By The Wiz
Dear Blockbuster Online -
I cancelled my account weeks ago. Please stop sending me movies. This might be why you’re going bankrupt. Just saying.
Dear Doctor’s office:
I know I was silly when I paid the bill you sent me, and then paid it again when you asked me to at the follow up visit. I KNOW. (I had mailed so many medical payments that day, and you showed a balance…) I am sitting here with 2 receipts for the same amount. I can’t understand why, when I called you to credit one back, you are telling me that neither one has posted in your system, and I still show a balance. Do you want me to fax you the receipts? They’ve both posted to my card. Obviously, your system is horrible, and your customer service is moronic - you CAN’T just credit the card back? You have to mail me a check??? And not right now, of course, when it posts, and no, you don’t know when that will be? Oh no, don’t worry about me, I can float hundreds of dollars for quite a while, you just take as long as you need to, honey.
I don’t know why I expected better. After all, it is medical billing we are talking about. Thanks for “leaving a note for the refund lady” though.
I could do better billing with a crayola.
Dear Bank of America -
How hard is it to send me a 1098? I want to do my taxes, please. I’m an upstanding American citizen. Oh, you mailed to the Utah address? Can you mail me one here, please? Oh, you DIDN’T mail it to the wrong address? You mailed it here? Well then, why haven’t I received it? I’m very particular about my tax documents, especially ones that get me deductions -see above about upstanding citizen. Please don’t tell me again that I can view it online, I’ve tried, and I can’t because it’s a closed account. Oh, you noticed that now? How sweet of you. Way to know your stuff. And sitting on hold for that long? Man, I love doing business like it’s 1999.
I now understand why mortgage officers call you “Bank of the Devil.” That IS your nickname. You might want to work on that.
Dear Trial Membership people:
I am cancelling my account today, 1 full day before my “trial membership” becomes a “yearly membership.” Please refund the $60 you charged me. I’m still a little bitter that I had to sign up for this “trial” in order to enroll my son in Little League. Don’t make me more bitter by being nasty about this. In the mood I’m in today, I will TAKE.YOU.DOWN.
I hate you. Because today I am full of hate.
Man, I’m in a bad mood today. Probably shouldn’t have blogged.
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