By Tracy M
Now for the other side of the, er, cup. Not to take anything away from my Sisters who have never had a problem with the cupeth overflowing, but I know I am not the only Mama out here who dreams A-cup dreams. Maybe I am a radical. Well, in my family, even though I am the only Mormon, I am definitely the wild child, radical one, but that doesn’t have any bearing on why I told my doctor to cut them off. Please! Just cut them off!
Yes, ladies, I was one of those women who’s breasts turned the corner before I did, who had cleavage to Cleveland and back, who would actually have to snap my fingers at guys to get them to look at my face- How obnoxious is that? Finding clothing to actually button over my bosoms was futile; only knit or other outrageously stretchable fabric need even apply. When I got married, we had to special-order the under-bra thing, and perhaps I should post a photo, because you have never seen such an engineering miracle as was this bra. The day my milk came in with my first baby was unreal- many women feel like a cow when they first try nursing- but ladies, I actually LOOKED like a she-cow who had not been milked in three days- veins and all. My mother came laughing out of my bedroom with my nursing bra on her head- and it covered her all the way to the jaw-line. Really, is that what you A-cuppers want?
So, last year when my doctor discovered a vertebrae in my upper back was crushed almost to collapse (I was 32!), he suggested 20 years of hauling ol’ Undulous and Pendulous around was the cause. When the Orthopedic guy and the Radiologist concurred, our insurance was obligated to pay for fixing it. And fixing it meant, glory of glories, Breast Reduction Surgery! I danced all the way to the car…
If any of you are in the boat I used to paddle, struggling with straps that cut into your shoulders, upper back pain, inability to see your feet, breasts that are larger than your babies, or any of the other joys of the buxom, please see your doctor. Have your spine checked out. Had I had the surgery when I was 22 instead of 32, my back would not be fused at two vertebrae now. Yes, fused- and entirely due to the weight of large boobs. (The surgery was a little scary, as surgery probably should be, but let me stress- this was not a cosmetic procedure. Insurance will pay for it 100% if it can be shown that your body is suffering muscular or skeletal detriment due to your chest.)
Beforehand, I asked the doctor how small he could take me- I really wanted an A-cup, but he said that was too extreme, so he created a C. And with that, he removed over half of my breasts. The man was a genius and deserving of some kind of humanitarian award- I maintained all sensation, and the ability to nurse! The very best part? The backpain was immediately gone- absolutely immediately gone. And my spine is starting to repair itself. And I would do it again tomorrow; three times tomorrow- for how good I feel now.
We often yearn for the grass in the other pasture- whether it be curly hair, height, status or bra-size. But take it from me, you ladies with natural, small breasts are truly blessed- you are not harming your bones, your muscles or your body. Thank your perky girls and be glad they are yours!
WordPress database error: [Can't open file: 'wp_comments.MYI' (errno: 144)]
SELECT * FROM wp_comments WHERE comment_post_ID = '206' AND comment_approved = '1' ORDER BY comment_date