By The Wiz

1. I was once assigned to visit an older sister whose adult son was actively engaged in fighting the church, articles published in the local paper calling us a cult and etc. He lived next door and helped care for his mom. I was SOOO scared to go over there. Turns out she was very very nice and wanted some church contact but couldn’t actually attend church because she’d need her son’s help to get there. It was amazing to get to know her and hear about her life. It taught me that my goal in visiting teaching should not be to reactivate but to love.

   Comment #1 by jendoopFebruary 19th, 2010 at 11:18 am

2. This isn’t my story but my mother in laws. Her route for many years was the letter route. This was a route for sisters that did not want to be visited. My Mother in Law would send them a letter, newsletter or card every month so that they knew they were still thought about. One sunday after I am sure several years a sister showed up and introduced herself to my mother in law at church and thanked her for the constant reminder of church and that it helped her to finally make the effort to start coming again. I love this story because it shows that even a simple letter or card can make an impact on another sisters life.

   Comment #2 by DesireeFebruary 19th, 2010 at 11:35 am

3. My sister used to (and maybe she still does) show up for her VT appointments with rags and 409 (or whatever) in hand and while she chatted and shared the message she’d scrub baseboards, wash walls, vacuum, do whatever. It was probably hard for her teachees at first but I’d sure love it if someone would come over and wipe down my baseboards.

   Comment #3 by Alison WonderlandFebruary 19th, 2010 at 11:55 am

4. Quote from Joseph Smith:

   “It is the object of this society [he was speaking to the Relief Society] to reform persons, not to take those that are corrupt and foster them in their wickedness; but if they repent, we are bound to take them, and by kindness sanctify and cleanse them from all unrighteousness by our influence in watching over them……Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness.”

   I like that he says that watching over people - that would be visiting teaching- has the power to sanctify and clease people. There si power in what we do, it is not just social.

   Also - my VT story. WHen I was a child, my Father had a brain anerysm, and I was left at home to clean the house and get dinner ready for my six siblings. I was 11. Within 30 minutes of the event happening, I had two sisters at my door step,(my Mom’s VT) and they took over. I have never forgotten that kindness.

   Comment #4 by ShantelFebruary 19th, 2010 at 12:15 pm

5. p.s. I think the key is “influence” that we have influence when we watch over each other. The same influence that makes us Mothers and binds genterations together. Being a woman is just awesome!

   Comment #5 by ShantelFebruary 19th, 2010 at 12:17 pm

6. I have the best visiting teachers. This past fall when I had the swine flu, my visiting teacher called to check on me (not even knowing I was sick) and brought over a cute little gift bag with anti-bacterial soap and plastic bugs. I still can’t figure out how she did it since it was only about 10 minutes between the phone call and her being at my door. My girls loved it since it was Halloween. And then she substituted for me in the nursery the next day. She is a Saint! It’s just a good feeling knowing that even if they don’t make it for a visit every month, I KNOW I could call them if I needed anything and they would help me out. Not just help, but happily help out of love and not obligation. That is amazing!

   Comment #6 by Lady of Perpetual ChaosFebruary 19th, 2010 at 12:54 pm

7. Major-Similar to comment #2. The VT would drop off a note and maybe talk to the sister through the door 2-3 times a year. And then one day, the timing was right, and the VT was able to get the sister and her kids out of the house (abuse situation).

   Minor-Ok, only minor in that it doesn’t relate to the huge faith-promoting type stories. But I remember when my mom was about 12 months pregnant, and her VT showed up with lotion and each took a foot and gave her a great massage as they visited.

   Comment #7 by SaraFebruary 19th, 2010 at 1:06 pm

8. I was super sick with the flu and vertigo when my daughter was 9 months old. I just laid on he floor basically the whole day because standing up would make me throw up. But the time came to feed my daughter her dinner. I was too sick even to sit up. I called in my VT and she came over to feed her. Then she took her home so I could sleep. She brought her back so I could nurse her before bed. I couldn’t have made it through that evening without her.

   Comment #8 by Flip flop manaFebruary 19th, 2010 at 1:17 pm

9. My great experience with VT is maybe a bit different from what you’re looking for, but I’m grateful for it nonetheless. I’m 27, in a singles ward, and even though I’ve been in this ward for over a year, still don’t feel like I have a place where I fit. I came from a BYU ward I’d been in for years and loved to this one and, while it’s a great ward, it has been a really hard adjustment.

   I was given two girls to visit teach whose names I didn’t even recognize. As I started visiting them and getting to know them, it turned out they were both incredible girls with whom I shared a lot of interests (yoga, food, black Labs, education, cooking, sports, love of PF Chang’s, etc.). The whole time I’ve been in the ward I was praying to find friends who enriched my life and I didn’t find them in going to activities or going to church on Sunday; I found those friends by fulfilling my calling, and I’m so grateful for visiting teaching coordinators who are inspired to match up the women they do.

