By Heather O.
These are based on actual events. Sad, isn’t it. Now you know. My secret is out. I’m rather boring.
Dear Man who owns the Blacksmith/Wood working shop in the mini mall next to my new favorite cafe,
The sign in your window that says, “Beware of Dog” may not be good for business. Perhaps you should consider leaving your wild barking dog who was parked in front of your glass door at home.
Dear Man who was driving behind me yesterday,
Thank you for not honking at me when I failed to move across the intersection when the light was green. The afternoon sun hit my hair in such a way as to highlight some amazingly funky split ends, and I was momentarily mesmorized. I appreciate your kindness.
Sincerely, A woman who is obsessed with splitting her own split ends.
Dear McDonald’s on the way to preschool,
I don’t come here for the food, people, it’s the toys I want to soothe the savage beast in my back seat. When you tell me you don’t have any toys today, I will go to Burger King down the street. For the love of Pete, get some more &^(*$# Happy Meal toys!
Yours, a woman who hates fast food but is sometimes too tired to manage anything else but who will resent you forever if you don’t give her the dang toy.
Dear Telemarketers who are selling vacation packages to your vacation spot,
I live there.
Signed, person who doesn’t understand why her ENTIRE FAMILY hasn’t visited her yet.