By Tracy M
I’m a slacker mom. I used to tell myself it was because I didn’t want to be a “helicopter” mom, hovering and watching over their shoulders all the time, but no, the truth is, I’m just a slacker.
My kids are not signed up for dozens of classes. They’ve never been to camp, or fishing with their dad or even ice-skating at Christmas. (I hate snow, but that’s a previous post) As far as pushing them or living vicariously through their accomplishments? Well, if I did that, then I would have to keep a schedule.
They make it to pre-school on time, mostly, and I did sign Jeffrey up for swimming lessons this summer. First day of class, he took one look at the pool and started crying. So, we went home. My mom said I should have forced him- tossed him in the pool- but that’s not me. He didn’t want to, I didn’t make him.
I figure he’ll get it. We’ll try again later.
As I get more time under my belt with this “mom” thing, I think I’ve learned a thing or two. Trying to hurry my kids along seems to only stress them out- and as a result, make life harder for all of us. With my first, I was in a hurry to reach all the milestones- He walked early, was potty trained early, he talked early, I read to him all the time, and so on. Then, just about two years into it, when the second came along, hurrying didn’t seem so important. Beanie did all those things too, it just took a little longer. And the cool thing was, it might have taken him longer, but it was so very much easier when it did happen.
When the third baby made her appearance? Sheesh, she’ll talk someday. When she tells me she want’s to use the potty, then we’ll potty train. See? Much easier.
Which brings me to my whole point.
This morning, (yes, a Sunday- we’ve been sick and this was the first day everyone felt really good- sue me) Jeffrey, two days shy of his sixth birthday, got on his two-wheeler bike for the first time, and pedaled off down the street. It blew me away. No falling, no spills, no tears, no training wheels. Just got on, and away he went. He was ready- and had the confidence and ability and desire- and so it happened.
Taking things slow seems to be an OK way for our family to move. This might not be the answer for everyone, but for us, maybe being a Slacker Mom isn’t so bad.
I always think about a post your put on Dandelion Mama a while back where you said you aren’t a “floor parent.” I’ve been thinking about that ever since and trying to give my kids some more space. It’s definitely easier when there is more than one child but I think my toddler has really benefited from learning how to do things by herself and it’s really rewarding for me to sit back and see how she grows without me trying to force it down her throat.
Comment #1 by SarahAugust 26th, 2007 at 10:16 amTracy, AMEN!
The following hung on our wall growing up - and my mother (with 8 children) truly believed and lived it:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow,
for babies grow up we’re learned to our sorrow.
So, quiet down cobwebs; dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby, and babies don’t keep.
A couple of years ago, our family was rushing about frantically - trying to get six kids and two parents to every activity we could cram into a schedule for at least five over-achievers (my oldest son and I don’t always fit that description). My wife and I made the conscious decision to slow down, let go of everything except the one thing that each child wanted to do most and have more time to spend together as a family.
It was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Comment #2 by RayAugust 26th, 2007 at 10:54 amI am SOOOOOOOO this kind of mama! I am glad to know I’m not the only one!
I had a friend stay home from Church today to keep up the potty training momentum. I laughed to myself because I’m just so not that kind of mom. My kids potty trained over a year+ time.
The bike riding thing happened here, too. We tried doing the teaching thing, and #2 freaked. out. So we let it go. A year or two later, after months on her scooter, one day she just rode her bike. On her own. Or maybe the neighborhood kids helped her.
Reading was a lot the same way. We worked on some basic phonics, once in a while remembered to do the 20 minutes a day thing, and then somewhere, something just clicked and now I can’t get my oldest to do anything else but read. Piano lessons have become a simliar thing…really low key for the first bit until they find they WANT to do it. Lots less contention.
I sometimes wonder if I’m doing them a disservice, but this kind of culture works for our family. Why argue with success, even if it unfolds in a different way?
Comment #3 by m&mAugust 26th, 2007 at 12:00 pmRay, I have that exact poem hanging in my upstairs hallway. My mom had it in our house growing up, too.