   Comment #9 by IzeOfLightFebruary 19th, 2010 at 1:37 pm

10. We lived “on the economy” in Germany in the days when no one had cell phones and home phones were too expensive. I was pregnant with child number four, homesick, and generally bummed about everything. My visiting teachers had already visited, my husband was away on a training mission, and I was alone with neighbors who spoke no English and children who spoke constantly.
    One morning, my visiting teacher “dropped by” after making arrangements to take her husband to work so she could have the car. She just thought I needed someone to talk to. I poured out my heart to her. We hugged and cried and laughed. I will love her forever for that seemingly small act of kindness.

    Comment #10 by granny28February 19th, 2010 at 1:49 pm

11. Several years ago I was asked to mail the visiting teaching message to three women in our ward who didn’t want to be visited in person. One of the women was a young mom with two kids, her husband a member of a different church. I was mostly faithful, missing a month here or there, but I always added a little personal message and tried to be friendly and cheerful.

    After two years of letters and not hearing a word, I went to my regular monthly book club meeting and saw a woman I’d never seen before so I introduced myself. It was the woman I mentioned above and the first thing she said was, “I read every single one of your letters. Thank you so much!” I stopped mailing her letters and started visiting her in person after that and she grew to be a very dear friend.

    Since then she and her children have become active in the church, continuing after a cross-country move. Her husband attends occasionally, too. She’s held callings faithfully and received her endowment. Right after she moved, she emailed me the sweetest note saying that the letters I sent her for those two years kept her connected to the church and were the reason she was ready to come back when she did. I still get all misty-eyed thinking about it.

    I don’t think we often really get to see the results of our efforts which makes it that much more precious when we do.

    Comment #11 by EmiGFebruary 19th, 2010 at 2:38 pm

12. I think the experiences would be more meaningful if they came from the women in your ward. Perhaps you could ask some to share their own testimonies of VT? I also think that to do so, one doesn’t necessarily need to give the juicy details or tell a story. In fact, sometimes this can hurt or offend others “my VT brings me homemade bread every month and babysits my kids and tells me I’m beautiful! Gee, God must love me so much to bless me with this great VT!” while one woman wonders why her VT doesn’t show up at all…

    We can testify of the blessings of VTing without doing a song and dance to prove how righteous or blessed we are.

    Comment #12 by jsFebruary 19th, 2010 at 3:12 pm

13. My older daughter is autistic and has a difficult time with change. So when my younger daughter was born she had a very difficult time, throwing temper tantrums all day and night long. Refusing naps and waking up in the middle of the night. My younger daughter also was extremely colicky and would sleep about 45 minutes at a time before waking up screaming. I do not have any family in the area for a break. Needless to say, I literally got about 2 hours of broken sleep a day for the first 3 months. It was really, really hard and I can completely tell you sleep deprivation is awful. When my baby was about 7 weeks old there was a day that she had been screaming for 6 hours straight. It was about 8PM and my husband was working nights. The thought of having another sleepless night was about more than I could handle. So I set down my screaming baby in another room and picked up the phone. I started calling people. The first 6 nobody answered and then I got ahold of an old visiting companion who I hadn’t seen in about 7 months due to the ward split. She asked how I was and my response was terrible and to cry over the phone. She said not to worry, she put her kids to bed and came over (she still had to work the next day). She held my baby until after 11PM while I slept, the first time I’d slept 3 hours in a very long time. Then the next night she asked someone else (another lady who we had visit taught and I hadn’t seen in months and who also had children of her own and worked the next day) to come over to hold my baby while I slept again from about 8PM-11PM. I don’t think either of these women I would have gotten to know except through the visiting teaching program and those 2 nights they were people I really needed and appreciated.

    Comment #13 by MäriaFebruary 19th, 2010 at 4:20 pm

14. we had a great VT workshop in our ward this week, and a highlight was watching this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkG1W0GeF_c
    (search visiting teaching movie on youtube if the link doesn’t work)

    Comment #14 by anitaFebruary 19th, 2010 at 5:31 pm

15. I will ask women in my ward the same question, js. Rest assured. I just wanted some other stories too, especially since they might not want to talk at first. I see no problem with this.

    And if hearing about positive visiting teaching experiences offends people, well, I have no response to that. I can’t imagine how I could possibly navigate that. I want to show that you don’t have to do MAJOR things, that by “small and simple things are great things come to pass.” I think sometimes people think that if they don’t go every month, or don’t do huge acts of service, then they shouldn’t try at all, and that’s just not the case.

    Great stories, everyone! Keep them coming!

    Comment #15 by The WizFebruary 19th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

16. I have a lot of them, but the one that immediately pops to mind is from a friend of mine:

    My friend and her husband were in the process of trying to adopt. They could not have children, and were desperately hoping for a baby. Their matched birth mother was not sure about placing her baby with a religious family- but she had opted for an LDS family for one reason: When she was young, she had a Mormon neighbor who was a single mother. She would see these ladies come and go all the time help the woman. She remarked that she couldn’t believe how much love and help those women gave that single mom over the years- they were always there, with a meal, with clean laundry, with carpool with laughter. So when it came time to place her own child, she wanted a family with that kind of loving support. So she went to LDS adoption.

