By Heather O.
This is a guest post by Lacey
Now I love my mom, but this post is just an observation of two things she does.
And the sad fact is, I do them already, too.
I’m the youngest of six kids. At one point we even had a dog. When my mom would get mad at us she would spout off all six names and some times even the dog’s name. They wouldn’t be in any specific order. In fact had they been in order she would have been able to get to the older kids names faster, but for whatever reason she would still go through half to all our names every time. We’d say something smart and then it would be Richard, Suzanne, Oliver, Krista, Marie, Peggy..LACEY. We always teased her about it afterwards, in which she’d remember our name and get it the first time, but even then, not always.
I don’t only call off both names. I get it wrong and then I say, “whatever child you are!…..” My husband doesn’t like this approach. He says I know which child I’m talking to and I should call her by name, even if I get it wrong the first time and am frustrated. Maybe when I get mad at him and can’t decide whether to call him, Daddy, Matt or Matthew, I should call him “Whatever husband you are!” That’ll get my neighbors thinking, especially if they know we’re Mormon.
Now that I’m an adult, my mom and I have different conversations. I always find it funny talking to my mom about what she taught us. I know she taught us a lot, but I think she forgets that there is a vast age difference between us kids, so what she taught one teenager may not have sunk into her 5 or 7 year old. She tells me about things that she taught us kids when we were young, or teenagers. Like she says she talked to us about sex. So I’m 6 years younger than my eldest sister. If she talked to Marie about sex when she was 11 or 12, I was 5 or 6. I don’t really remember those conversations. Or my mom tells me how she tried to teach an older child how to do something, like sewing. The oldest didn’t want to learn how to sew and the next child didn’t want to learn and the next child didn’t want to learn, etc. By the time she got to me she was tired of trying to teach, so I never learned anything!
I wonder if I’ll be that way with my kids. In some ways I see it already. With DD1 we were very careful to make sure she always used her spoon. With DD2 not so much. We’re happy if she just tries to use it. So I get some mornings where applesauce has been eaten by both hands instead of a spoon and is all over the high chair.
Or teaching DD1 to clean up. She was the only one who made the mess so we always made sure she cleaned at least half when she was DD2’s age, or 20 months. Now I’m just happy to get DD2 to pick up one or two things some nights. I find myself cleaning after them more because it’s easier then getting them to clean it up themselves.
The weariness of teaching begins.
Does mommy brain set in after only one child or does it usually take two?




Mommy brain starts when you think about getting pregnant…
I think every mom with multiple children will agree that with each child, the craziness of perfection slackens a little bit. I know it sure did with me, and my oldest is only 5 years old!
But I don’t think it’s just because we’re tired or lazy or whatever –it’s because we realize that some things are NOT life or death. We realize that dirt is not so scary, playing longer than usual is not so bad, a messy room won’t hurt us all, and eating all our vegetables is over-rated. Quite often I find myself wondering why I was so hard on my first child when it came to milestones and progression; why my expectations were so much higher than with my 2nd, 3rd, and even my 4th kid. But I have a strong feeling that this is universal…
Oh, and the name thing? YES! It does get worse. And with each child, there are more names. Not to mention the fact that I go through my siblings names, too…
Comment #1 by CherylMarch 23rd, 2007 at 1:21 pmWhew, Cheryl, I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through my siblings’ names–and not just when I’m mad. Sometimes I’ll call my daughter by my youngest sister’s name…and my youngest sister has a child of her own, so it’s really weird.
Comment #2 by KerynMarch 23rd, 2007 at 3:00 pmThanks for the guest post, Lacey. I call my kids all the wrong names, too, sometimes resorting to Hey You. Bad mom.
Comment #3 by Tracy MMarch 23rd, 2007 at 3:11 pmMy mom (and I sometimes, though I don’t have kids yet - it’s usually my husband’s siblings, there’s so many of them!) always end with “whoever you are” but it’s mostly when we’re calling someone to do something or joking around. When Mom’s mad, she goes through the names until she finds the right one, although I don’t think I’ve ever been called “Oreo” (the dog’s name).
Comment #4 by Erin MarieMarch 23rd, 2007 at 4:38 pmMy mom was pretty good in that she would only go through the names of the same gendered children, and no pets.
Though she does do the ‘call my child by my sibling’s name’ thing, she does it with a pattern– my oldest sister gets called by my mom’s oldest sister’s name and so on. That pattern makes me think it’s similarities in personality between the two that cause the confusion more than anything else.
Comment #5 by StarfoxyMarch 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 pmHey Lacey,
Hello from your (older than you) nice niece! It’s fun to read your guest post here.
I also have problems with the name thing. I switch the names of my hubby and my 1st son all the time when I’m mad at them. Also my hubby and I both have the problem of melding our 2nd and 3rd sons names together when calling to them….so it comes out as either “Aus-Matthew” or “Matth-Austin”. Luckily we don’t have any pets yet!