Comment #4 by Tracy MAugust 26th, 2007 at 12:20 pmMy mom had it too. It must have been a church-wide young women’s cross stitch project in the 50’s or something
Comment #5 by SarahAugust 26th, 2007 at 2:40 pmWe’re pretty laid back too. There are times I feel guilty for not having the kids in everything and then I wake up and can actually stretch before getting out of bed, we eat breakfast without rushing to piano before school and the kids have time to play together. It’s working for us.
In a conversation with a family friend one day, he said (tongue in cheek), if you grow up as a (Insert family name here), it’s like being raised by wolves. DS promptly fell off of his bike and arose bleeding. He wiped it off, got right back on and went on his way. Wolves mustn’t be that bad. ;D
Comment #6 by All8August 26th, 2007 at 2:41 pmSarah- Except we weren’t members- and my mom would shrivel up and DIE if she thought she had something MORMON in her house!!
Actually, that might be kind of funny, on second thought!
All8- sometimes I feel guilty, too- like maybe I should be doing more- then we have awesome days like today, and I remember that this is good for our little family.
Comment #7 by Tracy MAugust 26th, 2007 at 3:09 pmI am SO glad that there are other mothers out there that are like ME!!!!! I don’t sign my kids up for every little thing and I like it! They will eventually learn how to play Tball, or dance, but not until they are old enough to know what the difference between the two are. (You haven’t seen funny until you see a 4 year old boy dancing and singing on Second base)
So thankful that I am not the lone parent out there that isn’t a Floor parent!!! ooxx
Comment #8 by LeiGulAugust 26th, 2007 at 3:17 pmI’m the same way. Lazy.
Comment #9 by Susan MAugust 26th, 2007 at 4:43 pmI love this! I could have written this myself it is so true–in fact I have written posts about this on my own blog. So glad to know I’m not the only one who lives life slowly!
Us “slacker” moms need to stick together.
Jenner
Comment #10 by JennerAugust 26th, 2007 at 5:09 pmI find myself a lot like this as well. But I worry that maybe I should encourage more activities because my daughter seems not to “like” so many things at the young age of 5. She has been in preschool, gymnastics one year, ballet and tap one year, and says she doesn’t “like” any of it! She is now going into kindergarten in 2 weeks and I am terrified becuase she says she’s going to “not like” it- before she’s even gone!! I am so confused by this because as a child I was the exact opposite- happy and excitedly awaiting every new thing. I don’t pressure her, I don’t really “make” her do anything she doesn’t want to. I just don’t know what to do with her!
Comment #11 by Rachel HAugust 26th, 2007 at 5:24 pmTracy, I went back and read your previous post about not liking snow and sledding. I laughed because I’ve been there and I HATE it, too. It is so much work for so little fun, and it’s so cold. I am SO going to miss your blog! Even though I usually just lurk, you always help me laugh.
That poem Ray quoted saved me emotionally in my early parenting days of expecting perfection from myself in all aspects of motherhood at all times… It helped me learn to be realistic, happy, and live with the normal ups and downs of parenthood.
I am a bit of a control freak, and thought I would be considered a helicopter parent. However, I have learned that I don’t hover as much as I thought I did. (Yay!) I am actually much more a slacker mom. We have our crazy days of running around, but that is more a factor of number of family members rather than constant activities.
Sometimes I wish I was more of a floor parent, but slacker mom is a pretty good description! And that’s not such a bad thing.
Comment #12 by Michelle AMAugust 26th, 2007 at 7:20 pmRachel H - My son is the same way. He says he doesn’t like anything but he is just saying it to spite me. So I tell him, “Fine, if you don’t like school then you can stay home all day with me & I’ll teach you instead.” yeah, that’s not a good idea for him at all. So he succumbs to the call of school or cubs or the playground or whatever the activity is.
Comment #13 by Natalie S.August 27th, 2007 at 2:20 amThe same child is in first grade now. he gets to start cub scouts but he really wanted to play football too (flag football, not the violent slamming football - he’s too skinny). I told him he had to pick one and to stick to it. He picked cubs & I’m thrilled.
I am very much a HUGE Slacker Mom. So are we all SAHSM? (Stay at home slacker moms)
I feel the same way. It is hard not to feel the competition nowadays to have your kid in everything by the time they are 4, but man, it makes my life a lot easier! So far we have done one summer of swimming lessons, and that is it, and I feel good about it.
