 by AliDecember 12th, 2009 at 2:18 pmWhoa, I think a huge can of worms was just opened that shouldn’t have been. All I will say is that saying that having large breasts (real or surgically enhanced) is wrong because it is too enticing to the opposite sex is plain silly. If you’re born that way, are you supposed to wear large sweaters all day so that nobody might accidentally see your figure and become aroused by it? If that’s not true, then why should it be true for women who change theirs to be that way? Surely that’s not the motivation for many women who choose this. It definitely wasn’t for one person I know well who did hers. You’re stepping onto very thin ice with that comment, and I don’t think you’re prepared for the tidal wave of comments it’s going to produce. And it’s not the main point of this thread anyway, so how about we just not go there.
Comment #26 by StarababaDecember 12th, 2009 at 2:37 pmI am not saying that women with naturally large breasts are doing anything wrong. I am looking at the societal trends and asking why this certain part of the body?
Comment #27 by jendoopDecember 12th, 2009 at 2:40 pmJust had a thought about being vain and charitable at the same time. I think the answer is yes. You know how in Elder Bednar’s talk he talks about gaining a character like Christ’s line upon line? So at the same time we are learning to become charitable people, we are also learning line upon line to put off the natural man. So I think it is possible for them to co-exist and that as we learn and grow hopefully the charitable part gets stronger as the vanity grows weaker.
Comment #28 by AliDecember 12th, 2009 at 3:06 pmUm, how did we get to God’s opinion about Victoria Secret bras? Have we missed the forest for the trees?
I am just going to say this—the women I know who have undergone various types of plastic surgery have done so for a variety of reasons that are complicated at best. It’s easy to write off plastic surgery as something that is motivated by vanity alone, but I had hoped to highlight the idea that vanity is manifest in a variety of ways, and, most importantly, that we are ALL subject to it, the double Ds and the double As alike.
Comment #29 by Heather O.December 12th, 2009 at 6:48 pmAs for society trends, like I said before, mankind has done some pretty messed up stuff in the name of seeking beauty and adhering to societal norms.
Comment #30 by Heather O.December 12th, 2009 at 6:50 pmI believe that any one thing that comes between you and your (hopefully growing) relationship with the Lord is the problem, whether that’s slovenliness or obsession with the facade, it’s all the same in the end; a self-erected barrier. I think we should be “neat and comely” because we are children of God, representatives of the Father.
It’s so easy for novel things to become a distraction.
Comment #31 by All8December 13th, 2009 at 11:43 amI was reading Pride and Prejudice today and thought that it explained human pride and vanity well.
“Pride,” observed Mary,…. “is a very common failing I believe. By all that I have ever read, I am convinced that it is very common indeed, that human nature is particularly prone to it, and that there are very few of us who do not cherish a feeling of self-complacency on the score if some quality or other, real or imaginary. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.”
Comment #32 by All8December 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pmI dress well, really well for my area. Our ward party was “nice casual” and I wore a sweater and nice skirt. I got a few looks and even some comments that I was overdressed. I responded that that is what I had been wearing all day. I don’t like pants much, and it sticks out in my jeans wearing community, where even attorneys work in denim.
Like hennchix above, for health reasons I have lost a lot of weight. Yes, I do look lots better after losing over 60 pounds, but my body is so much healthier and I am truly able to serve more and do many more things with my family that make my life more meaningful.
I think that running amok occurs when we see only ourselves, place ourselves above others, resent the accomplishments of others, balk at lifting others up to our level - or above us, or even wish/work for others to fail. When we are blinded and unable to see in others what God sees, we are vain and full of pride.
I’m not really big on lots of make-up as I never really learned how to properly apply it, but I do wear mascara so my eyelashes show. I sew my own clothes, so a nice frock costs me far less than the same would off-the-rack. I have a very serious immediate family issue that cause me daily concern, grief, and worry; one I am also helpless to change beyond what I am currently doing. Because it is not an issue that is physically visible, most people, especially those in my ward, aside from our good Bishop and SP, are not aware of the situation. I feel better when I am wearing pretty clothes. I feel stronger and more able to face the days struggles when wearing something I have made. No one else need know, but it reminds me that I can create something beautiful. Ironically, unless it is glaringly immodest or completely inappropriate for the occasion (like strategically ripped jeans and a too tight sequined top on a 6th grade girl at the school Christmas play), I mostly never notice what others are wearing.
On the other hand, I own a beautiful fur coat that I have never worn. It was purchased by my husband at a local fund raising event last spring, so it’s not like I went out and just dropped a load of money on a fur. There is also apparently a family tradition of sorts in his family for the husband to eventually give the wife a fur of some sort, and he was unaware that there are women out there who never considered having one. I would love to wear the coat, but am leery of the “bald daughters of zion” type whisperings that are sure to come. I am also aware of the many, many struggling people in my area and ward and do not with to “flaunt.” The irony of it all is the fact that I have lost some hair due to a recently diagnosed mineral deficiency. Ugh. I think that I will wear the coat to please my husband, and only let the people who don’t say mean or nasty things pet my coat.
Comment #33 by JCDecember 14th, 2009 at 11:40 amI realized that I left out the end part. I can look nice and still serve others as Christ would. I use my skills to alter the missionaries’ suits, alter wedding gowns for the temple, and make blessing and confirmation dresses for others in my ward and area, without compensation for my time, or most often my materials. I have also taught these skills to interested individuals.