    You never know who is watching as your hands love and serve others. My friend and her husband received their daughter because of faithful VTers, dozens of years ago, in another state, served their sister.

    Comment #16 by Tracy MFebruary 19th, 2010 at 6:00 pm

17. A while back I had 2 young VTs who both worked during the day - I was a SAHM and nights were out for me, so each month without fail they wrote me a lovely letter. It doesn`t sound much, but in this day of digital communication, it is rare for me to get a “real” letter in the mail box, and it came to be something I looked forward to every month.

    Comment #17 by namakemonoFebruary 19th, 2010 at 6:06 pm

18. I have been assigned to some inactive sisters for many years. It’s hard for me to be consistent because I don’t get anything back from them and one of them doesn’t even invite me in when I come to visit. But one year I decided to be really diligent about it.

    For one, I visited every month, she let me in and we would talk. She worked on Sundays, and her husband was an alcoholic, but she had a real testimony. Around May, she called me and told me that her husband had died. They have two kids and he was only in his 50’s. The fact that she called me is huge because she hasn’t done that before–I’ve always been the one to initiate. I spent the next week calling and visiting her. I planned almost the entire funeral and it went really well. She told me over and over again that she was so glad I was there for her. I was so happy that I had reached out to her for those first months of the year so that she felt comfortable enough with me to let me serve her in such a desperate time.

    For the other sister, I sent letters every month. She’s younger, in college, also works on Sundays, and just seemed to want a more relaxed life than what the church “pushes.” But I sent her letters and tried to add personal touches; sometimes I’d drop them off with cookies. In August, she wrote me back–she contacted me!! She wanted to thank me for all the letters and for “never giving up on her.” It seemed like she really wants to have a stronger testimony but just can’t commit. I felt humbled that my letters were probably the most spiritual thing in her life.

    Neither of them come to church still. And in the last year I haven’t been as 100%. But I know that I’ve made a difference and I feel lucky to have seen how my efforts have helped.

    Comment #18 by LindseyFebruary 19th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

19. As someone with a tepid testimony of VT, I’m really enjoying reading these stories.

    (A question to Wiz the VT Coordinator: I still do something every month even if I don’t visit. Do coordinators frown upon that or do they count that as a “visit”? Just wondering…)

    Comment #19 by ZinkaFebruary 19th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

20. I was asked to VT a sister who worked full time while enduring a difficult pregnancy. I cleaned her house, filled her crockpot so she would have dinner ready when she got home. I also spent many evenings in the ER with her while she had IVs for dehydration (her husband couldn’t stand needles so I became the escort). It was a lot of time and effort. She was profuse in her thanks and told me that blessings would be sent to me somehow.

    A couple of years later, I had my 4th child and found out my baby had Down syndrome. My third day in the hospital,I was at my wits end, in tears, begging Heavenly Father to send someone to me who could explain everything my baby was going through. This sweet sister walked into my room and, with no preamble, said “Let’s go see your baby.” I told her that my daughter was in the NICU and only family was allowed in for 10 minute visits. She escorted me to the NICU anyway and tapped on the glass at the nurses. They let her in with me - it turned out that this sister used to work there as a nurse. Instead of turning us out in the 10 minutes allowed, we were there for over an hour. This sister explained every tube, wire, gadget, beep, alarm, and the notes in her chart, what the doctors would look for, and suggested good questions for me to ask.

    I was in tears when we hugged goodbye. I told her about my prayer and how she was the answer. With tears in her eyes, she reminded me about my efforts as her visiting teacher and how I was an answer to her prayers then.

    Comment #20 by ScarehaircareFebruary 19th, 2010 at 6:24 pm

21. Truly inspired visiting teachers.

    Years ago, I was a stay at home mom of an energetic little girl when I found myself pregnant with my second. My husband and I were both thrilled. Several days after announcing my pregnancy, I started to bleed and was scared that I may be having a miscarriage. I tried to call my husband repeatedly and he didn’t answer. Neither did my parents. I thought that it would pass if I just lay down.

    After a half hour, there was a knock at my door. It was my visiting teachers. They had a plate of cookies but, had not planned a visit. They just said that they were talking on the phone with each other and decided to stop by and say hi. I burst into tears and told them that I thought that I was having a miscarriage and didn’t know what to do.

    Within minutes, one had buckled my daughter up and had whisked her away for a play date at her house. The other drove me to the hospital and stayed by my side the whole time. She called my husband every 5 minutes until he answered. She cried with me and held my hand while the doctors told me that I was going to miscarry.

