By Tracy M
Sometimes all I want is to get away from my children. Don’t get me wrong, I would lie down in front of a freight train for all of them- but some days, I just simply want a break. Every mom of young kids knows this feeling.
Today, as I was trying to go pee (sorry if that’s too graphic, but hey, we talk about poop all the time) and into the bathroom first came Beanie, then my kindergartner trailed, then my husband followed, to see “what I was doing”, and he was holding the baby. Gee, Hon, what’s it look like I’m doing?? Could ya’ll just go away for about 2 minutes?? Pleeeeeease? Five of us in the bathroom, mom sitting on the potty. Cool.
Then, later, I was in the shower. Ahhhhhh. Alone at last. Night showers are a nice thing- I like them. So I am soaped up, shampooing my hair, water as hot as I can stand it, and when I open my eyes, Beanie is sitting on a stool, staring in the shower door.
Startled, I ask “What are you doing in here?” and begin to rinse the suds from my tangled hair. (and where is your dad, I think…)
“Hi mama!” he chirps, and sets his chin on his hands resting upon his knees. “I wanna shower, too, mama!” *Sigh*.
“Beanie, go find dad, please. You can have a shower later. Mama will be out in a minute…” (I’m gonna strangle DH…)
Closing my eyes, I being the arduous task of untangling my curly hair, helped with gobs of conditioner. A breeze fills the shower, disturbing my concentration.
“Hi Mama!” I jump, as now Beanie is naked and IN the shower with me. “I’m takin a shower with you, MAMA!” (Why yes, son. So you are. *sigh* And your father will be sleeping on the couch tonight.)
Just a few minutes. Just some sanity saving alone time. Just…just…just…just a minute, I’ll be right there! (*sigh*)
So what do you do to get your sanity? How do you carve out a few precious moments for yourself, all that you need some days to make the difference between being an awesome mom, and being coat hanger mom?




tracy m….so been there. Especially the bathroom or in the kitchen. WHY MUST ALL FOUR OF US BE IN THIS 5 SQUARE FEET OF SPACE ALL AT ONCE?
When DH wants to shower with me I often deny him b/c I just want 3 minutes of alone time…just 3 minutes PLEASE.
So, how do I carve out the precious moments…1. I ask for quiet from my constantly talking 4-year-old. She is not too little to understand. The other day she was yakking and I said: “Honey, I just need some quiet, you know how mommy sometimes gets…” She interrupted me and said in a rolling eyes tone: “I know, I know” and shut it off for a few minutes. Ah sweet relief.
2. Mostly I get the me time from working. I do not work a 40-hour-a-week job, just jobs here and there, and it helps me to find me again, have some quiet time to read (at lunch breaks or during the commute), and just be that individual that I was born as…not me with two kids attached to my legs.
3. I also got tivo. This helps because I am not a slave to my tv, it is MY SLAVE. Instead of having to sit there and watch when the show is on, I can put my kids to bed, and have some me time-blogging, editing videos/photos, emailing friends, making a phone call, or having a conversation (or something else) with my DH, and THEN get to my ever-important program. Or I can delete them, which is a nice feeling sometimes.
4. Lately I have been walking as exercise. I push the stroller with my baby in it, but it is a half hour of being alone with my thoughts and taking care of my body…and this is the best use of my time. Thanks Tracy M!
Comment #1 by KageNovember 10th, 2006 at 8:15 amI give myself time-outs. My three kids know exactly what this means…that unless they want the wrath of mama to be released, they better leave mama alone for a couple of minutes.
And I LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR!!! It is the only way to keep them out. Even if that means that your whole shower or peeing time has a constant rhythm accompaniment while they pound on the door.
Comment #2 by DedeNovember 10th, 2006 at 8:41 amI’m with Dede! LOCK THE BATHROOM DOOR!!!
Comment #3 by NatalieNovember 10th, 2006 at 9:37 amMy kids have figured out that if they want to talk to me they have to do it through the vent (that connects the 2 bathrooms) or the door but they may NOT come in.
If I lay down on my bed (or sit on it) they think it’s time to come and jump on the bed. I tell them that I’m having a time out; which generally is followed with, “what did you do to get there, Mom?” And my response is usually, “I need a time out so I don’t lose my cool and freak out.” What I really want to say is,… well, we all know what I REALLY want to say so I won’t say it.