I think that when our charity work becomes something we do for the recognition rather than something we do in the service of God, we have reached the point where we are no longer being charitable, but vain to the praises of mankind.
Comment #34 by JCDecember 14th, 2009 at 11:47 amI guess it is all in what you can afford and what you can do. I had a friend who bought a $75,000 chinchilla coat (I am NOT going into a discussion on fur…not my point) and she paid cash for it. She took a lot of grief from people who told her everything else she could have used that money for…but, like she pointed out, she bought everyone of her adult children their homes, has NO debt, gives to charities and her church, and does not hesitate to give when someone asks. She paid cash for that coat and NO one did without because of it. Me, I could in no way do that, I cannot buy my adult children their own homes, either, so it would be way beyond foolish to do what she did. Who am I to judge her? I do own a fox fur coat, and I love it.
I think the same thing applies to what you choose to do with plastic surgery, exercise, make-up, clothing, etc. Obviously, a single person, or person with no children can give more of their time to the pursuits of these….who cares? Honestly….and, mothers, it is good to take care of yourself and feel good about who you are so long as the pursuit of those things do not become obessions. We are a society who worries too much about what someone else does. As far as your relationship with God and what He wants, you need to seek Him and His will. If you feel conviction about these things, do not do them, but do not judge another person who does. Their circumstances and lifestyle may be such that they can do, or make time to do, the things you may not. We all have different goals and dreams. Another discussion on this blog is the Duggars. They have chosen to put themselves and their money into their family and their children. Michelle Duggar is pretty, but modest. But, another family may do it the way they do. That does not make either person or family right or wrong. It is about freedom and personal choice.
Comment #35 by FaithDecember 14th, 2009 at 12:52 pmI think spending $75,000 on one article of clothing is wrong no matter how much money you make, or how little debt you have. Its just ridiculous.
Also, what the heck is wrong with wearing RED when seeing the prophet?! LOL. That is seriously weird. I thought we had gotten past the time when red = harlot.
I go back and forth on the breast augmentation issue. I used to think it was morally wrong, then I breastfed 4 babies!
For awhile I was seriously planning on getting them. Then after watching that 90210 plastic surgery reality show, and seeing all these women being intubated, knocked out, cut into, sliced, diced, mangled and wailing in pain afterwards, I decided it was barbaric to go through something like that just to have nicer boobies. And being that I am a mother, I wouldn’t risk my life for something like that. Having said that, I fully understand why some women want to do it. The results are tempting for sure, if you’re willing to gamble the risks and pay the price.
I think there is a fine line between “neat and comely” and “fashion victim”. But lately, seeing middle aged women covered in “bling” from their knee high boots to their bedazzled designer jeans, rhinestone covered tshirts and $300 highlights just screams “look at me! look at me!” whereas a woman dressed in jeans that fit her shape well, a cute top and heels just looks pretty and attractive.
Comment #36 by anonDecember 17th, 2009 at 1:11 amI went for a walk down Rodeo Drive the other day. Talk about weird.
There was a woman handing out flyers on the corner trying to get people to come into a restaurant for brunch. She was focused on the people ahead of me, and I had to wonder if she would even talk to me. She started her spiel before she’d really turned and looked at me, and as soon as she did I said “Not today, thanks.” She immediately said, “No? No.”
Thought that was funny. There was a man on the sidewalk with his daughter who looked like she was about 11 or 12 and they were wearing the nicest clothes I’ve ever seen. I think her clothes probably cost more than I have in the bank.
Anyway, I have a problem with someone spending $75K on a coat, no matter how rich they are or whatever. Think about what that $75K could do for a family without adequate health insurance whose child has cancer. Or a family living in the slums of a third world country or any number of other situations. And you’re just going to wear it on your back?
Comment #37 by Susan MDecember 17th, 2009 at 2:21 pmSurprisingly, I have a bigger problem with the buying of the adult children’s homes than the coat. It’s one thing to treat yourself to something that you can afford. It’s another to breed a sense of entitlement in your children. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s appalling. Better to teach your children what it takes to get to the point of being able to pay cash for such a coat, and make them buy their own.
Comment #38 by Heather O.December 17th, 2009 at 4:20 pmHow do people know how much she spent on the coat? Did they look it up online or something? Because online prices do not necessarily reflect what somebody paid, says the girl who loves consignment stores. If she told people, that would be seriously weird.
And yeah, in general I’m against people buying their kids houses outright. Helping with a down payment I can see, but purchasing a house altogether? No.
Comment #39 by The WizDecember 17th, 2009 at 10:28 pmPerhaps my using her as example of what one person can do within their means, as opposed to someone else was a good idea. I know she told me how much spent on the coat, but I don’t know if she told others. This was in the 80’s.
She bought all of her kids their own homes outright as gifts to them, and also because inheritance taxes were different back then. It was better to gift things to your children than to leave for them when you die.
Comment #40 by FaithDecember 18th, 2009 at 10:05 amI think it still is better, tax wise, but that doesn’t make me a fan of gifting entire houses. But hey, it’s her life, not mine.
Comment #41 by The WizDecember 18th, 2009 at 11:02 am