    After my husband finally got to the hospital, she stayed until I was released. She beat us home and met me at my house with her teaching partner with enough dinners for the week. They told me that they had gotten a hold of my mother and that she was on her way to pick up my daughter.

    Thank heavens I had two guardian angels that day that were really in tune with the Spirit and acted on its promptings.

    Comment #21 by DarciFebruary 19th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

22. My VT came by one day “just because [she] felt like she had to”. My son laid down on the floor in front of her. She took a look at him and strongly encouraged me to get him to the dr. immediately, not to wait, but to go right then. He had some pretty good bruising and I had made an appt for later in the week. But she insisted I go then. We went. Long story short, my son was diagnosed with a rare and serious blood disorder. He was bleeding out and had I not gone when she urged me to, he would have died in his sleep that night. She listened to the Spirit and said the right words for me to hear. I credit her with saving his life. She stayed close by me through 6 long years as we went through treatments and hospital stays. I love her so much!

    Another story.
    My girlfriend works in an office building and made a good friend out of a coworker. After a few yrs. she asked the co worker if she wanted to attend church with her. She thought the co worker was a non member. The coworker replied “yes” and went. After the block she confessed that she was a baptized member and had fallen away after an embarrassment with her former husband. She felt too embarrassed to go back to church and no one had followed up to see where she went or why. It had been 23 years. She said she felt like no one missed her, no one ever called, no one cared. She said that really, all she wanted was to know someone wanted her there. After a week or two the coworker started to attend on a consistent basis with my friend. After a year or so she felt the courage to attend her home ward and start a new. She went to the temple again last year. All because someone asked her to come back.

    Another?

    As a kid I had parents who thrived on loud boisterous contention. It often frightened us as we cowered in our bedroom. Sometimes it would get so intolerable we would call the VT or HT and ask them to come over and break up the fight. ALWAYS they would come. They would act like it was a casual cold call, never let it out that we had called to protect us. There were also times when these sweet people would listen to the Spirit and manage to just show up on their own to save the day; and the time when our HT (on his way home from work) found my dad on the high way, hitching a ride to anywhere to get away from the family. To this day I am GRATEFUL to those angels who would come and restore peace in our home when the adults had totally lost it.

    Comment #22 by s'meeFebruary 19th, 2010 at 7:45 pm

23. And js, I haven’t ready one story from one woman here who is thinking her VTers are a reflection of her own righteousness. Where on earth did you get that from?

    Comment #23 by Tracy MFebruary 19th, 2010 at 8:04 pm

24. Wiz- I love that you want to focus on the fact that the small and simple things can really make a big difference in our lives.

    I had a great experience a couple of months ago. I was preparing to teach RS and one of the conference talks was one that the general RS pres gave on VT’ing. (I think it was from the April 2009 conference.) As I was thinking about how to present it I realized I needed to do more and strengthen my own testimony of it. I had just been assigned to a sister who was very active, but going through a lot. Their family had just moved here from another state. Her husband had been out of work for months and they poured all their savings into a new business venture that wasn’t doing well. She had several personal health problems, and four young, very active children. I said a prayer just for her, asking to know what I could do to help her. I was immediately impressed to call and invite her and her children over to my house for the afternoon. I had no idea how it would go, but even though her kids were older than mine they played together wonderfully for several hours. Shortly after they arrived I remembered I had bought some things to make some cute Christmas crafts… I bought too much actually but it was perfect. We spent the afternoon crafting together, talking and laughing. She later thanked me for providing a stress free afternoon for her, and something to bring a little Christmas cheer to their home. It required almost no effort on my part - just prayer. It wasn’t even a sacrifice, it was a better afternoon that I would have had doing anything else. But it was also what she needed. We are still good friends and I’m still trying to help where I can. I may not be able to take meals over very often, or babysit a lot, but I try to do what I can, and pray for the Lord’s direction in doing so. Sorry for the novel! This experience just helped me know that the Lord will help us in our assignments.

    Comment #24 by LynnetteFebruary 19th, 2010 at 9:38 pm

25. I was new in the ward, and had my first failed IVF. New VTers and somehow we got to discussing how much we’d tried before, and how much I’d gained, yadda, yadda, yadda. We started a walking thing after kids were in bed. It lasted 4 years, 3 IVF’s, 2 miscarriages, 2 births, and survived my move to another state. She is one of my best adult friends & I love her and miss her. heavenlt Father sure was listening to my tearful prayers about needing a friend back then… I was, am, very grateful

    Comment #25 by MelzieFebruary 19th, 2010 at 10:07 pm

26. My one of my current visiting teachers, Sis B, was a great example to me of how to help out someone as stubborn as me. When I had just had my third child, I felt I was very prepared. I had frozen some meals ahead of time and gotten the TV working so the other two could watch movies.

    When people from the ward asked me what they could do or how they could help I always told them that everything was fine, and I had it under control. Sis B wasn’t buying it. She just called me up and informed me that the Relief Society would be bringing me three meals, but she didn’t think that was enough, so she was bringing me five meals after those three, and what days would I like them?

