This is it. The waiting game has begun. The only unresolved issue now in my pregnancy is the when and the where. It’s exhausting traveling around town all day having to assess my different tactical plan if my water should happen to break in one of any variety of situations.
If it breaks when I’m in line at the post office I get to skip waiting in the half hour line and go straight to the front. After I mail off my packages, they’ll stick me on a spiffy mail truck and I’ll get a First Class delivery to the hospital.
If it breaks while I’m at the grocery store I’ll have to convince the skeptical stocker that I didn’t simply break a jar of unpurchased merchandise. After twenty minutes of “you break it you buy it” arguments he’ll hear a baby crying and I’ll deliver it behind the deli counter.
If it breaks while I’m at the park all the little kids will start pointing and laughing at the “big kid” who wet her pants. I’ll have a vivid flashback of a similar embarrassing situation at a friends house when I was 10 and go into the fetal position. In the end, the homeless guy who sleeps behind the swing set will pull out his cell phone and call an ambulance to haul me off. Either to the mental ward or delivery room - their choice.
If it breaks when I’m at Ikea I’ll just cross my legs tightly and convince some sucker to push me around on my shopping cart while I finish lusting over cheap, Swedish furniture. Some things just can’t wait.
If it breaks while I’m at the library I’ll take the opportunity to scream at the top of my lungs “MY WATER JUST BROKE!” I’ve always secretly wanted to yell in a silent, crowded library. A gentle librarian would then sweetly take me by the arm and escort me to Parenting section.
If it breaks while I’m at church I probably won’t notice. Usually after the first five minutes of church every Sunday my two year old has managed to spill her drink on me, snot all over my dress and rub peanut butter sandwich all over my calves. What’s a little water breaking?
It could be anywhere.
Where did it happen to you?
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