By The Wiz
The Place: The Gap
The Time: Last Night
At first they appeared to be normal jeans, maybe a little grungy in color, but jeans all the same. And then, OH the HORROR!! The flashbacks to junior high! For when the jeans were pulled fully off the rack, we discovered that they had zippers on the bottom! Ankle zippers! My friend and I could not stop laughing, because it was one of those moments where you either laugh or cry, because seriously, who wants to see zippers on the bottom of jeans?
I thought I could escape that dark period in my history - the time when I would zipper my jeans over my boots. That dark time when I would zip those jeans before I tied my shoes, and had no clue that what I was doing was unflattering to pretty much any body type, and seriously grody to the max. Also the evil period known as “pegging”. All pictures were carefully destroyed. Any evidence that I clothed myself hideously does not exist. You can’t prove it.
And now, those jeans mock me. They say “your kids will someday dress themselves horribly and I’m the proof.” Then I can hear them cackling with glee as they continue with “And YOU will have to pay for it, and it won’t be cheap!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” And I see a vision of the future where I will hang my head in shame, hand over the credit card, and tell myself that even if I had saved all the ugly clothes from my past, my kids wouldn’t want to wear it anyway.
Seriously. I say we skip all trends that were ugly the first time around. If “acid wash” starts showing up again, I’m going to, like, seriously, DIE!!! Like, gag me with a spoon.
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