Anyway. My kids have always been good about going to bed immediately. So when 7:30-8:00 rolls around they’re tucked in and I’m sitting at my scrapbooking table trying to play catch up. Or playing on the computer (except for Thursdays in which I watch tv). Scrapbooking my kids helps me to remember just how cute they really are.
Mandatory nap time. “I don’t care if you’re not tired, I’m tired.” They I shut them in their rooms. on seperate beds and they are not allowed off of them for fear of the mama. On days I’m ready to lose it I have mandatory nap/quiet times. I tell them I don’t care if they don’t sleep but they will be quiet on their own beds. I’ll also stack all the books they have on their beds knowing this will keep them quiet for a while.
Comment #4 by NestleNovember 10th, 2006 at 11:02 amWhat a great post! I am a MUCH better mom when I carve out some time every day for myself. Before my husband got a promotion, it wasn’t as difficult because he was around more. Now, he works long hours so I joined our local gym and send the kids to a blessed thing called “CHILD WATCH.” It’s glorious.
Also, to have a break from my toddler and spend time with my newborn, I swap off with another gal every week to watch each other’s toddlers. It saves on preschool costs and my daughter gets the interaction she deserves!
Comment #5 by AmberNovember 10th, 2006 at 11:15 amYep, mandatory nap times. It’s quiet time, and they know they have to stay in their places and play quietly or nap (the younger one still does). This is what saves my sanity.
I also go to the gym and put the kids in the child care there, which they love. But I’m not sure it counts as “alone time”–I do feel good afterwards, but it’s not exactly restful for me to be in the gym. It’s too loud and distracting and full of buff college girls to count as being alone.
Comment #6 by dangermomNovember 10th, 2006 at 1:44 pmI don’t let the kids in the bathroom with me. It is my sanctuary (especially the tub…put on a movie, throw some m&m’s at the big kids and voila…).
I have mandatory quiet time in the afternoon for the non nappers and naps for the little ones. No one is allowed to talk to me from 1:00 - 3:00, unless they are bleeding. No exceptions. They know I mean it and the minue they start to pester means they have to go to their room and stay THERE…it is much more fun for them to have the run of the house…
It is a struggle for sure……
Comment #7 by bekNovember 10th, 2006 at 3:04 pmI have a friend who takes a mommy vacation from family every year. My wife hasn’t asked for it yet, but I’ve always thought it was a cool idea.
Also, my wife works two days a week for sanity time.It isn’t really alone time, but it gives her a chance to work with other grown ups and to sing (she’s a voice teacher) which is her “one special thing”.
We’re about to have our second kid and she is planning on quitting to do that. Maybe we should reconsider…
Comment #8 by Matt W.November 10th, 2006 at 3:57 pmyeah, so what about when DH unlockes the door from the outside with the little dilly on the top of the door frame…then proceeds to ask “why did you lock the door?” Ummmm…yeah, cause I didn’t want any privacy…yeah that’s it……. GRRRRRRRRR
Comment #9 by AprilNovember 10th, 2006 at 5:32 pmTracy, this whole week I have been trying to figure out who I could give my kids to for a day. My 20 m.o. mutters, “Bonkers, bonkers…” when he sees me because he’s heard me saying it so often.
Lucky me, they both conked out this afternoon. Finally a chance to catch up on some journal writing and scripture reading. And hopefully the stacks of dirty dishes, laundry (clean AND dirty), and stuff everywhere. Oh, and the bathroom needs to get hosed out.
Actually, for sanity, I go to the YMCA. A family membership here includes kid watch for 2 hours a day as long as the parent who drops them off is in the YMCA. Sometimes I take the boys to kidwatch, sit in the women’s locker room, and read. It doesn’t say I have to be working out! When I do work out, it feels great, especially when it’s done.
I also have a babysitter come EVERY week for an hour or two. If I stay home to do things, he plays with the boys. If I decide to run errands, he’s here to take care of them. That helps me a lot, too.
Comment #10 by Mrs MNovember 10th, 2006 at 5:59 pmWasn’t there a post awhile back (I can’t remember if it was here or elsewhere) about a little kid announcing their intention to use the bathroom in some public setting, and the realization that the kid learned it from the mom. I think this might be why moms announce that they’re going to the bathroom- to prevent the peanut gallery from following them in (and unlocking the door!) to see what they’re doing.
As it is my little one couldn’t care less when I disappear to use the bathroom. The cat on the other hand has this weird fascination with toilets and waits at the door to bolt in and watch the water run once I open the door. I have to toss him out and shut the door on him fast every time.
