By The Wiz
1. Gum, like toothpaste, should only be MINT flavored. All things berry, watermelon, “changing flavors”, cheesecake?, are an abomination and should be destroyed. I will make the occasional exception for cinnamon, ony because my mother likes it. MINT, with the occasional cinnamon. The end. This is non-negotiable.
2. 5 a.m. is not a time of day that anyone should be awake doing anything. Unless you have to work, (and I feel your pain) you should be asleep. This is also non-negotiable, and applies to anyone of any age, from newborn to elderly.
3. Facebook needs to stop showing me posts people make to groups that don’t include me. I like my friends and family, but I do not need to see my cousin’s post to anti-mormon pages, or my friend’s thoughts on organically feeding her sugar gliders. I also do not need to see if somebody commented on a status of somebody I don’t know. If there is a way to hide these posts, I would like to know. Why facebook feels the need to show me these things, I have no idea. It must increase ad revenue somehow. This is more of a complaint than a deeply felt belief, actually.
4. The main point of vacation is to make you realize how much you like your own house and your own bed.
5. Camping is just pretending you’re homeless. The point of it? See #4. Also, it’s not fun.
6.Every neighborhood has to have one “crazy” neighbor. I thought I had avoided it, moving away from the palm queen and all, but no. We have a very litigious neighbor who likes to sue people over storage space in garages. To quote Dave Barry: I am not making this up. I guess every neighborhood has one.
7. Yard services are always worth every penny.
8. Ditto to maid services. Unfortunately, I don’t have that many pennies.
9. Science fair projects are an abomination and need to go the way of the “key lime pie” gum. Bye bye now.
10. Having your kids get older is awesome in many many ways. However, it does not result in “less busy” as much as I thought it would. It does, however, result in “more checks written.”
Do you have any deeply felt beliefs?
My husband hates mint. He was ecstatic when I discovered orange-flavored toothpaste at the store.
Comment #1 by kaduseyAugust 14th, 2012 at 12:20 pmLove the list. I agree with all of it except I’m not sure who our crazy neighbor is yet and hope we just don’t have one somehow. And I wish I had enough pennies for #7 and 8 cuz Amen to that! Good to see you on here again!
Comment #2 by StarababaAugust 14th, 2012 at 1:31 pmI’m with you on 2-10, but love crazy flavored gum. If I can chew a 5 calorie piece of Ke Lime gum that saves me about a million calories from having real pie; toothpaste should always be mint, though.
Comment #3 by AmberAugust 14th, 2012 at 1:32 pm1. Navy and black don’t go together.
Comment #4 by StrollerbladerAugust 15th, 2012 at 9:49 am2. Socks should be worn right-side out. Both of them.
3. It is a sin to live close to Lake Tahoe and not spend time there every week during the summer.
4. Year-round school sucks.
5. I will never, ever enjoy running or have the desire to run.
Ayyyy-men! Also:
1. Children’s feet should not outgrow their shoes before a 10-12 month period after new shoes are bought.
Comment #5 by SallyGirlAugust 15th, 2012 at 9:58 pm2. Children’s tranquilizers should be available otc and very inexpensively.
3. Underwear should be like ovens if you have boys. Self cleaning.
4. Coke should be our national drink and deserves its own holiday.
We have a litigious neighbor too. They currently have filed a 125K lawsuit against the neighbors on the other side of them because the wife took a wrong step and fell in the neighbor’s yard and broke her ankle, requiring surgery. They previously threatened to sue another neighbor (sent the legal letter and everything) because her kids walked on their grass. I may not be walking on the grass, but I sure am walking on eggshells!
Comment #6 by eljeeAugust 17th, 2012 at 6:40 amToilets which flush automatically should be done away with. I’d like to determine when I am done and how many flushes I need (especially useful for those wretched low-flow toilets).
Comment #7 by ErinAugust 17th, 2012 at 9:42 amBoredom is way underrated.
Comment #8 by Bruce H.September 23rd, 2012 at 1:26 pmHaving your children get older only results in much more busy- not less. That is until they can drive and then you’ve got a whole other problem!
Comment #9 by DebSeptember 26th, 2012 at 3:15 pm