By Tracy M
Help! Cheryl got so much good advice on the biting, I too will bring my problem before you and beg your mighty mama minds to help me!
Since the weather has changed, and we are floating away in the ark-bound northwest, my boys are now house-monkeys. Yes, I suppose I could still throw a life-jacket on them and toss them in the backyard, but somehow I think CPS wouldn’t agree on that being a fine idea. Sooo….
They are fighting like little maniacs. Constantly. Constantly. Constantly. If I turn my back for two seconds to do a chore, get dressed, make myself some breakfast, feed Abby, they are at each others’ throats. Beanie even bit the snockers out of Jeff the other day, leaving a large purple welt on his belly and a perfect set of teethmarks as a souvenir. It’s bad.
So what’s a mama to do? This is one of the perrils of having kids so close in age, I think, but it’s also not OK with me- so I ask any more experienced moms out there: Short of duct-taping them in the corner, what can I do to restore harmony to our home?
Now I must go be Mama, as they are at it again…. (it’s gonna be a looooong winter)
Do the story of Abraham and Lot deciding to separate when their servants kept fighting. Explain that you will have the same policy in your home–fighting children are not allowed in the same room. We’ve gotten to the point where all I have to say is, “Abraham and Lot time–Simon green room, Nathan red room.”
I do think a lot of fighting is boredom. I know it is hard to keep kids entertained!
Another thing to consider is to make the fighting acceptable if it is just for play and not in anger. In our family, that might mean inflatable swords.
Good luck.
Comment #1 by Julie M. SmithNovember 7th, 2006 at 2:43 pmTracy, I feel your pain. My two kids are 19 months apart and we deal with this weekly. I second the advice from Julie - I am a big fan of separate and conquer. It’s kind of a modified time out - like, you are both going to stay in your respective rooms until you can exist together in the SAME room. Maybe that takes 15 minutes, maybe 2 hours.
And I know this is hard with multiple kids, but try GOING somewhere. Is there a mall near you with a playplace? Childrens museum?
Last resort, fill up your bathtup with bubbles and toys and dump them in. That can kill at least an hour if you keep adding warm water…
Good luck - you’ll survive. You’re Tracy M!
Comment #2 by chloeNovember 7th, 2006 at 4:08 pmMy brother was tired of his two boys fighting, and he finally said, “If you fight one more time, you are going to have to spend the whole rest of the day TOGETHER!” He was forced to carry out his threat, and he said they ended up in one boy’s room playing beautifully the rest of the afternoon. Just an idea…
Comment #3 by jbnNovember 7th, 2006 at 4:52 pmDh’s solution? Tie them together with only 4 feet of rope to seperate them and make them spend a day like that. Usually better for older kids though.
Comment #4 by mo mommyNovember 7th, 2006 at 7:46 pmMy solution? I dunno, the duct tape sounds pretty good…
My kids’ daily behavior chart has a spot for “being a peacemaker.” So I can remind them that they need to earn their peacemaker sticker. I can’t say this prevents all fights, but sometimes it helps. Good luck!
Comment #5 by AnaNovember 7th, 2006 at 8:22 pmTalk to the RS about forming a “projects group/play group” for the “mothers” in the ward. Ours during the winter stake out the cultral hall and add balls so the kids run themselves crazy. Sometimes one of us will get up and make the kids run especially hard. Seems to work. I’m lucky enough to have the code to get into the building when I need it. oooooooo the big hall… lots of room to run.
On a side note want to start another business. It’s genius. JW Tumbles. They have a huge gym with climing walls, mats, tunnels, pits with sponges.. etc. They hold gymnastics classes there and then in the afternoons from 12-3 is open gym if you’re a member. the kids get to go run and romp for 3 hours while you sit and watch. Sooo much fun. $140 bucks well spent. We start in January.