Comment #11 by StarfoxyNovember 10th, 2006 at 7:05 pmI really need alone time to stay sane. Lately I haven’t had much so I have felt smothered a bit. Some things that work around here are that our kids go to bed early (between 7 and 8 if all goes well), so at least our evenings before we go to bed are usually kid-free. Sometimes I use that time to go to the library and just read magazines and slowly stroll the aisles for books. Other times I go walk around Target, blissfully quiet with no one to chase around.
I am never alone in the bathroom either. I didn’t beleive women who said that having kids meant no alone bathroom time. Now I do!
Comment #12 by MaryNovember 10th, 2006 at 9:09 pmI agree with the above commentors on LOCKING the door. My kids are starting to understand and use the term “privacy”, so very important. I need to be alone as well, and though I LOVE the idea of a mommy vacation, I have yet to have one. Hopefully soon, I need one! A few hours here and there just isn’t cutting it anymore…..
Comment #13 by JessicaNovember 11th, 2006 at 12:37 amRemember the joke about Biblical scholars proving that Jesus was really a woman? The proof:
1. He had to feed a crowd, at a moment’s notice, when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
And yet, he *was* able to go off by himself in the wilderness for 40 days, so he couldn’t have been a mother.
You must absolutely find a way to lock that bathroom door. Re April #9 - You obviously need to invest in a more sophisticated bathroom lock.
Comment #14 by madhousewifeNovember 11th, 2006 at 3:25 pmI think ALL moms can relate! I’m really feeling that way right now, being sick! Sometimes I want to go stay at a hotel for a night, just by myself, to get a break!
Tracy M- I know how you feel, but it’s so cute when you’re relating it to us! It wouldn’t be as cute if I had to be the one telling it!
Comment #15 by CarrieNovember 11th, 2006 at 5:52 pmLOL! I’m am so there! I never lock doors, …don’t know why, we just don’t. And the minute I’m in the bathroom, so is everyone else. The modesty issue is a non-issue with me, but it sure would be nice to have some time away. I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. Sometimes (rarely) I go for an hour long pedicure and foot massage and just sit there with my eyes closed. I did this the other day. Other times I tell the kids (5 & 7) they have to play quietly in their room because mom is taking a time out (for an hour). I say, “I’m not here right now, so here are your coloring books, etc.” This never gets me an hour, but sometimes I get 20 blissful minutes! My friend at work told me to check into a hotel for the weekend. It’s a cool idea but I’m sure I’d end up hating it after a few hours.
OTOH, I never ever thought I would say this in a million years, but for the past few weeks I’ve just been so burnt out on momhood. Burnt. (Bite my tongue!!!)
Comment #16 by meemsNovember 12th, 2006 at 9:51 amStarfoxy -
You are not wrong, it was here that I was lamenting my daughter’s “announcement” at 2 a.m. and again during the sacrament.
I agree with Kage on the Tivo thing! After working all day and spending as much time with kiddles as possible, the post bed time quiet time is bliss. If I want to go to bed and watch shows, I can. If I want to read, I can. DH knows, he is banished in the bedroom during the 9-10 hour! It’s all mine.
Comment #17 by jamisueNovember 12th, 2006 at 7:16 pmI’m contemplating having a night out each week where dh takes care of kids and I go somewhere by myself. Maybe just to Barnes and Noble to sit and read and drink hot chocolate. But, out of the house where they can’t get to me!
Comment #18 by MichelleNovember 12th, 2006 at 11:35 pmKage has it EXACTLY right: why do we ALL have to be within 5ft of each other at the same time ?!
Comment #19 by blue collar idiotNovember 14th, 2006 at 5:49 pm…for those of you who might not know, blue collar idiot is my lovely and charming husband.
Comment #20 by Tracy MNovember 15th, 2006 at 12:37 amAt least you don’t have a dog in there, too.
Comment #21 by Heather ONovember 15th, 2006 at 11:09 pm[…] Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes (almost everyday) I think, “Next year, when my youngest is in pre-school, I will have six hours a week to myself. So I can do things ALONE.” Things like pee, shower, exercise, work, think, sit naked, join the circus, sky dive, argue with myself, read, and maybe even shop. SHOP. Did you hear the immortal ringing of the cash register when you read that? Did you hear it ringing without any kids yelling, spitting, stealing candy, barfing or lecturing, “NO MOM NO!”? […]
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