By Heather O.
The Segullah retreat was this weekend. Oh my, I don’t think there is another gathering quite like this in the universe, and I’m pretty sure that there is no cooler group of women on the planet. We talked too much, ate too much, and slept too little, and I for one am all the better for it.
But a friend asked me, “What’s going on with Mormon Mommy Wars?”
I don’t have a good answer for that. Most of the original posters have moved on. And all of us have grown older–is it possible to outgrow a blog? The outlet that this blog provided in many ways has been replaced by other social media, and frankly, the kinds of things I needed from doing this, I don’t need anymore. I’m not isolated at home, nursing a newborn. My son is 10, and entering a time in his life where a blog post sent out into cyberspace can’t answer the questions I have about raising him, and his privacy needs are higher, inasmuch as many of his difficulties involve people who can access this blog. It’s one thing to say, “How do I stop my kid from pooping on the carpet?” It’s quite another (as I found out) to blog about how to handle difficulties in the classroom, and social walls he is running up against from time to time. And my daughter enters kindergarten this year, which means that she’s is very much in the same boat.
Which means that I can still blog about ME, but I, too, am facing a transition in my life. No children at home during the day means that I need to take stock of how I want to spend my time during this new chapter. I had one friend say, “Oh, you’ll find ways to spend your time. Work out, shower, go grocery shopping, clean the house, throw in laundry, and before you know it, it’s time to get the kids!” I can appreciate how you can make your days go by that way, and I also am not trying to say that getting through the day that way isn’t perfectly fine, but it’s not what I want to do. I also know me–I’d TELL myself I was going to get up and do the laundry and clean my house and work out, but mostly I’d probably go back to bed, sleep til noon, then fiddlefart/blog/facebook (they have this new game called SongPop, which is super addicting) until I had lost all track of time and scramble to make sure that my kids don’t see me in my pajamas when they get off the bus, and the laundry would still not be done.
No. I have plans. Big plans. Okay, maybe actually kinda medium, maybe baby sized plans, but they are there. They are percolating in the back of my medium sized head. I don’t know where they’ll go, but I like thinking about them. And every single one of them is an excellent excuse for not doing laundry.
So if you are reading this, that means that you probably have MMW on your google reader, which means this popped up and you went, “No WAY, does MMW still exist?” and you came here out of sheer curiosity to make sure we haven’t corpsified ourselves. For that, I thank you. Our readers have meant a lot to us, and MMW has provided me with experiences and relationships that I couldn’t have possibly imagined when The Wiz and I started it lo those many years ago.
(I think it’s been about 8.)
(That’s insane. Who blogs for 8 years?)
(No wonder I have nothing else to say.)
I confess that I have another motive for writing today, beyond just saying “Hi, we’re only mostly dead”. My dear friend Rick Hoyt has a new book coming out, the first one written in his words. There are other books about Rick out there, including Devoted: The Story of a Father’s Love for His Son, which is told from Rick’s father’s point of view, and It’s Only a Mountain, which is their story told by a third party. Those are good books (although I’ll confess to having only read “Devoted”), but this new one is told by Rick himself, a process that I can only imagine was painstakingly slow. But I can’t wait to read the whole thing. And Rick also asked me to include an essay about my experience working for him, along with other essays from people who been associated with Rick over the years, so it will be a nice balance of Rick’s words, and the words from people who love him.
Bottom line, BUY IT. It’s called “One Letter At a Time”, and it’s available for pre-order here. Hopefully there won’t be too many times when somebody mentions when I broke Rick’s nose. Dick mentions it in his book, and another essay mentions it too. Sheesh people, get over it. Like I said before, it’s not like Rick’s nose was perfect to begin with.
(I hope you know that’s sarcasm. Breaking my friend’s nose and watching him hurt the way he did ranks as one of the most horrible moments of my life. FYI.)
And please stick around a little longer to see where MMW goes. It might be nowhere, it might be someplace exciting. I haven’t decided yet, but like I said, I have plans. Baby ones, but as we’ve learned, babies can get pretty freakin’ big.




i miss you here. i catch glimpses of you in comments on mutual facebook friends’ walls,though, so i guess that’ll do for now…
Comment #1 by martaAugust 6th, 2012 at 12:03 pmThis was possibly the first blog I ever started reading. My brother, Ben, sent me a link not long after my 2nd child was born 7 years ago. Glad you’re still around even if posts are not as frequent.
Comment #2 by Mrs. MAugust 6th, 2012 at 12:36 pmI just came over here the other day wondering where you guys had gone off to. Nice to see you’re only “mostly dead.”
Comment #3 by RorieAugust 6th, 2012 at 2:48 pmOnly mostly dead is still a little bit alive.
Comment #4 by kaduseyAugust 6th, 2012 at 3:35 pmYou can’t leave!!!
I check here mostly everyday (because I’m apparently too stupid to know about Google Reader, much less what it is and does) hoping for a new post.
I come here when I need a little break. When I need to laugh, feel like someone else understands, feel uplifted, have something to ponder about, or something to argue out inside my head.
My kids are 13, 11, 9, and 5. They are all in school now (or in 2 weeks, the rest of them will be), and while I don’t need potty-training support, or even adult contact as much as I did in those young years, I still need to connect with other women; to have stimulating discussions; to laugh; to share. It’s rare that I get to have face-to-face, or even phone-to-phone conversations these days, and while I don’t need them in the same desperate way I did when I had preschoolers, I still need them. There is also a bit of anonymity here that you can’t get IRL, which is quite helpful sometimes. And here and Segullah is where I get my nourishment.
If it’s the blog’s title that’s inhibiting you, then change it. If coming up with all the blog posts is what’s getting you, you could open it up for others to post, with you being the moderator, checking them out before they can be posted; an open, but moderated, discussion board.
Comment #5 by StrollerbladerAugust 6th, 2012 at 9:26 pmas one of the few blogs that is straight forward and without ads, I support comment #5. please stay connected. I am rather slow to the blog world and had just located yours. It was so refreshing to find an honest meaningful discussion without self promotion or snarky comments.
Comment #6 by rae keckAugust 6th, 2012 at 9:52 pmAfter thought- small suggestion-look over your links to other blogs again. some of them you might want to drop. just saying
Comment #7 by rae keckAugust 6th, 2012 at 10:02 pmPlease don’t go away! I don’t think I have ever commented here –sorry—but I have read about every post. I like feeling relaxed as I read, able to relate, not fearful of running into another I-thought-this-was-LDS-and-oops-it’s-anti blog post, like Some I Could Mention. Tweak as needed, but please don’t go away—I’ve missed you!!
Comment #8 by debAugust 7th, 2012 at 5:36 amI will cyber-stalk you till the end of time, count on it.
Comment #9 by Sue MAugust 7th, 2012 at 5:46 am“Mostly dead” is still slightly alive, hurrah!
Comment #10 by proud daughter of eveAugust 7th, 2012 at 8:49 amI’m not dead yet!!!!
Comment #11 by whatserbucketAugust 8th, 2012 at 2:40 pmI must second the thought that a look at some of your “links that make me smile” I have followed some of them and question if you really meant to send me to some of the angry, hurtful stuff appearing at some of these spots. they do not make me smile and I don’t think they would you either if you looked at their current content.
Comment #12 by jennifer RubenAugust 30th, 2012 at 6:30 pm