By The Wiz
1. Gum, like toothpaste, should only be MINT flavored. All things berry, watermelon, “changing flavors”, cheesecake?, are an abomination and should be destroyed. I will make the occasional exception for cinnamon, ony because my mother likes it. MINT, with the occasional cinnamon. The end. This is non-negotiable.
2. 5 a.m. is not a time of day that anyone should be awake doing anything. Unless you have to work, (and I feel your pain) you should be asleep. This is also non-negotiable, and applies to anyone of any age, from newborn to elderly.
3. Facebook needs to stop showing me posts people make to groups that don’t include me. I like my friends and family, but I do not need to see my cousin’s post to anti-mormon pages, or my friend’s thoughts on organically feeding her sugar gliders. I also do not need to see if somebody commented on a status of somebody I don’t know. If there is a way to hide these posts, I would like to know. Why facebook feels the need to show me these things, I have no idea. It must increase ad revenue somehow. This is more of a complaint than a deeply felt belief, actually.
4. The main point of vacation is to make you realize how much you like your own house and your own bed.
5. Camping is just pretending you’re homeless. The point of it? See #4. Also, it’s not fun.
6.Every neighborhood has to have one “crazy” neighbor. I thought I had avoided it, moving away from the palm queen and all, but no. We have a very litigious neighbor who likes to sue people over storage space in garages. To quote Dave Barry: I am not making this up. I guess every neighborhood has one.
7. Yard services are always worth every penny.
8. Ditto to maid services. Unfortunately, I don’t have that many pennies.
9. Science fair projects are an abomination and need to go the way of the “key lime pie” gum. Bye bye now.
10. Having your kids get older is awesome in many many ways. However, it does not result in “less busy” as much as I thought it would. It does, however, result in “more checks written.”
Do you have any deeply felt beliefs?