    I think sometimes when we ask if people need help we make it too easy for them to say no. Sis B made it hard to say no, so I said yes. I didn’t really *need* the food, but I did feel good knowing that she was looking out for me. After that I felt like I could call her no matter what was going on and there are days when I really need to know that!

    Comment #26 by DeniMarieFebruary 19th, 2010 at 11:30 pm

27. When I was newly married I was assigned a VT that faithfully came. Shortly thereafter my husband and I moved to Russia. This sister continued to email me and today, 8 years later we are still dear friends. We email each constantly, sharing our joys, experiences, trials and such. She is one of my best friends. And we have not seen each other since we made that first initial move to Russia. I can always count on her, and she is long since my VT. My point, you never how long lasting the relationships will be.

    We move a lot with my husband’s job. Shortly after we arrived in Japan I got sick. Two kids, husband at work, and sick in a literal foreign country. My VT, a woman I had never met before, showed up on my door one night with dinner for my family. I am still not sure how she knew I was sick. And once I was better (she was a Japanese native, married to an American) she took our family around Tokyo to show us places to shop, what to buy, etc. A small act of service each time that made all the difference in the world.

    While the lessons are nice, uplifting, it is the personal touches that make all the differences in the world. The true acts of service that remind you that a loving Heavenly Father is mindful of you and is providing for your needs.

    We currently live in Malta, a small branch with no VT program and I miss the connection with other women.

    Comment #27 by KellieFebruary 20th, 2010 at 2:12 am

28. This isn’t my story, but my wife’s. There was a stretch in our marriage where she was really burned out on the Church. She was assigned two VTers who wouldn’t take “No” for an answer. When she wouldn’t come to the door at first, they would take lawn chairs and sit and wait until she did. After several months of this, my wife finally let them in the door. Not long after and these two dear, wacky sisters had become some of the best friends my wife has ever had. They would have spontaneous “AA” meetings (Attitude Adjustment) which were really trips to Dairy Queen or Baskin Robbins for ice cream. We were active duty military at the time, and the hardest part of the required move was leaving those Visiting Teachers.

    Comment #28 by CS EricFebruary 20th, 2010 at 5:52 am

29. People! This is turning into one of my favorite threads! It’s so wonderful to hear of the acts of goodness, big and small. I LOVE it.

    Comment #29 by The WizFebruary 20th, 2010 at 9:46 am

30. My favorite VTs weren’t that much older than me at the time. They would come and they would chat. Sometimes it felt like they chatted with each other more than me, but I found it oddly soothing to listen to them than to have to talk myself. They were polar opposites of each other but they found so much to laugh about. I needed to see that. It was soothing to my jangled nerves at the time. They came every month unless their families were all sick. I am not a perfect VT myself, but I do try my best.

    Comment #30 by mormonhermitmomFebruary 20th, 2010 at 11:16 am

31. CS Eric, great VT tip- lawn chairs! It’s not really about the stubbornness but that they were inspired to do something creative.

    This thread is awesome, I feel all charitable and whatnot now.

    Comment #31 by jendoopFebruary 20th, 2010 at 12:22 pm

32. The Whiz…I am sensing that my post offended and/or angered you. I’m not sure why…I simply reminded you to be empathetic and sensitive to the situations and experiences of everyone in the room. I agree that the stories shared should be “small and simple things”, to remind us that VT doesn’t have to be grand and miraculous to make a profound difference in the lives of our sisters. That simple friendship is the what one should strive for.

    However, our tendencies are to gravitate to the “awe-inspiring miracle, chicken soup for the soul” type stories. As if these stories somehow prove God’s love for us, or our great faith and righteousness. The fact of the matter is, it can hurt people. I understand this is annoying and unwelcome…you just want to teach a fuzzy feel-good lesson. You don’t want to recognize the “but if nots” in the room. It seems most people tend to feel this way and lose their empathy to frustration and annoyance, and even judgment. Its a definite problem, and one that has long-lasting repercussions. I just wish that people would recognize how hurtful it is. The lesson is not successful if it only caters to half the room, while the others leave feeling rotten.

    Comment #32 by jsFebruary 20th, 2010 at 2:02 pm

33. I need to go make some Visiting Teaching appointments now. Thanks for the guilt trip…er…reminder.

    No really, I’ve loved all these stories and wish I had some of my own to throw in, but though I’m usually a pretty consistent VTer, I’ve never had an experience that was very noteworthy. I usually got to know women I wouldn’t have otherwise and appreciate that, and I’ve tried to serve others, but I have no idea if any of it made much of a difference. I guess the point is to just keep doing it regardless of whether you think you’re changing lives or not.

    Comment #33 by StarababaFebruary 20th, 2010 at 4:08 pm

34. My current VT has been a lifesaver to me. She has come consistently, sharing a wonderful message, and always leaps to my aid. I feel like she is a true friend.

