A whispered conversation: “Honey, I think that couple has kissed 5 times now.  Oh, there’s number 6.”

“Weird.”

“AAAHH!  Seven!  I wonder if they’ll make it to 10!”

Now, I know you’re all wondering why it’s weird to see a couple kissing, and why I was slightly scandalized.  Well, it’s because we were in sacrament meeting at the time.

We went to Arizona over the weekend to look at houses, and visited a couple of potential wards.  I could not believe this couple about 3 rows in front of us.  They kissed the entire time.  I would know, because I really did count how many times.  Yes, they got past 10.  They even got past 20.

The main reason I was counting was because I decided to tune out the speaker, who was speaking on “Be Ye a Man” or something like that, and telling us all what a ‘real’ man was like, and how if somebody was urinating in front of your wife, you should beat him up and swear at him.  I turned to my husband and actually said ”You know, if I were fmhLisa, I would be screaming mad.”  Even as non-feminist as I am, my claws were starting to come out.  Why is there a talk on how to be manly from the pulpit during sacrament meeting? Hello, half your congregation is female!!  I took this as permission to tune out. (Ah…the couple reached about kiss 25 at this point). 

You know, sometimes I hear women talk about stuff that happens in church to offend them, and I think “that is so far removed from anything I have ever experienced, what kind of ward are you going to?”  Now I know.  This kind of ward.

(Note: Please don’t let the comments go into a discussion of various types of feminism, and yada yada yada. This was just weird, I’m pretty sure they would all agree on that.)

The talk kept going, and the couple kept kissing.  I wanted to throw a hymn book at them to see if they would notice.  Maybe I could fold a program into an airplane and throw it at them.  They’d probably rejoice in it as a symbol of their love or something. 

At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh out loud, which I figured would be inappropriate during sacrament meeting.  And then I thought “Obviously the people in this ward don’t really care about what’s appropriate during sacrament meeting.”  And then I found myself hilarious (I am easily amused), and so I kept counting.

They made it past 30.  Kept going.  31…32….until the grand total was reached.  Yes, my friends, in the hour and ten minutes that is sacrament meeting, they kissed a grand total of FORTY ONE TIMES! 

Questions I know you will ask, because I am psychic (and also everybody I tell this story asks these): 

Q:Were they sitting in the back?

A: Yes, but not the back row.  Definitely towards the back, though.

Q:Were they newlyweds?

A: I have no idea, I didn’t ask.  They looked to be in their mid to late 30’s and had no kids with them.  MANY MANY kids sitting around them, but they were oblivious to that.

Q:Why did they talk on being a man in sacrament meeting?

A:I have no idea.

Q: Are you buying a house in this ward?

A: No way in hell.