By The Wiz
Is there a secret, underground society that teaches mothers how to put together cutesy little valentine’s bags to hand out at school? Did I miss a memo? What happened to the giving out of valentine cards, and JUST cards? When I was young, I remember looking at all the different types of valentine’s, and loving the characters, and just the fun of getting 25 different cards at school, and then your teacher would give everyone a box of conversation hearts, and you’d sit at lunch and trade those around based on the phrasing on each heart, and try to sneak the boy you had a crush on a particularly naughty heart, like ‘love ya’ (but don’t let him know it’s from you!) and valentine’s day was a blast!
Today, my children get so much candy, you’d think it was Halloween, except they didn’t work for it. And, not a single box of conversation hearts to be found! No, I look for them every year, because, on principle (yes, I have very strange principles), Necco wafer candy conversation hearts are the official candy of St. Valentine. And so I want to give those out to the people in the various classes, because I understand that ‘bad Mommy’ points are given out to moms who send their kids to school with just a card for their classmates. Candy must be involved somehow, or, you, like, get impeached or somehting. I’m not really clear on the punishment, but I’m sure it’s very bad for both parent and child.
Anyway, this year, those hearts were nowhere to be found! I finally found some that I thought were authentic, and then I got them home, and they were like ‘extra tart’ or something, and yes, they had phrasing on them, but they were nasty! NOT THE FLAVOR OF VALENTINE’S DAY AT ALL. My kids did not understand my disappointment. Candy is candy.
Also, I am paying money to send my child to ballet class, to be taught ballet, only to be told that Thursday (the 9th! A full five days before Valentine’s!) is a Valentine party day, so please bring a treat to class for everyone in the class! I pay money for the privilege of having my child get loaded up on sugar an hour before dinner, and I also pay to hear the joyous fight in the backseat as my 5 year old tries to keep Toddler-Man from stealing all her candy. After all, she has tons, and he has none. I can see his point.
“When YOU take ballet, then you can have candy.”
“MINE!! WANT SOME!!”
“NO! You didn’t go to ballet today!”
“Honey, that logic’s not working on him, let me hide the candy up front until we get home?”
“But my teacher said I could eat it in the car!”
“MINE!! WANT SOME!”
“Stop pulling your sister’s hair!”
Do you feel the love? Same argument, essentially, on Sunday, only this time it’s in Sacrament meeting because some Primary leaders felt it would be fun to hand out a Valentine treat at the end of sharing time. Except Toddler-Man doesn’t go to sharing time, due to the fact that he’s a toddler, and hair is flying all over the pews in Sacrament Meeting as we try to look like a loving family who never invites the spirirt of contention.
My 5 yo (just turned! I can’t stand it!) received her third bag full of candy Monday at preschool. The day before Valentine’s day. She is so excited for Valentine’s because maybe she’ll get more candy! She is wrong. There will be no more candy forthcoming.
My 6 yo is excited to get treats in school today, which is OK with me because it’s actually on the holiday. But she will be handing out suckers taped to a card. (I could not bring myself to send those nasty, fake, trying-to-be-the-real-thing conversation hearts). I know she will come home, and her valentine box will be filled with bags filled with candy, tied with raffia and ribbon, and beautifully prepared by mothers who didn’t miss the memo. I know there will be fights as she tries to hide them from Toddler-Man, whose candy radar is so keen he can sense it a mile away. I know there will be sugar induced tantrums, and I know I will be throwing out candy after everyone’s asleep. Or…maybe I’ll just eat it.
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