Every kid you have means one less hour of church meetings you have to attend every week to reach the celestial kingdom
Not wearing pantyhose to church means you’ll never get a calling with the youth organization
Completing the scouting program is a test of blind faith, not of manhood
Any home or visiting teaching that happens on the last day of the month gets you closer to hell, not heaven. You are better off just skipping it until next month.
Holding regular family home evening will ensure your children develop an acute case of Monday night narcolepsy
Getting married in the Salt Lake Temple means your marriage has a higher chance of success than if you got married in another temple
When you fail a math class at BYU you have to pay double tithing that month
If you aren’t related to your spouse at least three generations back you probably don’t come from a “strong Mormon family”
Watching Napoleon Dynamite for an hour is equivalent to reading your Book of Mormon for an hour
If you get your picture in the Conference Issue of the Ensign you’re guaranteed to get married within the next 30 days
The fact that you can’t buy a Coke in a temple cafeteria is solid proof that caffeine in any form is against the Word of Wisdom
The Second Coming will be announced over KBYU. Any Mormon foolish enough not to subscribe to this vital channel will be left behind.
Heather O. won’t be officially Mormon until she’s actually eaten cracked wheat for breakfast
WordPress database error: [Can't open file: 'wp_comments.MYI' (errno: 144)]
SELECT * FROM wp_comments WHERE comment_post_ID = '614' AND comment_approved = '1' ORDER BY comment_date