By Heather O.
That’s what my mother used to always ask me whenever we went to the doctor for a checkup. As a kid, we always had to make sure we were wearing clean underwear and clean clothes for the doctor. Not that it really mattered, mind you, since I remember that most of the time in the doctor’s office was spent mostly naked, shivering in that silly little robe they give you. But she always insisted. Maybe she thought the check up would go better if Strawberry Shortcake smelled like ‘Tide’.
As an adult, well, I can see her point. I am meeting with a new doctor today, and this morning I found myself picking out my outfit very carefully. What will make me look good? Not the sexiest, not the cutest, not the prettiest, but the healthiest.
No rummaging through the laundry pile for something slightly rumpled today, boy. We are pulling out the big guns–clean underwear, clean jeans, and a black T-shirt, because DH always says I look good in black.
No wet-head out of the shower look today, chicadee. Freshly showered, dry, smooth hair will clearly show my doctor I am in tip top shape.
No stubble on the legs this morning, girlies. Freshly shaved legs with sweet smelling lotion smeared on them to add that extra softness will obviously demonstrate my physical prowess.
No deathly pale face and circles under my eyes this a.m., my loves. Mascara and blush and just the right amount of eyeshadow will cause my doctor to jump up and down on Oprah’s couch and shout, “I love this woman!”
Ok, um, maybe not. And if he did that, my secret Super “I’m looking good, so I must be healthy” Power Glow would fade because I would be running, screaming, from the room as my doctor channeled Tom Cruise’s spirit and tried to get me to drive a plane with a bad Irish accent while he called me Suri.
Besides, I’m sure I would look bad doing that. And that certainly wouldn’t be healthy.
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