By Heather O.
Did you that they changed the rating for The King’s Speech?. It’s now rated PG13. It’s like the universe bowed to my will. I love it when that happens.
Did you know that when you get tendonitis in your hamstring and don’t run for almost 3 months, your boobs get bigger? It makes me wonder if I should have quit running a LONG time ago.
Did you know that after you clean all the carpet in your house, it takes less than 12 hours for a child to spill pink lemonade on it? And lest you think I wasn’t paying close attention, let me just say that I did not foresee that she would pick up her cup of pink lemonade, and start dancing and twirling with it in her hand.
Did you know that if your dog growls and snaps at your neighbors dog, the neighbor is less likely to accept your invitation to have her children come to your house for rootbeer floats? If only Maggie had licked her toes instead.
Did you know that if you eat enough Lucky Charms, they will turn your poop green? And that if the pooper is a 3 year old, she will be both fascinated and terrified?
Did you know that left to their own devices, 9 year old boys will neglect any and all aspects of personal hygiene and find it offensive when their mothers tell them that wearing the same filthy shirt for the 3rd day in row is not okay? Plus, 9 year old boys are stinky.
Did you know that they make something called “caffeine milk?” I was informed of this when I caught my 3 year old sneaking a sip from her dad’s Diet Coke can and asked her what she was drinking. She also informed me that you can buy caffeine milk at the store and that it’s good for your body.
Did you know that the book 1000 Places To See Before You Die is a total boondoggle? I was looking in there for little known places in Israel we could see, and there was listed not one, but two hotels. Yeah, Masada, the old city, Bethlehem (although as of the printing, they said it’s off limits, and yeah, we’re not going there either), the Dead Sea, blah, blah, blah, but these HOTELS are AWESOME and TOTALLY worth the SPLURGE! So if you’re dying, be sure to get a spa treatment at the Hilton by the Dead Sea. I hear their salt scrubs are awesome. The rest of the book is full of details about hotels too, and the cynical part of me wonders if they made a deal with hotels.com to get published. Or maybe they think if you’re about to die, you’d at least like some fluffy pillows and some maid service.
(Do you have to tip if you’re on your death bed?)
(Too many jokes about death? Sorry. They started it.)
These PSA brought to you by the numbers 13, 1000, and a B cup.
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