    I currently VT a woman who has been inactive for most of her church membership. She has taught me a great deal. We have become great friends.

    Comment #34 by Tiffany W.February 20th, 2010 at 5:51 pm

35. Right after I had my miscarriage, and right after returning home from our family vacation (yeah, had the miscarriage on a family vacation. What a way to end it!) I was looking through my pantry and realized we had no bread… No bread, no sandwiches for my two toddlers (no way I felt like MAKING bread!) and I was in no shape to be going out in public emotionally. So, I prayed for bread. My VT had just visted me/ consoled me the day before, but she showed up at my door the next day after I had prayed for the bread, with some homemade bread. I knew Heavenly Father was listening, and I knew she was listening to the Holy Ghost. It was a sweet moment for me.

    Comment #35 by amareeFebruary 20th, 2010 at 6:55 pm

36. In answer to some questions -

    Yes, I count it as a visit if you do “something” every month. It’s the “I messaged her on facebook” responses that leave me scratching my head. The options on the computer are visit, phone, or letter, and I just don’t know where facebook falls into that….so far I’ve counted it as a letter, and hope I don’t get too many of those. (I’ve only had one so far)

    js- Ok. I’ll be sensitive. Visiting teaching is not a reflection of righteousness. This is only one part of my lesson and I don’t super appreciate the assumption that “I just want to teach a fuzzy feel good lesson” but I can see where you would get that, I guess. I am trying to motivate people to be better visiting teachers. Our ward just went through some boundary changes and many women don’t know each other and I’m sure several are lonely and a bit lost. Our ward is now HUGE. Sorry if I touched a nerve with this post or hurt you.

    This is definitely motivating ME to be a better vt. I totally suck at it, probably why I got the call. You guys rock.

    Comment #36 by The WizFebruary 20th, 2010 at 7:52 pm

37. Once when I went into a diabetic coma, I was in the ICU, in and out of consciousness. My husband was inactive at the time. Somehow, and to this day I do not know how, my visiting teachers found out I was in the hospital. I woke up to see them standing there, and the first thing they told me was, “Your home teachers are on their way to give you a blessing.”

    Comment #37 by Susan MFebruary 20th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

38. Diabetic coma!! Way to scare the crap out of me, Susan! But I’m glad they were there and you’re ok now.

    Comment #38 by The WizFebruary 20th, 2010 at 8:29 pm

39. Here are my stories…

    The first is my grandma. She told me that there was a lady she was assigned to who was inactive. My grandma was assigned to her for a long, long time. After 14 years-FOURTEEN YEARS–this sister started coming back to church. I’m sorry, but after the first decade or so I might be thinking “this isn’t working” but thanks to my grandma’s persistence, she came back.

    My story is more about the idea of WHO you visit teach and how you can overcome lots of odd or even uncomfortable circumstances. So I was in a BYU ward when my current boy friend’s ex moved into our ward. Then I was assigned to be her VT. Now I should clarify that there was no reason for us to dislike each other–we didn’t–but the whole I’m-dating-your-ex-boyfriend thing really could have been awkward and caused some girl tension. {From what I remember, she wasn’t the one to break up.} Anyway, we ended up being pretty good pals…and for the first time I actually felt like a useful VT. At BYU it seemed like you could visit girls, but that they rarely needed any other service–or at least they never asked. Well she actually asked for favors! And it was great…{which was lesson #2 for me–when your VT asks is there anything she can do for you, say yes. At least occasionally….give her the chance to serve}. Anyway, long after me and the bf broke up I would see this sister around and years later I wound up working at the same company as her husband and saw her pretty regularly over those years. It was great that despite what could have been a very sticky situation we were able to be friends, especially considering the fact that she would be in my life much longer than the boy we both dated.

    JS–Could I perhaps tactfully offer up a consideration? I think sometimes that we expect too much out of a speaker, someone giving a talk or even a person in a leadership position if we feel as though the message being delivered doesn’t seem to strike a personal chord with us–or worse it actually makes us frustrated/uncomfortable. It is impossible for every lesson/talk to have a positive affect on every person, every week. I always think of Sister Parkin’s talk from a few years ago where she says, “Be supportive of our Relief Society presidencies and teachers—let them learn on our time (just as we will learn on theirs).” I always try to keep that in mind that we learn on each other’s time, and I hope I’m as patient with others as they are with me.

    Comment #39 by MiggyFebruary 20th, 2010 at 8:41 pm

40. Now that you’ve mentioned Facebook, Wiz, maybe I do have a story to share.

    I’ve been assigned to the same completely inactive woman for nearly four years. She’s very busy with a full time job that requires a lot of travel, three busy teens, and a military husband who’s been deployed at least twice. She doesn’t have voicemail and is almost never home.