Comment #14 by JessicaAugust 27th, 2007 at 2:40 amI had a friend ask me once how I could handle wanting to have all my kiddos (I have four pretty close together and am pregnant with #5 and still don’t feel “done”), and I told her that with most things there is give and take. I handle it by not putting my child in every activity that comes along, and I don’t plan on ever doing that. I think one thing per year is enough (and with all our kids, that will keep me plenty busy!). I know there are families out there who thrive on the really busy, crammed schedules, but that would make me crazy. And I don’t think for one second that I will be short-changing my kids, even though my husband worries it might (he came from one of those really busy families). I think it is really important to have family time and down time.
Anyway, I’m just glad to see that there are others that feel the same way!
Michelle AM- (stage whispering) my blog is back up- I couldn’t do it.
(clearing throat, now louder) “Hi, my name is Tracy M, and I am a blogging addict.”
All at once (loudly): “Hi Tracy M!”
Comment #15 by Tracy MAugust 27th, 2007 at 5:12 amAnd we’re all glad Tracy M’s blog is up!!
As for me, I’m the same way, Tracy (looks like I’m not alone!). It seems that everyone is signing their kids up for soccer, swimming, gymnastics, and ballet. Oh, and baseball. Many of them tried to convince us to sign up for a myriad of these activities. I always opted out saying “oh, we just moved here. We’ll do stuff later.”
I never did.
But it’s good. My kids get to be kids while they are kids. My oldest started piano lessons (with me) and we’re thinking of putting her in a drawing class this year (since she loves to draw). #2 will be in preschool. That’s about it. #3 is technically “old enough” for preshcool, but he doesn’t need it. He can go next year.
I like taking things slow. No need to overschedule the kiddies while they’re young. They’ll get enough of that when they go to high school…
Comment #16 by cherylAugust 27th, 2007 at 5:47 amGood to know I’m not alone in being lazy mom. With ds I really had the very best plans. I was going to sign him up for preschool and he was going to be so ready for kindergarten. Well I never got around to signing him up for preschool and he was still totally ready for kindergarten. He loved it and he did well in all the testing and even adjusted to us moving 2 months before school ended. So now I’m debating whether to put dd in preschool, it ain’t going to happen this year, but maybe next year. She already knows her abc’s and her numbers, not beacuse I did anything, but because her big brother taught her when they “played school”.
Comment #17 by moddyAugust 27th, 2007 at 12:13 pmAs for after school and summer activities we have decided that one at a time for now is perfect for us. Maybe as they get older we’ll let them choose to do more.
The following is a Yahoo headline from today. All I could think when I read it was, “Yikes! One more reason for the obsessive modern parent to sacrifice sanity in the name of progress and children’s growth.”
“Diaper-Free Baby Movement: Some parents begin potty training at birth, using baby body language for signs.”
I have to admit, I also liked the (probably unintentional) pun in the official title. “Movements” that don’t require a diaper?
Comment #18 by RayAugust 28th, 2007 at 5:24 amNO flippin WAY?! That’s just INSANE.
Comment #19 by Tracy MAugust 28th, 2007 at 5:36 amOh, no, I’ve heard of it. They think babies naturally know when they’re doing it, and what they’re doing, and while maybe there’s something to it (I’ve never read into it seriously to have an informed decision) the thought of it makes me so tired and grossed out.
Comment #20 by The WizAugust 28th, 2007 at 8:09 amI too am a slacker mom… I’m learning that when the kids work through things on their own, the lesson sticks a lot more than if I lecture. Not that I let them run wild and do as they please… well, at least not all of the time…
Comment #21 by MelissaAugust 28th, 2007 at 10:50 amThat’s so hilarious that you quoted that article about the free diaper movement! My hubby’s cousin did this with her kid and insisted that her child was a genius because at 4 months the mom held the baby over the toilet and it pooped. She then basically implied that I was a “lazy mother” because I wasn’t forcing my 2 1/2 year old to potty train. Funny thing…2 months later my child was completely potty trained and sleeping thru the night without accidents, simply because he was ready and I didn’t push him beforehand. LONG LIVE SLACKER MOMS!!
Comment #22 by mommy-of-3September 5th, 2007 at 9:40 am