By The Wiz
1. Buy husband present. Think about possibility that he might just want a lower credit card bill, and so justify yourself in buying him nothing. Feel guilty. Go out to buy him some golf balls. Can’t pick golf balls - who knew there were all these kinds that were all different? They’re golf balls! Go back to wondering what to get him. Consider sending him out for his own presents.
2. Buy daughter presents that do not involve previously adored items such as American Girl paraphernalia and Webkinz. Figure out what she adores now. Wait until mid-December, because seriously, who knows?
4. Wrap Webkinz and American Girl presents for younger siblings. Hope it does not inspire oldest child to return to previous loves. Pray that if it does, siblings will share.
5. Buy FIL something. Who on earth knows what Fathers-in-law want? Not me.
6. Buy new Christmas tree tall enough for new house. Find more ornaments. Wonder about appropriateness of only decorating the lower half of the tree.
7. Try not to harass brother about what he and his wife want for Christmas. Try REALLY hard. Dang it -WHAT DO YOU WANT?
8. Try not to obsess over the fact that I am obsessing over Christmas when Thanksgiving is in 2 days.
9. Take cute family picture somehow. Hopefully soon. Hopefully booger-free.
10. Pretend I’m organized.
11. Get excited about Children’s Place sale. Try not to think about how much kids hate opening clothes.
12. Teach kids that opening clothes is a perfectly valid thing to do on Christmas.
13. Learn how to decorate.
14. Try not to feel guilty about lack of decorating skillz. Concentrate on skillz I have. Despair over lack of skillz. NO! Be optimistic!
15. Repeat #’s 13 and 14.
15. Wrap old toys for 4 year old.
16. Feel guilty about wrapping old toys. Buy new ones on Christmas Eve.
18. Try not to break wrist.
19. Ignore all to-do lists and watch reruns of Project Runway.
20. Buy self something pretty.
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