Comment #6 by NestleNovember 8th, 2006 at 2:21 amHistorically, nothing unites warring factions better than a common enemy. I’m not quite sure who to make the common enemy here or how, but maybe giving them a united goal would help. I also find that turning into some sort of game helps if they are competative. Maybe a treasure hunt in which the prize, if found, is they get to unite and torture (tickle?) Dad for some period of time. Or maybe another game where they can compete head to head, although that may lead to more conflict.
Just a thought.
Comment #7 by jamisueNovember 8th, 2006 at 9:56 amI think the main thing to do is to keep YOUR cool. The boredom observation is definitely what is wrong with MY kids when this happens. If they get a rile out of you, they’ve won and they won’t stop. Take a minute to read to them, draw with them or play playdough with them. Then explain that they have to do it by themselves for a little while so that you can go wash dishes or eat or shower… whatever. Let them know you’ll be back to check on them in a little bit.
Shower them with praise when they behave appropriately and then when they don’t, remove them from the situtaion (we have a corner they have to sit in - well, 2 corners) and explain why they are there.
Seriously, Super Nanny knows what she’s talking about with that one. It has worked wonders. My 6yo gets sent to the corner long enough to think about what he’s done. My 4yo hasn’t been there for awhile. And my 2yo just needs the threat of the “naughty corner” to keep her deterred.
Dont’ know if any of that will help, but that’s what we do in our house.
On a side note - my sister told me about an FHE lesson that her friend did with her boys that I ended up doing. The object was that the boys are brothers and will be for forever, no matter what. They can’t always count on their friends sticking around but they should always be able to count on their brothers. She tied them together in a line (with leeway of course) and sent them on a scavenger hunt. The object was they had to work together to answer the clues and get to the prize. We did this with our boys and the motto became “No brother gets left behind”. Could be fun for your kids too.
Comment #8 by NatalieNovember 8th, 2006 at 10:05 amI too have the same problem. I dread when winter comes! My boys act like wild maniacs running all over my house. I have found that separating them for a time works well for everyone, sort of like a time-out, nap time. But I most recently have started putting my kids to work with me. I give them jobs to do around the house, like dusting, cleaning windows, vacumming etc. Sure these things are not going to be done perfectly, but my boys love helping. My one boy especially loves vacumming and cooking. I could give him the vacumm and he is occupied for an hour! And he loves to help in the kitchen. And dinnertime is the most chaotic time for us. After jobs are done, we then play games together.
Comment #9 by idahoNovember 8th, 2006 at 11:15 amThis summer I made my boys clean the inside of my car once a week. One would vacumm and the other cleaned the windows and dusted. It was great! They learned to work together and help one another. Now that it is getting colder, this isn’t an option, so I have recently been going to garage sales looking for an old dresser that they could sand in the garage as a project. I figure when they get rowdy in my house they can go out to the garage and sand “to their hearts content”! This also teaches them to work together. When the dresser is sanded we will paint it and do something with it!!
Don’t know if that will help you, but it has worked for me.
Where in Idaho?
Comment #10 by Susan SNovember 8th, 2006 at 11:19 pm–an Idaho girl
Ooh, oooh! I’d love to know, too, since I grew up in Idaho as well…
Comment #11 by CherylNovember 9th, 2006 at 10:07 amWendell!
Comment #12 by idahoNovember 9th, 2006 at 11:47 amI grew up in California, but moved to Wendell 5 years ago. Quite the culture shock for me!
And you?
My kids are 24 months apart. They went through a fighting phase (at 6.5 & 4.5–probably later than typical because the younger one’s delays made him less interactive). Then I had to figure out who did what and who needed punishment. It was impossible. I read a magazine article about how you can’t really referee your children all the time and they really shouldn’t have to come to you to fix all their problems either. They should learn to work things out themselves and develop problem solving skills.
Comment #13 by JKSNovember 9th, 2006 at 1:57 pmSo, I started putting them both in time out each and every time they were fighting.
The fighting stopped. It is 2.5 years later and they don’t fight a lot. Occasionally I hear something and I come in and ask, “Are you done fighting or do you need to go in timeout?” They immediately say they are done fighting.