By Heather O.
I’m wondering what that is, exactly.
As the holidays approach, and I realize how woefully behind I am in my holiday shopping (seriously, usually I’m done, with the Christmas cards mailed, by December 1st. Hoo-boy, not this year!), I contemplate what to buy my small child, trying to picture what will give him the most delight on Christmas morning. We are not traveling this year, something we haven’t done since I was pregnant with my son, and I’m looking forward to a small celebration with just our family. I’m trying to figure out how to make it special, and well, you know how all of that goes.
But in contemplating what kind of commercially tacky things to give my family, I wonder about the long term aspect of mothering. What, truly, is the greatest gift we can give our children?
Is it love? Is love enough? Maybe, but I’m not sure. I’ve seen a lot of parenting mistakes made in the name of “love”. I’ve also known people who have felt like they needed more from their parents, even while their parents protested, “Well, they know I love them, right?”
I think of my own mother, and some of the gifts she gave her children. She gave us lots of love, for sure, and continues to do so, showering her love on both her children and grandchildren, and spoiling the latter completely rotten. But one gift she gave us (completely unintentionally, she claims) is self confidence and the knowledge that we were capable of accomplishing whatever we chose. I think she gave it to us unconsciously because she herself was a fairly confident woman, or at least was by the time I started having any memories of her. I’m told it was a process, but hey, she got there.
I think of the tools my son will need to survive in the world, and I wonder which ones I can give him now. He will need independence, resilience, and self-confidence to overcome inevitable set-back and failures. He will need education, knowledge, and common sense, and we all know that none of those guarantees the other. And DH says he will need to know how to play the piano so he can woo the babes.
So while I wrap the toys I know will inevitably get broken, forgotten about, or eaten by the dog, I still wonder what else I can give my son that he can take with him, long after the Christmas lights have faded.
Any thoughts?
testing, testing — We lost a couple of comments here, the post freaked out or something _ will post them up again. I think all is well now, though. You should be able to comment.
Comment #1 by The WizNovember 24th, 2006 at 10:07 amComment by Nancy -
I’m a regular visitor to this site but I don’t really comment. I think that the most important gift a mother, or in fact a father, can give to their children is a good example. Love isn’t enough. It is difficult to become a healthy, faithful, fully-functioning adult when your parents have not modeled that. After all, we’re destined to become just like them…
Comment #2 by The WizNovember 24th, 2006 at 10:19 amComment by Naismith -
Heather, all I can say, is “Wow, you are already wrapping presents? How totally organized!” A whole month before Christmas.
I do most of my wrapping on Christmas eve, so I’m in awe.
Comment #3 by The WizNovember 24th, 2006 at 10:20 amWe’ve tried to give our children gifts that will help them develop their talents and at the same time encourage them in something they’re really interested in (that is positive). Like our daughter is barbie obsessed, but its very ballet-oriented, so she gets ballet shoes, etc. Good of you to be thinking along these lines, but don’t get too worried about it, children learn what they choose to learn.
Comment #4 by AlisonNovember 24th, 2006 at 7:22 pmWell, we’re not in a position to give our kids material things, toys and such, but we give them time. That’s what it all boils down to right? Good use of your time. We talk to them, read to them, play with them and remind them they are special at every opportunity.
Comment #5 by mo mommyNovember 24th, 2006 at 9:28 pmI’ve realized recently that they forget about the toy you won’t buy them in a little while, but they remember the time you spent with them forever. Well, maybe not forever, but it sounded more poetic than “A pretty long time, unless they are toddlers, or teenagers”
I think the most important — also hardest — gift to give them is faith. A strong belief in and the abilty to rely on God are some of the most important things to have in life just to get through life!
Comment #6 by Proud Daughter of EveNovember 24th, 2006 at 9:46 pmI posed this question to DH last night , “Do you really remember what you got when you were 6?” I don’t. I remember the carolling, the attention from my parents doing different things together, cutting down the tree, acting out the nativity. To echo Mo Mommy, time. That is something that I know will sit long and hard with my kids. I seem to be pulled so many ways but they relish the times we can sit down together or go somewhere together.
Comment #7 by NatalieNovember 24th, 2006 at 10:14 pmWe have no money for gifts this year and I’m SO excited about that. The kids are actually getting excited about the things we will be doing together as a family.
Perhaps something I have hanging on my wall helps sum up the answer to your question,
“Live so that when your kids hear these words they think of you:
Fairness, integrity, honesty, faith, love, charity, confidence, trust”
The Christmas gifts I remember the most as a child were:
Hand made Barbie furniture my Grandpa made me that no other girl had.
Hand made doll furniture my parents made out of fabric and PVC pipe for our generic “Cabbage Patch Kids” (I think they were Heavenly Kids).
The Japanese Oranges and life savers “books” in our stockings every year.
My parents did not have a lot of money, but they did the best they could to make us happy. I will never forget those small gifts and how excited I was to receive them. Simple things, when given with love, can stay with you forever. What’s great though, is that these gifts also taught me about thrift, not giving into commercialism, thinking about others, planning ahead, and effort.
Of course, the gifts we will ultimately give our children will be taught each and every day –I think Nancy summed it up well (comment #2) when she talked about being a good example…
Comment #8 by CherylNovember 25th, 2006 at 12:00 amI think this one thing sums it all up for me: to help my children know who they are. That includes helping them gain a testimony that they are children of a Heavenly Father that wants them to be happy and is concerned about their lives (a testimony). It also includes helping them to know what their strengths and weaknesses are, so they’ll be prepared to choose a path in life that will work for them.
My husband and I both had no idea what our strengths were until we were about 25, already had three kids and no college degree.
Comment #9 by Susan MNovember 25th, 2006 at 12:19 pmI was very thoughtful about this question, so I posed it to my 21 year old son, who just recently got home off his mission. He told me that what he appreciated most from me was that I always told him I loved him, even when he was doing something I thought was wrong. I always try to end every lecture with I love you no matter what, I just don’t trust what you are doing right now. I hope that that will translate to confidence, love for the Savior, a conscience, etc. Well, I guess we’ll see how that works for me! My next son just turned 18. Too soon he will be going on his mission, and I hope that I have taught him enough skills to survive anything that is thrown at him, whether it is how to iron a shirt, or how to teach someone to love the Lord. Parenting isn’t for wimps!
Comment #10 by Susan PNovember 25th, 2006 at 1:50 pmA relative of mine turned four today. As he unwrapped the lovingly chosen and moderately expensive gift from his mother, he turned to her and said, “Mom, you should have gotten me a laptop.”
Honestly, I think the best thing a child can have is a safe and loving environment where they can grow, make mistakes, and feel valued. Natalie (#7) is right. They don’t remember the gifts, they remember the time that was spent with them, and the gift of Mom’s love and attention.
Comment #11 by ArielNovember 27th, 2006 at 12:42 amI CAN remember specific presents I got when I was a kid of 7 and 8 and 9.
I think all those things are important to give our children as mentioned above (love, a good example, a testimony). But I would definitely add A REALLY GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR to the list. Wow, that’s important. It can get you through sooooo many of life’s hurdles. I despair just a little when I joke around with kids and they look back blankly at me, because their parents never tease them or joke around with them. Man, they’re going to have a hard time (I think).
Comment #12 by ChrissieNovember 29th, 2006 at 5:09 pm