    I’ve tried, really I have, but nothing I did worked. A handful of drop by visits because I drove by and noticed her car in the driveway. A couple treats at Christmas. But nowhere near the VT goal of being somebody she would feel comfortable calling if she needed.

    Until we became Facebook friends. Because of Facebook, I found out when she was sick and brought her dinner. I never would have known that without Facebook. This changed our relationship. I think she’s coming around to the idea that I really do care about her and she’s not just a number.

    So don’t knock Facebook. We’ve had more contact in the last two months than in the almost four years before. I’m a fan.

    Comment #40 by superchickloverFebruary 20th, 2010 at 10:43 pm

41. Hmmmmm, there seems to be another js on here…. But this JS will chime in on VTing. I have always struggled with having a testimony about vting. There I said it! I have lived 8 places in 8 years and many of those years either haven’t seen any of my vt-ers, or haven’t gone myself. I’m not an outgoing person so it was difficult for me to go (excuses, excuses…) Over the years as I try and improve I see what a great thing it can be. The friendships alone are wonderful, and who doesn’t need friends! I was never bitter about the times I never had anyone come/contact me, but instead it made me want to be better because I knew how I felt and often times just wished for a friend. I have no great stories of my own, but the stories others share about how it has blessed their own life or the lives of others help my testimony grow as I realize it’s not just a program but that it’s something wonderful because often sisters are so close to the spirit that it makes it easier for the Lord to use us to bless the lives of others…. And that’s what I want, to be an instrment in the Lords hands, even if it’s just by being a friend.

    Comment #41 by JSFebruary 21st, 2010 at 7:30 am

42. superchicklover - I’m not knocking facebook - I hear you. I know others who have had contact that way as well, and it has strengthened their relationship. But I just don’t know how to REPORT it. The church’s computer system is stymied by it.

    So how do you report to your sup when she asks if you’ve visited and it’s only been fb contact? I can understand if fb faciliatated a visit (like when you brought her a meal) but if it’s just a wall post or something? Still, a wall post is better than nothing, lets her know you’re thinking about her. It leaves me scratching my head reporting wise- visit, phone, or letter? Those are my options on the computer.

    Comment #42 by The WizFebruary 21st, 2010 at 1:04 pm

43. Wiz, sorry, didn’t mean to imply you were knocking facebook. I’m a reformed knocker, so that phrase is just on my brain.

    For reporting, I’d go for letter. Makes the most sense. Someone writes words intended for a particular person. Does it matter if it’s on paper or via fb?

    Oh…and my dd is superchicklover. Teens just love weird handles like that.

    Comment #43 by AhnaFebruary 21st, 2010 at 4:21 pm

44. I’ll provide you your obligatory failure story. I just got back from VTing. When I asked the sister I visit what was new, she told me all about her outpatient surgery three days ago! This was the first I’d heard about it. Her plan for surgery was to ask a coworker to drop her off at the clinic during their lunch break. She’d have the surgery, and then walk home. Yes, that’s right, walk home. It wasn’t more than five miles.

    Fortunately, her coworkers refused to let her ridiculous independence have its way. They not only waited for her during the surgery and took her home, but they took her dinner that night. Yay for the boss who not only gave a coworker an unplanned day off to help her, but also brought part of the meal that night.

    I had no promptings to call her. Meh, so much for my inspiration.

    Anyway, I’m glad her coworkers picked up the slack and made sure she was all right.

    Comment #44 by Melinda in the Jello BeltFebruary 21st, 2010 at 4:26 pm

45. Melinda, maybe her coworkers need the chance to serve her? And for those of you that don’t have a VT story, you may not realize that something you’ve done has touched someone’s life. I know that I’ve had several vts that have just been there for me in small simple ways. Those times have meant the world to me, but I’m pretty sure they have no clue. I think the RS is the most inspired organization in the world. It’s literally impossible to count the millions of lives that have been blessed beacuse of it.

    Comment #45 by ModdyFebruary 21st, 2010 at 5:38 pm

46. Wiz–I’m also a VT supervisor and with the reporting I’ve taken the approach that if they have an actual verbal, 2-way conversation, then it is a phone call, if its written (and mostly likely one-sided), then it is a letter, even though most of those reported to me are facebook or email. But those are taking the place of written letters in general. What I struggle with is when they tell me that they talked for an hour at church–is it a visit or a phone call, or shouldn’t be counted at all? It certainly seems like it is better than if they never talk, right?

    Comment #46 by KimFebruary 21st, 2010 at 6:00 pm

47. Oh, and my story–I haven’t had a lot of great VTing moments, and totally know where Melinda is coming from. One of my current VTee’s has had a lot of health problems this year and I found out a couple months into it all through other people in the ward who had been asked to help them. Still a little frustrated that I wasn’t called, but apparently the family wanted to keep it all quiet and I hadn’t built a relationship with her that warrented me being told anything.

