By Heather O.
I can’t decide which one, though. Worst movie, or worst song lyric?
I’m thinking about this game because my son is having a resurgence of a former Star Wars obsession. I thought we had gotten over it, but then the kids in the neighborhood started pulling out lightsabers to fight with, which led to an interest in a Star Wars lightsaber Wii game, which led to the renting of The Return of the Jedi, which led to the renting of second worst movie ever made.
I speak of the cinematic travesty that is Episode I, The Phantom Menace. As far as I can tell, the only thing worth watching in that show is the epic lightsaber fight with Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Darth Maul and his double red lightsaber and his cool martial art Capoeira moves. I could be wrong about the martial art, but nevertheless, Darth Maul has some tricky moves, although the part where he sort of shoulder butts Obi-wan bugs me. In a fight with serious weapons and dudes who can, like, fly by the force and stuff, a shoulder butt is gonna push a Jedi over the edge? Not likely.
But beyond the blatent glorified violence, it’s a movie worth skipping. On so many levels.
It is, of course, better than the worst movie(s) ever made, which is a tie between Episode II, The Clone Wars, and Legally Blonde II. It’s hard to decide between dialogue like, “Hold me like you did at Lake Naboo” * and a plot twist involving a facial and a gay chihuahua. Seriously, who writes this stuff?
And I suppose we could just make it more fun (more complicated?) by talking about the worst lines ever uttered in a movie. That could get tricky, though, because then you’d have to admit that you know these movies well enough to quote them, which could be just downright embarrassing.
But then the other day my brother wrote on FB about the dumbest song lyric ever written, which, in his esteemed opinion, is “When we touch, the honesty’s too much.” Since my brother can beat our entire family at the game Encore on a team by himself, I’m willing to consider him an expert on the subject.
(For those of you who didn’t grow up in a game obsessed family, Encore is a game where you draw a card with a word on it, and each team has to sing a lyric from a song that contains that particular word. We sometimes play this game at a family reunion, and the last time we played, my 4 other siblings, my mother, 2 aunts, and about 6 cousins all teamed up against my brother. He won. He is a freak.)
Anyway, the ensuing comments made me laugh and laugh, and hey, laughing is good.
So after all of this blathering, let’s just make it easy on ourselves. Let’s do it Calvin Ball style–no rules, or ones we make up ourselves. Write in the comments either the worst movie you’ve ever seen (and why, if you’re so inclined), the worst line ever uttered in a movie, or the worst song lyric. And if you can cite a terrible movie that has bad writing AND a ridiculous lyric, why then, a million fake MMW dollars to you and a virtual gold star on your forehead.
*This is my husband’s favorite bad line from a movie, but I’m not entirely sure it came from The Clone Wars. It could be something somebody made up to make us laugh. If you’re a hard core Star Wars fan who can verify whether or not George Lucas wrote this piece of crap, please let me know. I still reserve the right to make fun of all Star Wars prequels.
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