By Heather O.
My master bathroom is ugly. It’s always been ugly. It’s “Hey, this house is great, but can we live with that bathroom?” ugly. It started out with paisley wallpaper. Did you get that? PAISLEY WALLPAPER.
There are no words for paisley wallpaper. People who ever ever thought paisley wallpaper was a good idea should burn forever in a hell where everybody wears blue eyeshadow and has to wear gowns with piping hot bowls of hair. (See Wiz’s post below)
A while ago, DH pulled down the wallpaper. What an ordeal. It left the wall scarred and scraped and looking evil. Then the toilet stopped working. Then the toilet paper holder ripped out of the wall. And then the funky light burned out, and we didn’t know how to change it (and didn’t really bother to figure it out.) We were so burnt out by this bathroom, we basically never went in it. Out of sight, out of mind, you know how it works. Eventually, you stop seeing the ugly in your house, and only when your inlaws come for an extended visit and go, ‘DUDE, what is WRONG with your bathroom?” do you realize how far you’ve come from actual civilization, and that most people who are lucky enough to have a master bathroom don’t spend their time peeing in the bathroom with the duckies on the shower curtain.
So my inlaws fixed the toilet and the light and the toilet paper holder thingie, and suddenly it was like we had a normal (almost!) room again. The only thing it needed was a coat of paint.
I braved that ordeal this month, working little by little, a half an hour here, an hour here, after the kids went to bed, to gradually get it done. Well, the inlaws are coming for another visit, and I wanted it to look nice. After all, they’ve restored this room from home improvement death. So, I made the final push tonight, working well past my self-imposed hour limit to get as much as humanly possible done. I knew it wouldn’t be completely finished, as there are some high ceiling parts that DH has to do, but I wanted it to at least look fresh and fun and new. With a new shower curtain, some new towels, maybe a little planty decor, it could be a real bathroom (almost!).
I started at 9:30. At 10:30, I told myself I’d stop at 11:00. At 11:30, I told myself I’d stop at midnight. At midnight, I told myself I’d just do one more trim.
At 12:15, as I stepped back to admire my work, I kicked over the three quarter’s full open can of paint.
Did you get that? Let me repeat. I KICKED OVER THE CAN OF PAINT AND SPILLED ALMOST ALL OF IT ALL OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR. And yes, it was a gallon, thanks for asking.
I should have stopped at 11:30.
So now instead of a nice happy (almost!) finished room, I have a big giant puddle of paint and in laws who are coming in 2 days. The good news is that it spilled on nasty linoleum, and if it doesn’t peel off, we’ll just have to replace that nasty linoleum, which isn’t too expensive and needs to be done anyways. The bad news is that I have a 2 year old who thinks paint is lots of fun. She already made her mark on the walls when she wandered in there after her bath while I was getting her diapers, and, with the walls almost completely dry, took her little finger nails and scraped big gouges in the paint.
It was the first time the child has been spanked.
And if she can do that with walls that are only slightly tacky, what on EARTH would she do with a big wet puddle?
Seriously, somebody please come and take charge of my life. I’m clearly not up to the challenge. And while you’re at it, could you take a blowtorch to the bathroom please? Thanks.
I’d post pictures, but I can’t find my camera. Because I’m a dork.
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