Your MIL, my grandma, had it even worse because she raised 8 kids, various foster kids, and had at least 5 grandkids live with her at one time or another (including me). I know she still mixes up your DH’s name with my dad’s name; and then with all the J and G names, she was constanly saying: Jon, Glenn, Jason, Justin. Plus, me and my 1st girl cousin have somewhat similar names, so she always called me Tasia and her Shauntae. My own mom calls me by my only sister’s name and vice versa, even though we are 17 years apart!
Wouldn’t it be funny if it happened the other way around? The kids would be like: Hi grandma, I mean Dad, I mean Aunt Sue.”
Comment #6 by mother of the wild boysMarch 23rd, 2007 at 11:14 pmI make that mistake of calling my children by the wrong names, and when they complain I say “well, if you didn’t act like him, I wouldn’t get confused!” This is upsetting to my oldest son (11 yrs) especially when he gets called by his 3 year old brother’s name. But I am fairly confident he will do the same thing to his kids when he is a daddy! Some things just happen that way.
Comment #7 by crunchaMarch 24th, 2007 at 12:04 amIt is funny when my mom calls me by her dog’s name. There were nine of us kids but the very first name she thinks of is still the dog.
My favorite little slip like this is when I accidentally call someone else’s husband “honey” or some other term of endearment. I don’t know if that’s mommy brain or something far worse…
Thanks for the guest post! Loved it
Comment #8 by sarahMarch 24th, 2007 at 4:00 amThere’s a reason all that birth-order-personality stuff is so accurate.
With my oldest, I was determined to never use the word “no” when he was a toddler. I always found ways around it. “Be gentle with the dog” rather than “No! Stop pulling the dog’s hair!” etc. By my third (who was a very difficult child), it was just plain old “NO! STOP IT!”
Comment #9 by Susan MMarch 24th, 2007 at 11:44 amHa, I only have ONE child (and two cats) and Elijah already gets “Mittens, Thomas, ELIJAH, stop it!”
Comment #10 by ColleenMarch 25th, 2007 at 1:48 amI solved the problem by calling my two youngest girls George or Henry - since we only had girls it was a lot easier but did get me some looks when I grabbed a pretty little girl by the hand and said come on George, let’s go. Lots easier than “HiLaKristen” with my third.
Comment #11 by alaskagrandmaMarch 26th, 2007 at 8:06 amI have 3 boys and 1 girl - she sometimes gets called by her brothers’ names and vice versa. I really think it is based on how they are behaving. However, my 4yo gets called Parker all the time and Parker gets called Hunter - he’s the newborn. They don’t really behave the same.
Comment #12 by Natalie S.March 26th, 2007 at 8:45 amYou could always respond to the argument against calling your child, “whoever you are,” by saying you are emphasizing that you do not know who your child is when they are in error (a la Matt 25:12). The response is a bit zelous or even obtuse, but nonetheless amusing.
Comment #13 by JanellMarch 28th, 2007 at 7:20 pmMy first child was perfect so naturally I thought all of my children would be perfect. It took me a while to realize that child number two, a boy, was never going to do his homework without being reminded like his sister… or sit quietly in church or keep his room clean etc. So with me, it wasn’t so much forgetting to teach the younger kids what I already taught the older one. It was learning that they needed to be taught what seemed to just come naturally to number one.
Comment #14 by maryMarch 29th, 2007 at 1:30 amYes, mommy brain gets worse with each child, and my hair gets shorter, too. So, since I’m pretty much brainless with five kids, I’ll just tell ya, there are a lot of things you stop doing just because there is other stuff that takes priority. Case in point- my fourth is in Kindergarten. Two of her best friends are also in Kindergarten, but each is the oldest of only two children. These children actually do their homework. (Though why they think Kinders need homework is beyond me). One of these mothers was at my house the other day, and saw my daughter’s “Book Journal Bag” that has been sitting on the homework table for at least 3 weeks and was aghast. Yeah, I figure if my kids get fed, im being a good mom, right? Forget the right names- they’ve got warm beds to sleep in. (But the sheets aren’t clean). I think my children are happy and mostly well adjusted. Except for the strange tics, but that’s another story…
Comment #15 by popchickApril 18th, 2007 at 5:00 pmoh, by the way, this post was very enlightening in terms of what you teach the oldest. I was very good about teaching my 2 oldest about sex- and I realized the other day, that maybe I should teach the next ones, also, but I don’t feel like it anymore. I think that’s what happened with my mom, because I was enlightened by a friend in 3rd grade, who just told me “The dad puts his thing in the mom’s thing”- needless to say, it didn’t seem like it would work to me, and I was very confused. So I guess I want to spare my younger kids that feeling.
Comment #16 by popchickApril 18th, 2007 at 5:04 pm