By The Wiz
My kid loves the remote. I know, you’re all shocked at the individual he is, since I’m sure NONE of your kids love the remote. He’s very unique in this.
Well, the other day, DH and I turned on the TV only to discover that we had, in fact, purchased two pay-per-view movies. One of them was ending right then, and I cannot for the life of me tell you what it was. It involved asian actors and had the words “Family Reunion” in the title. That’s all I can tell you, but apparently I paid $3.99 for the privilege of watching two minutes of “What is this? What else is on? Wait! Did you BUY this movie? What is it again?”
So we went on the search to see what else he had bought. All pornographic stuff is completely blocked, so we knew we didn’t have to worry about that, but hey, maybe he bought a fun movie, right? Something we actually wanted to see? No such luck. He had in fact purchased a movie starring “Larry the Cable Guy.” I didn’t know Larry made a movie. I wish he hadn’t.
I sat and watched the whole thing. I’m not sure why, something in me was saying “I paid for this, I need to see it.” Another part of me was saying “You know, you don’t have to sit through this, paid for or not.” But apparently, the frugal part of me won, because I have now seen the movie. And I am a poorer person because of it. It has now earned my title of Worst Movie Ever.
Previously, that distinction belonged to Dumb and Dumber, a movie a date took me to, (it’s important that you all know I would never have gone to see that on purpose) and a movie that I still retch when I think about. Larry is right up there with that. Every time I watch “Cars”, I’m going to have to do mental exercises to block out the mental image of Larry having flatulence issues.
At least I didn’t buy it on purpose. But I know the people at the cable company are mocking me, even as they charge me money for the 90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
The moral of this story is twofold: “Whoever has the remote has the power” and “Even if you paid for a movie, you can still leave it alone and keep your dignity in intact.”
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