    But I did have two circumstances that I think were inspired, one when I was single and the girl and I had each had a pretty traumatic break up recently and we were able to help each other through the next year because we were truly empathetic (and the fun part was that we both eventually married these boys and are all still good friends!) The other was when I was pregnant with my first baby and totally sick and found out that I had just been assigned to visit another woman who was due just a couple weeks away from me and having the same pregnancy issues. Once again, I was able to have true empathy for her (and she did the same for me) and really feel like we connected. Our daughters were born 8 days apart, we became great friends, and then had our boys just a couple weeks apart 2.5 years later, so we got to suffer through another pregnancy together.

    I feel like me favorite VTing experiences are a little on the selfish side because both those women did as much for me as I did for them. It certainly gives me a testimony that we will be blessed when we serve.

    Comment #47 by KimFebruary 21st, 2010 at 6:09 pm

48. Well, I have yet to be visited ONCE by a VT or HT from my ward. I AM inactive, but it has not once happened, not even when I was active for over a year. I even heard that my friend, my Mormon friend, is my HT, but have not once had him even ask if he could come over for that purpose. And no, I’ve not put out a message to members or missionaries that I don’t want a visit. It’s always struck me as strange, and honestly, I am one of those sisters who would actually like to feel part of the fellowship. Dunno.

    Comment #48 by Sundance KidFebruary 21st, 2010 at 7:27 pm

49. I think the most important part of visiting teaching is just consistency. My current visiting teachers have taught me twice in the six months they have been assigned to me. Better than nothing, but would I call if I needed something? Probably not. The two times they did visit they spent more time talking to each other than to me.

    Comment #49 by KellyFebruary 22nd, 2010 at 9:19 am

50. Whenever I have visiting teachers who don’t visit me, I find out who they are, and I call them and schedule the appointment myself. It’s a little embarrassing for them at first, but it doesn’t take long before THEY start making the appointments! Some of my best visiting teachers have ended up being the ones who were originally deadbeats.

    Comment #50 by AllisonFebruary 22nd, 2010 at 11:54 am

51. Visiting teaching and being visit taught is just so uncomfortable for me. I am just so hugely socially awkward I can’t ever imagine asking anyone for help with anything, and I also don’t think I have the skills necessary to perform useful service for anyone else, or the confidence to insist on helping if the recipient is reluctant to accept help. I would worry too much about being pushy. As far as performing useful service, I guess I could actually wash dishes or vacuum, but I just don’t feel competent in most other homemaking skills. For instance, the earlier post regarding cleaning the baseboards- you’re supposed to clean baseboards? Reading about great visiting teachers is inspiring, but is also makes me feel acutely aware of how useless I am in many ways.

    Comment #51 by KimarieFebruary 23rd, 2010 at 9:48 am

52. When I was pregnant with my first, my VTer ended up being the one person who got me through the delivery! She worked at the L&D dept. and had told them to call her as soon as I made an appearance. (I had no idea) So, as I started to really panic, being terrified of needles, in pain, new mom, trying to calm my husband, My Angel in Scrubs swooped in, looked me straight in the eye and said “knock it off, you will be fine!” Then started my IV and had me laughing about the whole ordeal. With my second baby, she was on maternity leave herself, but stopped by to check on me when I went into the hospital. She told me later (4 years later) that she was prompted to come back after she took her own infant home. When she entered the room, it was right after my son was born, and she noticed something was wrong. He was turning blue, and she grabbed him, told me she was giving him his first bath and swooped him out to the Nursery, where she resucitated him, while I was busy puking my guts out from an epidural gone wrong. (the doc was kinda busy with me, and she had no intention of freaking me out!) With my third baby, she came in, and stayed with me through a very scary labor, and ended up breaking my water after 10 hours of hard labor and no dialation. (she knew that I would dialate fast once my water was broken, from previous experiences with me, lol) Once again, she told me to knock it off and focus, that I could do this, that my body knew what to do.
    She was my Visiting Teacher for 5 years, and I can count on one hand the amount of times she set foot in my house. But I knew as sure as the sky is blue that if I needed her, she would be there! I still keep in contact with her, and she is a huge part of our lives, even though she now lives 4 hours away from us. She was bummed to not be there for our number 4 baby, but told me that she figured I had it under control by now!
    She has inspired me more then anyone to pursue the career that I want. She has taught me that it is ok to be human, and to make mistakes is normal, and that forgivness is divine.
    I think what I am trying to say in this rather long diatribe, is that Visiting teaching is more then an opprotunity to share the message each month. It is to teach us to be sisters, and to show each other love! And to know that we are there when needed.

    Comment #52 by KshawFebruary 23rd, 2010 at 10:09 am

53. Kim, to answer your question from a few days ago - IMHO talking for an hour at church is definitely a visit. In our area where some people don’t have cars and distance can be an issue, it is suggested and encouraged. It is a face to face talk. I’d say relatively speaking an hour at church is awesome.

    Comment #53 by jendoopFebruary 24th, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Leave a Reply